Be Careful What You Wish For
When one door closes and a window opens21 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
I wish it was Sunday so I could give you a six. This is great! I could see the movie in my head. I knew what was going to happen, it was a western after all. But I sure enjoyed it just the same.
My momma loved John Wayne. My Favorite is El Dorado. The best western movie ever is Lonesome Dove the miniseries. I watch it twice a year. I have all the spinoffs except for Comanche Moon. As much as I love to watch old westerns, I only read Larry McMurtry. My momma liked to read them all. Not me. Give me John D. McDonald, Rex Stout, James Patterson or Lee Childs. :-) Karen
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I wish it was Sunday so I could give you a six. This is great! I could see the movie in my head. I knew what was going to happen, it was a western after all. But I sure enjoyed it just the same.
My momma loved John Wayne. My Favorite is El Dorado. The best western movie ever is Lonesome Dove the miniseries. I watch it twice a year. I have all the spinoffs except for Comanche Moon. As much as I love to watch old westerns, I only read Larry McMurtry. My momma liked to read them all. Not me. Give me John D. McDonald, Rex Stout, James Patterson or Lee Childs. :-) Karen
Comment Written 13-Jul-2024
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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 A contest winning entry! A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for posting the winning contest entry. |
Comment Written 07-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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I'm sorry it took so long to respond. I appreciate the vote of confidence for my story.
Comment from w.j.debi
Excellent mix of dialogue and action. You put us in the setting and gives us feel for the characters with your detailed descriptions. Nice surprise twist at the end. He didn't even have to draw. Love the artwork too.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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Excellent mix of dialogue and action. You put us in the setting and gives us feel for the characters with your detailed descriptions. Nice surprise twist at the end. He didn't even have to draw. Love the artwork too.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from royowen
Heh heh, Old Wiley had it all over the boy, and he certainly killed him without firing a shot, the poor boy can't do with a reputation now, one shot and he's killed by a man that didn't fire a single shot. Well done Earl great post, good luck, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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Heh heh, Old Wiley had it all over the boy, and he certainly killed him without firing a shot, the poor boy can't do with a reputation now, one shot and he's killed by a man that didn't fire a single shot. Well done Earl great post, good luck, blessings Roy
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond Roy. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
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That?s fine Earl
Comment from LJbutterfly
I wish you the best in the Western Writing contest. This story sounds authentic with the descriptions, character names, dialogue, and jargon. The story builds in mystery and suspense, flows smoothly, and has a satisfying ending. I found it enjoyable.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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I wish you the best in the Western Writing contest. This story sounds authentic with the descriptions, character names, dialogue, and jargon. The story builds in mystery and suspense, flows smoothly, and has a satisfying ending. I found it enjoyable.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Earl,
you might have to rework this one to meet the criteria. there is a minimum word count at play here of 2000 words and you're a good bi tunder that at around 1600.
I don't buy the grammatical errors below were all intentional.
"I'm sorry Deke, there's no better way to put it,"- it's usually customary to have a comma before the name when directly addressing someone.
He'd landed in Pawnee Flats, Kansas where the law was John- should probably have a comma following Kansas.
"I don't have time for that nonsense, I just want to get a beer to cut the dust then head on home,"- this should end with a period rather than a comma before the closing speech marks.
This small gesture had kept him alive for almost four decades.- I'd have a reconsider of your time-framing here. He's 39 and didn't shoot anyone until the age of 15. He'd not have been looking over batwing doors until his teenage years probably.
Charlotte Bell, the owner was dealing to- comma needed after owner.
the two colt .45s hanging around his waist.- capitalise Colt here.
"Nope, just making an observation. If I can't call you son, what do you want me to call you? - need closing speech marks here.
The kid's fast, he thought.- he thought shouldn't be in italics.
Oh Lord have mercy, he is killing me without firing a shot, the kid thought.- same thing here.
It's a good story well played out
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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Hi Earl,
you might have to rework this one to meet the criteria. there is a minimum word count at play here of 2000 words and you're a good bi tunder that at around 1600.
I don't buy the grammatical errors below were all intentional.
"I'm sorry Deke, there's no better way to put it,"- it's usually customary to have a comma before the name when directly addressing someone.
He'd landed in Pawnee Flats, Kansas where the law was John- should probably have a comma following Kansas.
"I don't have time for that nonsense, I just want to get a beer to cut the dust then head on home,"- this should end with a period rather than a comma before the closing speech marks.
This small gesture had kept him alive for almost four decades.- I'd have a reconsider of your time-framing here. He's 39 and didn't shoot anyone until the age of 15. He'd not have been looking over batwing doors until his teenage years probably.
Charlotte Bell, the owner was dealing to- comma needed after owner.
the two colt .45s hanging around his waist.- capitalise Colt here.
"Nope, just making an observation. If I can't call you son, what do you want me to call you? - need closing speech marks here.
The kid's fast, he thought.- he thought shouldn't be in italics.
Oh Lord have mercy, he is killing me without firing a shot, the kid thought.- same thing here.
It's a good story well played out
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story. I went through and redited it. Not bad a four star rating for a contest winner.
Comment from BethShelby
This is an excellent Western Story. Deke died the way he wanted. He didn't chose to let cancer kill him. He died with his boots on. The kid didn't get the reputation for killing a gunslinger in a fair fight because Deke had no bullet and no intention of drawing. The words on Deke's tombstone summed up his life nicely. This is a great story for the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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This is an excellent Western Story. Deke died the way he wanted. He didn't chose to let cancer kill him. He died with his boots on. The kid didn't get the reputation for killing a gunslinger in a fair fight because Deke had no bullet and no intention of drawing. The words on Deke's tombstone summed up his life nicely. This is a great story for the contest.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was really good, funny, and perfect ending for a man riddled with cancer. The boy lost! It must have been hard to have that sort of reputation back in those days. Always watching your backs. Well done, this was such a good story. Good luck! :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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That was really good, funny, and perfect ending for a man riddled with cancer. The boy lost! It must have been hard to have that sort of reputation back in those days. Always watching your backs. Well done, this was such a good story. Good luck! :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond Sandra. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from Cindy Decker 2
Earl, I loved this story! You've mixed great characterization, plot movement and dialogue.
I liked especially the suspense you've built, with a great ending.
I thoroughly enjoyed this, and I hope you do well with this work.
Blessings,
Cindy
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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Earl, I loved this story! You've mixed great characterization, plot movement and dialogue.
I liked especially the suspense you've built, with a great ending.
I thoroughly enjoyed this, and I hope you do well with this work.
Blessings,
Cindy
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond Cindy. Thank you very much for the six star review. appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Well done with your story, Earl. We don't get very many western stories to review. It was a bad time to be young and wearing a gun back in those days. Well the kid got the reputation, but it never went any farther. Well done. You get my last six just in time. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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Well done with your story, Earl. We don't get very many western stories to review. It was a bad time to be young and wearing a gun back in those days. Well the kid got the reputation, but it never went any farther. Well done. You get my last six just in time. Nancy:)
Comment Written 01-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2023
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I'm sorry it's taken so long to respond Nancy. Thank you very much for the six star review. appreciate you taking the time to read and review my story.