Just Desserts
The jungle hides many sins.24 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
Three or four a night sounds like every man's dream, but who could keep the pace besides a deranged serial rapist. Congratulations on this contest winner! Great job. I don't know how I could have missed it. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
  |
Three or four a night sounds like every man's dream, but who could keep the pace besides a deranged serial rapist. Congratulations on this contest winner! Great job. I don't know how I could have missed it. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Ric. That club with the prostitute taxis exists. Or at least it did in 1992. Appreciate the review!
Comment from Mario PIERRE
What a terrific thriller!! And what a so fulfilling ending!!! The whole narrative is suspenseful and tense. The dialogue incredibly strong and believable.
Well deserved win, Douglas!!!!
I can see a novella here....
Mario
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
|
What a terrific thriller!! And what a so fulfilling ending!!! The whole narrative is suspenseful and tense. The dialogue incredibly strong and believable.
Well deserved win, Douglas!!!!
I can see a novella here....
Mario
Comment Written 09-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
-
Thanks, Mario!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
and here I thought you never leave the genre with Adleigh. This was quite a change I think and yet, I guess not with the Bakeneko character ending the plot. Well done. Congrats on the win.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
|
and here I thought you never leave the genre with Adleigh. This was quite a change I think and yet, I guess not with the Bakeneko character ending the plot. Well done. Congrats on the win.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2023
-
Tom, I have 452 pieces on here. Less that 200 are fantasy fiction. Westerns/science fiction and even several ghost stories that placed first. In fact, I think you liked my Wolf Bend Series. I will be imputing the final addition of that series next! Hope you join me!!!
Thank you for the awesome review!
-
I open each release of your but quickly pass when I see Afleigh and friends
Comment from Barry Penfold
You were correct about this being dark. No mucking about. However, it does work well and is a capturing read. Well done. Are we going to see a whole lot more of Coy or will this be his only run in the wild. All the best in the contest. A deserving winner if you ask me.
Take care
Barry Penfold.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
|
You were correct about this being dark. No mucking about. However, it does work well and is a capturing read. Well done. Are we going to see a whole lot more of Coy or will this be his only run in the wild. All the best in the contest. A deserving winner if you ask me.
Take care
Barry Penfold.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
-
Thank you, Barry! I doubt Coy will be back, but I have a sneaky suspicion we will be seeing Amber again.
Comment from royowen
You certainly gleaned a lot from that interview with fhat serial rapist, I must admit I have no understanding of how they can do what they, I can understand the desire as most men can. But I believe in the sovereignty of human beings as sacrosanct. Great post Douglas, there are many interesting folk on fanstory, well done, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
|
You certainly gleaned a lot from that interview with fhat serial rapist, I must admit I have no understanding of how they can do what they, I can understand the desire as most men can. But I believe in the sovereignty of human beings as sacrosanct. Great post Douglas, there are many interesting folk on fanstory, well done, blessings Roy
Comment Written 05-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
-
Ha! I also arrested two serial killers in my career. So, I had a bit to draw from. You think it may be too dark for FS? Maybe not. It?s holding its own. I always worry about my not so fluffy works.
D
-
There?ll always be followers Douglas
-
There?ll always be followers Douglas
-
Thanks, Roy. I?m a strong confident fellow in every aspect of my life?except my writing. Too many people close to me told me it was garbage when I was a teenager. Nobody in my family even reads why I write, except my 9 and 10 year olds. (Not the dark stuff) I was expected to become a welder. That was the family trade. Of course, I had different ideas. Appreciate you!
-
I can see that.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Douglas, that was a very long and a very scary story you entered for the contest. It's also a very good one. He certainly got his just dessert.
Ayudeme, should be ayudame, and que paso should be que pasa, unless you meant it to be past sentence, then que paso is correct. The best of luck. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2023
|
Hi Douglas, that was a very long and a very scary story you entered for the contest. It's also a very good one. He certainly got his just dessert.
Ayudeme, should be ayudame, and que paso should be que pasa, unless you meant it to be past sentence, then que paso is correct. The best of luck. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 23-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 23-Nov-2023
-
Thank you! My reading and writing of Spanish is poor. I appreciate your help. It speaks well of your integrity that you would help somebody you are competing against. That is why I respect you so much!
D
Comment from Lisasview
Oh gosh I do so love serial killer stories so yours is right up my alley.
I find it interesting that the killer was able to discern that his desire was not about sex but rather control... Most of us know that but a killer would be in denial...or have no thought at all.. Unless, they were in therapy....
Being married to a phycologists where we discuss such things is why I question this in your story... but, it is your story...
Lisasview
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2023
|
Oh gosh I do so love serial killer stories so yours is right up my alley.
I find it interesting that the killer was able to discern that his desire was not about sex but rather control... Most of us know that but a killer would be in denial...or have no thought at all.. Unless, they were in therapy....
Being married to a phycologists where we discuss such things is why I question this in your story... but, it is your story...
Lisasview
Comment Written 23-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 24-Nov-2023
-
Serial killers are interesting predators. I'm not sure you can put them into a box. I caught two in my 30 year career. One was borderline genius while the other was a moron (Wanted in two countries and I caught him stealing a car battery in California)
Ted Bundy IQ 124
Jeffrey Dahmer IQ 145
Henry Lee Lucas IQ 85
Aileen Wuormos IQ 81
(No standard)
My character Coy was based primarily on a real person, a serial rapist named Kenneth that I interviewed.
