Silent Voices
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Venom "Verses of personification
29 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
Addiction can hit anyone of any age. I work in the pharmacy. I see it everyday. It destroys people from the inside out. Then the tentacles reach out to destroy their relationships . Sad but true. Your poem showed the esse in which the fun takes its toll. Gretchen
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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Addiction can hit anyone of any age. I work in the pharmacy. I see it everyday. It destroys people from the inside out. Then the tentacles reach out to destroy their relationships . Sad but true. Your poem showed the esse in which the fun takes its toll. Gretchen
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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Thank you so much! Xoxo
Comment from Shanbreen
This is such a powerful poem on addiction. It is very well detailed in the horrors of taking unprescribed drugs. The telling thing for me, which is the case for every loved one who dies, is
"In death, you pass your burden to the grieving."
But, perhaps, the unnerving thing is that it spreads, not satisfied with just one destruction. The poem is dark, but you are dealing with a very dark subject. Your reference to the snake reminds me of the serpent in the garden of Eden.
As a poem, I love the metaphors (the snake), the onomatopoeia---"the instrument he strums," the rhythm and the flow. Well done.
Sorry about your loss.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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This is such a powerful poem on addiction. It is very well detailed in the horrors of taking unprescribed drugs. The telling thing for me, which is the case for every loved one who dies, is
"In death, you pass your burden to the grieving."
But, perhaps, the unnerving thing is that it spreads, not satisfied with just one destruction. The poem is dark, but you are dealing with a very dark subject. Your reference to the snake reminds me of the serpent in the garden of Eden.
As a poem, I love the metaphors (the snake), the onomatopoeia---"the instrument he strums," the rhythm and the flow. Well done.
Sorry about your loss.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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Thank you so very much for your wonderful comments. Xo
Comment from Thor R
This poem paints a vivid and harrowing picture of addiction, using the metaphor of a serpent to represent its insidious nature. Thank you for sharing it. Here's a critique focusing on various aspects:
Imagery and Metaphor: The use of the serpent as a metaphor for addiction is powerful and effective. It adds layers of meaning to the poem, portraying addiction as something cunning, seductive, and ultimately destructive. The imagery of the serpent "disguised as flesh and bone" and "dressed to kill, with scales beneath his denim" creates a chilling portrayal of its deceptive allure.
Emotional Impact: The poem evokes a strong emotional response, capturing the desperation and despair of addiction. It delves into the psychological and physical toll it takes on the individual, as well as the ripple effects it has on those around them. The repetition of phrases like "the high won't seem to keep" and "you're scrounging just for crumbs" reinforces the sense of relentless craving and dependency.
Structure and Flow: The poem maintains a consistent rhyme scheme and rhythm, which contributes to its readability and musicality. The use of enjambment effectively carries the reader from one line to the next, creating a sense of momentum and urgency.
Theme and Message: The overarching theme of the poem is the destructive nature of addiction and its far-reaching consequences. It explores the cycle of craving, consumption, and devastation, highlighting the ways in which addiction consumes and ultimately destroys lives.
Resolution and Impact: The poem ends on a somber note, emphasizing the lasting impact of addiction even after death. It serves as a poignant reminder of the enduring legacy of addiction and the pain it leaves in its wake.
Overall, this poem is a poignant and thought-provoking exploration of addiction, skillfully employing metaphor and imagery to convey its devastating effects. It serves as a stark warning against the dangers of succumbing to the allure of addiction and the importance of seeking help and support.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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This poem paints a vivid and harrowing picture of addiction, using the metaphor of a serpent to represent its insidious nature. Thank you for sharing it. Here's a critique focusing on various aspects:
Imagery and Metaphor: The use of the serpent as a metaphor for addiction is powerful and effective. It adds layers of meaning to the poem, portraying addiction as something cunning, seductive, and ultimately destructive. The imagery of the serpent "disguised as flesh and bone" and "dressed to kill, with scales beneath his denim" creates a chilling portrayal of its deceptive allure.
Emotional Impact: The poem evokes a strong emotional response, capturing the desperation and despair of addiction. It delves into the psychological and physical toll it takes on the individual, as well as the ripple effects it has on those around them. The repetition of phrases like "the high won't seem to keep" and "you're scrounging just for crumbs" reinforces the sense of relentless craving and dependency.
Structure and Flow: The poem maintains a consistent rhyme scheme and rhythm, which contributes to its readability and musicality. The use of enjambment effectively carries the reader from one line to the next, creating a sense of momentum and urgency.
Theme and Message: The overarching theme of the poem is the destructive nature of addiction and its far-reaching consequences. It explores the cycle of craving, consumption, and devastation, highlighting the ways in which addiction consumes and ultimately destroys lives.
Resolution and Impact: The poem ends on a somber note, emphasizing the lasting impact of addiction even after death. It serves as a poignant reminder of the enduring legacy of addiction and the pain it leaves in its wake.
