An Early Morning Happenstance
An elderly couple meet in the park.18 total reviews
Comment from Paul Manton
First I must congratulate you on the word 'candescent' I know that it means luminous, but I haven't seen it in years - and it is perfect here in context for Clara's smile.
This story unfolds like a fern at first light - you have it under control all the way - the ambivalence of Reg's needs - to be alone and its opposite - the game of 'getting to know you - or not' - and finally the capitulation (mostly by Reg) of the wish to have a friend - and possibly more.
A lovely meandering, slightly surreal dialogue between two people who find themselves in almost embarrassing contact - though it is obviously Clara who is the conductor here.
Beautiful observation of two old people who need each other, but have to explore the possibilities before committing. I really enjoyed it.
Paul
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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First I must congratulate you on the word 'candescent' I know that it means luminous, but I haven't seen it in years - and it is perfect here in context for Clara's smile.
This story unfolds like a fern at first light - you have it under control all the way - the ambivalence of Reg's needs - to be alone and its opposite - the game of 'getting to know you - or not' - and finally the capitulation (mostly by Reg) of the wish to have a friend - and possibly more.
A lovely meandering, slightly surreal dialogue between two people who find themselves in almost embarrassing contact - though it is obviously Clara who is the conductor here.
Beautiful observation of two old people who need each other, but have to explore the possibilities before committing. I really enjoyed it.
Paul
Comment Written 06-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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Thank you, Paul, for this marvelous review. I am taken aback by all your high praise. Rod
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Welcome, Rod.
Best wishes, Paul
Comment from John W Walker
Well done! Your story captures the essence of two mature people meeting and beginning a friendship. A gentle story filled with substance and meaning.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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Well done! Your story captures the essence of two mature people meeting and beginning a friendship. A gentle story filled with substance and meaning.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2023
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Thank you very much, John. I am delighted you enjoyed my story. Rod
Comment from Thesis
I liked how this story was developed. It shows that there are still emotions or experiences yet to be encountered. The setting, dialogue, and humor combine to make the story believable and convey hope that things happen when you least expect them..., especially in later years.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
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I liked how this story was developed. It shows that there are still emotions or experiences yet to be encountered. The setting, dialogue, and humor combine to make the story believable and convey hope that things happen when you least expect them..., especially in later years.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
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Thank you very much for sharing my story, Thesis. I am so pleased you found it believable. Rod
Comment from justafan
I just found this charming story and was touched more than I realized when I felt a tear fall from my eye. It was so soft and unexpected. Bravo not only on the win but on the brilliance of the concept. Most would probably have gone for a different age group but this... perfection!
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
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I just found this charming story and was touched more than I realized when I felt a tear fall from my eye. It was so soft and unexpected. Bravo not only on the win but on the brilliance of the concept. Most would probably have gone for a different age group but this... perfection!
Always
Justafan of yours
Missy
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
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Well, Missy, I am very touched by your review. Many thanks for the praise and those six bright stars. Rod
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Was my pleasure
Comment from LJbutterfly
Congratulations on your well deserved win. I love this story, especially your description of the park with the silent pond and willow trees. Your two characters are well developed and I could easily envision them sitting together on the bench engaging in realistic dialogue. Well done.
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
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Congratulations on your well deserved win. I love this story, especially your description of the park with the silent pond and willow trees. Your two characters are well developed and I could easily envision them sitting together on the bench engaging in realistic dialogue. Well done.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 05-Oct-2023
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Thank you very much for your wonderful praise of my story and the congrats. I enjoyed writing this story and developed a real fondness for these characters. Rod
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
This is very lovely. Very unexpected. A nice quiet story of two settled mature people who meet with no set purpose and they both decide to take a chance on friendship and maybe more. An extremely nice read.Karen
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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This is very lovely. Very unexpected. A nice quiet story of two settled mature people who meet with no set purpose and they both decide to take a chance on friendship and maybe more. An extremely nice read.Karen
Comment Written 04-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Thank you very much, Karen, for your kind praise of my story. I?m glad you found the "unexpected" plot enjoyable.
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U R Welcome Karen
Comment from Lisasview
Now why did I chose to vote for you?? Well, number one the topic which is so very relatable and the marvellous water colour painting you chose...which enhanced your story.
AND, the absolutely perfect font size...and, of course the endearing story!!!
Just loved it...whomever you are...gave you a 6 Star...
Lisa
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Now why did I chose to vote for you?? Well, number one the topic which is so very relatable and the marvellous water colour painting you chose...which enhanced your story.
AND, the absolutely perfect font size...and, of course the endearing story!!!
Just loved it...whomever you are...gave you a 6 Star...
Lisa
Comment Written 04-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Lisa, I am so pleased you enjoyed the story. Many thanks for listing all the reasons why you liked?and voted for?it. I also appreciate the six-star bonus.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a lovely piece. It's very gentle with a spot on tone. I hope it does well in the competition.
watch out for your adverb usage. Adverbs are essentially telling words which affects the balance of show and tell within a piece. Moreover, they can expose a weakness in verb choice. If possible, try to select a more robust verb. In the first sentence for example you've chosen a great verb 'shuffled'. Everyone knows a shuffle is slow, so the adverbs (slowly) is redundant and could be cut.
Actually, I "wuffled"--my name for that wobbly locomotion when my balance often falters.- this is really nice.
"I like fountains too. They're cheery."`- there's a little extra mark following the closing speech marks which could be edited out.
It's nicely played out.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Hi there,
This is a lovely piece. It's very gentle with a spot on tone. I hope it does well in the competition.
watch out for your adverb usage. Adverbs are essentially telling words which affects the balance of show and tell within a piece. Moreover, they can expose a weakness in verb choice. If possible, try to select a more robust verb. In the first sentence for example you've chosen a great verb 'shuffled'. Everyone knows a shuffle is slow, so the adverbs (slowly) is redundant and could be cut.
Actually, I "wuffled"--my name for that wobbly locomotion when my balance often falters.- this is really nice.
"I like fountains too. They're cheery."`- there's a little extra mark following the closing speech marks which could be edited out.
It's nicely played out.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 04-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much, GMG, for sharing my story and giving it a close reading. I am delighted you enjoyed it. Adverbs are so controversial these days and have been given a negative reputation I don?t think they deserve. Yes, I agree that "shuffled slowly" is redundant, but I like the alliteration.
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Yeah, adverbs are interesting. I tend to avoid them as they're a quick fix but do affect showing and telling balance
Comment from JSD
Aww. That is so cute. Actual shiver down the spine stuff. You handle the story-telling beautifully and the utterly convincing dialogue adds a poignant layer of sweetness. Well done. Good luck. I'm off to the voting booth, hoping I'm in time.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Aww. That is so cute. Actual shiver down the spine stuff. You handle the story-telling beautifully and the utterly convincing dialogue adds a poignant layer of sweetness. Well done. Good luck. I'm off to the voting booth, hoping I'm in time.
Comment Written 04-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much, JSD, for your praise of my storytelling. Rod
Comment from Wendy G
What a lovely story. You expressed it well and the ending was delightful. They were both at the right place at the right time, and it sounds like they'll be happy together. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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What a lovely story. You expressed it well and the ending was delightful. They were both at the right place at the right time, and it sounds like they'll be happy together. Best wishes for your entry.
Wendy
Comment Written 04-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2023
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Thank you, Wendy. I am so pleased you liked my little romance. Rod
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You had my vote.
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Thank you.