"I'm all man" and several of Coy's thoughts were actual statements from Kenneth. Kenneth also called himself a 'control freak' which was why he felt he shouldn't go to prison. (He was an escapee) and he stated that every woman he raped had 'really wanted him'.
What with mandatory mental treatments and prison group therapy most criminals in the US can layout all their issues to you in a heartbeat.
Great insight. I appreciate it. Thank you for the review!
-
I knew this story was about a real serial killer...
My husband was a Phycologist in the prison system so I heard quite a few stories. I even wrote a short story when I was much younger...about a serial killer. Not nearly as good as yours.
Having first hand knowledge makes a huge difference.
Goodness catching one while stealing a car battery... pretty amazing.
Did you ever see the series, Dexter... We really enjoyed it.
Lisa
-
Forgot to say that my husband worked in the same prison where Mason was and Siran Siran (sp?)
-
Your husband would be fun to chat with!
-
For sure... of course we live in Spain...but we are on Whats App...
Lisa
Comment from prettybluebirds
This is quite a story. As far as I'm concerned he finally received justice for all the innocent women he killed. Your story appears flawless to me, and I wish you the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
 |
This is quite a story. As far as I'm concerned he finally received justice for all the innocent women he killed. Your story appears flawless to me, and I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
-
Thank you, my friend! Justice is in the eye of the beholder. It's a little dark, but it is holding its own! Thank you for the awesome six star!
Comment from Terry Broxson
Douglas, One of the things I've enjoyed about your recent writing is that I don't know what to expect, and you did not disappoint this time. This should do well in the contest.
I have one minor thing, and you probably researched it and will make my observation mute, but.. is a white sand beach really named after a brown pelican? Sounded weird.
You have proved your ability to write well. The interview you did with Kenneth Froude sounds like another story you could tell. Share your story contest, maybe.
The only suggestion is that you might consider applying for a Seal of Quality review. It's long enough and I think good enough. You would most likely get some better feedback than I or others can give you. Think about it. Terry.
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
|
Douglas, One of the things I've enjoyed about your recent writing is that I don't know what to expect, and you did not disappoint this time. This should do well in the contest.
I have one minor thing, and you probably researched it and will make my observation mute, but.. is a white sand beach really named after a brown pelican? Sounded weird.
You have proved your ability to write well. The interview you did with Kenneth Froude sounds like another story you could tell. Share your story contest, maybe.
The only suggestion is that you might consider applying for a Seal of Quality review. It's long enough and I think good enough. You would most likely get some better feedback than I or others can give you. Think about it. Terry.
Comment Written 22-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
-
Yeah, white sand Pelican Beach named after a brown bird is a real place. (Not in Brazil but I took some liberties.) I did drop the word ?white? so others wouldn?t get hung up on that.
Not sure about a Seal of Quality. What exactly does that do for my writing? My main goals here are to improve my writing, have some fun, and meet fellow writers. I feel that I am firing on all cylinders at this point.
Also you mentioned they beat you up a bit. I didn?t write for many years because some family members ridiculed me and said my efforts were garbage when I was young. I?m still working on handling rough direct criticism. (Honest assessment of myself)
Finally, I feel this piece may be a little too dark for the older crew on FS. (No cats or dogs). Might not want to try a Seal on this one, although it is doing well currently.
Not sure, but as always, I appreciate your advice, my friend!
D
-
Douglas, I understand your reluctance. I think the real advantage is that you will get some really good suggestions. Their goal is to try to point you in the right direction. Their critique is very detailed. They are supposed to be the best of the published writers on the site.
It's long enough, 2,000 words minimum. I think it's pretty dang good, and others do also. I don't think it being a little dark would bother this group.
What it would do for you is let you see what they consider needs work. This would set a benchmark for you to see if you can improve in the areas they think are necessary.
They are sort of like a college professor grading a paper.
For example, they might say your dialogue needs better action tags. Mine certainly did. I began to understand how to do it after it was pointed out.
I know I got better at it.
I also used 'was' in almost every other sentence. I can now write 5,000 words without a was.
The point is you get some very specific advice.
Think about it. Read it over again and ask yourself, is this the best I can do? If you can do better, edit it. Then, ask yourself the question again. And then decide if you want to submit it. But I understand.
You are a very good writer, but I ain't on no committee. LOL. Terry.
Comment from Sally Law
This was very well written, my talented friend. Honestly, it was too violent for me. There were sections I had to fast forward through. I could feel my own internal screw tightening too much. I must be careful that way. Well written nonetheless. Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the upcoming contest.
Sal XOs
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
|
This was very well written, my talented friend. Honestly, it was too violent for me. There were sections I had to fast forward through. I could feel my own internal screw tightening too much. I must be careful that way. Well written nonetheless. Sending you my best today as always and best wishes for the upcoming contest.
Sal XOs
Comment Written 22-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2023
-
Sorry. It was a bit dark. I?ve actually arrested two serial killers in my career. One smart. One dumb. I was drawing on some of that as well. Hopefully everyone doesn?t have a negative response Blessings !
D
-
I?m more sensitive than most . Sal :))