Overall, this poem is a poignant and thought-provoking exploration of addiction, skillfully employing metaphor and imagery to convey its devastating effects. It serves as a stark warning against the dangers of succumbing to the allure of addiction and the importance of seeking help and support.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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Wow, Thank you so much! Xoxo
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Interesting personification of drug addiction. I understand what is like. I attended 12 steps programs for a long time. I was very young and fragile. I stopped using in 1995 and haven't used drugs since.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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Interesting personification of drug addiction. I understand what is like. I attended 12 steps programs for a long time. I was very young and fragile. I stopped using in 1995 and haven't used drugs since.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2024
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Thank you, and I commend you on your recovery! Xoxo
Comment from isabelteeth
Amazing work. The simple meter and rhyme add something of calm and truth to your lines. the best writing can be read through anyone's eyes and this definitely would penetrate anyone who reads it.
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Amazing work. The simple meter and rhyme add something of calm and truth to your lines. the best writing can be read through anyone's eyes and this definitely would penetrate anyone who reads it.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2024
Comment from Natureschild
WOW! WOW!,WOW! Jessica, your portrayal of your sister's addiction is incredibly powerful, and I offer my deepest condolences for your loss. Your use of metaphors throughout the poem is nothing short of stunning, each one striking a chord within me. What stands out most is how you've laid bare the raw emotion of each stanza, leaving nothing but its essence behind.
The rhyme scheme and line length work in harmony, echoing the rhythm of a beating heart, and drawing me deeper into the narrative. Your pain resonates vividly through your writing, and as I type this, my keyboard is damp with tears that I can't seem to wipe away fast enough.
If I could, I would give your piece 10 stars without hesitation. It's truly outstanding, a testament to your talent. Kind regards, Terry.
reply by the author on 13-May-2024
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WOW! WOW!,WOW! Jessica, your portrayal of your sister's addiction is incredibly powerful, and I offer my deepest condolences for your loss. Your use of metaphors throughout the poem is nothing short of stunning, each one striking a chord within me. What stands out most is how you've laid bare the raw emotion of each stanza, leaving nothing but its essence behind.
The rhyme scheme and line length work in harmony, echoing the rhythm of a beating heart, and drawing me deeper into the narrative. Your pain resonates vividly through your writing, and as I type this, my keyboard is damp with tears that I can't seem to wipe away fast enough.
If I could, I would give your piece 10 stars without hesitation. It's truly outstanding, a testament to your talent. Kind regards, Terry.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 13-May-2024
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Terry, I don't know how I missed this but I am so sorry I didn't see it earlier! Your kind words and thoughtful comments have made my night!!
Thank you so so much!
Xoxo
Jess
Comment from Lisasview
Good morning Jessica,
It breaks my heart to know that you list your sister at the age of 24...Although I too have never been addicted I have a sister that was.
And for many years... somehow she pulled herself out and has been clean for over 30 years. I am 13 years older than her and we are very close. Along the way we all (family) tried to help but in the end it was her desire to get clean...
Your words are so well written...
Lisa
reply by the author on 13-May-2024
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Good morning Jessica,
It breaks my heart to know that you list your sister at the age of 24...Although I too have never been addicted I have a sister that was.
And for many years... somehow she pulled herself out and has been clean for over 30 years. I am 13 years older than her and we are very close. Along the way we all (family) tried to help but in the end it was her desire to get clean...
Your words are so well written...
Lisa
Comment Written 25-Apr-2024
reply by the author on 13-May-2024
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Lisa, this means so much. Thank you!
Comment from Douglas Goff
Wow, this is deep and driving. I am glad your notes straightened me out. I totally thought you were describing a predatory male.
Interesting that she correlated addiction to a snake. I can see that.
Well done,
D
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Wow, this is deep and driving. I am glad your notes straightened me out. I totally thought you were describing a predatory male.
Interesting that she correlated addiction to a snake. I can see that.
Well done,
D
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
Comment from gansach
This is an outstanding poem that is so vivid in its description of addiction. It deftly expresses the attraction and desperation, the love/hate relationship of someone in the throes of its grip. Many who haven't experienced addiction themselves, or that of a friend or relative, find it easy to say why can't you just stop? They don't know the battle that goes on or the desire, but not the power, to do so. You have presented that understanding with your words. The rhyme scheme and flow adds to its feeling. Excellent poem! My condolences to you for the loss of your sister.
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This is an outstanding poem that is so vivid in its description of addiction. It deftly expresses the attraction and desperation, the love/hate relationship of someone in the throes of its grip. Many who haven't experienced addiction themselves, or that of a friend or relative, find it easy to say why can't you just stop? They don't know the battle that goes on or the desire, but not the power, to do so. You have presented that understanding with your words. The rhyme scheme and flow adds to its feeling. Excellent poem! My condolences to you for the loss of your sister.
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024
Comment from dragonpoet
Hi Jessica,
This i poem has strong use metaphor and personification in its aabaab sestets that describe how the devil leads you to addiction. It shows that the problem not only ruins the addicts life but the lives of his/her friends and family when the end comes.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Have a great rest of the week.
Joan
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Hi Jessica,
This i poem has strong use metaphor and personification in its aabaab sestets that describe how the devil leads you to addiction. It shows that the problem not only ruins the addicts life but the lives of his/her friends and family when the end comes.
Keep writing and stay healthy.
Have a great rest of the week.
Joan
Comment Written 24-Apr-2024