Bound By Our Sins
2nd Place34 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Congratulations on the second place finish. It's a shame a lot of these competitions don't garner more participants these days.
it's a good tale. there were a couple of little minor things I picked up on as I read through-
$2,000 dollars?" Carl needed the money.- missing opening speech marks here.
Becky was a skinny, large-chested blond.- generally it's blonde for female and blond for male, although this may be going out of fashion.
She had shoulder length dirty blond hair- you don't need to repeat the same descriptor here as you've given us blond a sentence or two before.
The two paragraphs in the middle about how they look is a little irrelevant and doesn't really need to be there. it's just a bit of an info dump which slows the piece down.
sat an iron box with a pad lock- padlock can be a single word here.
Get married. We'll be together forever! - missing closing speech marks here.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2023
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Hi there,
Congratulations on the second place finish. It's a shame a lot of these competitions don't garner more participants these days.
it's a good tale. there were a couple of little minor things I picked up on as I read through-
$2,000 dollars?" Carl needed the money.- missing opening speech marks here.
Becky was a skinny, large-chested blond.- generally it's blonde for female and blond for male, although this may be going out of fashion.
She had shoulder length dirty blond hair- you don't need to repeat the same descriptor here as you've given us blond a sentence or two before.
The two paragraphs in the middle about how they look is a little irrelevant and doesn't really need to be there. it's just a bit of an info dump which slows the piece down.
sat an iron box with a pad lock- padlock can be a single word here.
Get married. We'll be together forever! - missing closing speech marks here.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 01-Jun-2023
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2023
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Good to hear from you. Thanks for the great assists.
Comment from Eternal Muse
Oh, how I wish I had a six for it! It was better than a Hitchcock movie. Grabbed my attention from the first line to the last. Thanks for the double space, it was a treat to my eyes (lol).
It was riveting, exciting and provided a good adrenalin jump.
Honestly from your description, I thought he was a sissy and was incapable of killing two women. But you know what they say about the quiet ones.
Very much enjoyed, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-May-2023
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Oh, how I wish I had a six for it! It was better than a Hitchcock movie. Grabbed my attention from the first line to the last. Thanks for the double space, it was a treat to my eyes (lol).
It was riveting, exciting and provided a good adrenalin jump.
Honestly from your description, I thought he was a sissy and was incapable of killing two women. But you know what they say about the quiet ones.
Very much enjoyed, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 30-May-2023
reply by the author on 30-May-2023
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Thank you! This was a fun one.
D
Comment from Monica Chaddick
AMAZING!!! This story grabbed me, held me, surprised me, entertained me. I wish I had fifty stars to give instead of only five. By all means, keep writing!
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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AMAZING!!! This story grabbed me, held me, surprised me, entertained me. I wish I had fifty stars to give instead of only five. By all means, keep writing!
Comment Written 29-May-2023
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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Thank you for the awesome review!
Comment from JT traveller
I really appreciate your descriptive abilities. In Australia we call girls like Becky prawns or butter faces. Prawns, rip the head off, leave the body. Butter face, nice body, but her face?! I personally prefer your fantasy writing Douglas but this is good too. Jacqueline
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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I really appreciate your descriptive abilities. In Australia we call girls like Becky prawns or butter faces. Prawns, rip the head off, leave the body. Butter face, nice body, but her face?! I personally prefer your fantasy writing Douglas but this is good too. Jacqueline
Comment Written 29-May-2023
reply by the author on 29-May-2023
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Just a fun write. Fantasy is t a big hit on FS.
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It does not mean it is not your big hit. You truly have a gift that desires to be shared. Who cares what others think. I love your fantasy stories. You, personally, have converted me. Keep up the good fight. Jacqueline
Comment from Ric Myworld
What a fun and entertaining story that I've certainly enjoyed. A crowbar for a mouthy broad sounds like a great name for another story. LOL. Thanks for sharing and I sure wish I had a six for this one.
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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What a fun and entertaining story that I've certainly enjoyed. A crowbar for a mouthy broad sounds like a great name for another story. LOL. Thanks for sharing and I sure wish I had a six for this one.
Comment Written 24-May-2023
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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Thanks, Ric. It was a fun write!
Comment from Faith Williams
Oh my is right, Douglas! I certainly didn't see what Carl meant when he said he 'took care of the co-worker.' Wow! And the note? Great job with the story!
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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Oh my is right, Douglas! I certainly didn't see what Carl meant when he said he 'took care of the co-worker.' Wow! And the note? Great job with the story!
Comment Written 22-May-2023
reply by the author on 24-May-2023
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Thank you! I thought it was a good write.
Comment from DragonSkulls
What an excellent story, my friend. Hilarious how he kills that nagging woman off. Lol. I know we're not suppose to just give fluff reviews but I can't find any issues as far as grammar, spelling and all that. Great job. Best of the bunch in my opinion. Let me go plop another vote on there. I loved the twist ending. Best of luck.
Ron
reply by the author on 21-May-2023
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What an excellent story, my friend. Hilarious how he kills that nagging woman off. Lol. I know we're not suppose to just give fluff reviews but I can't find any issues as far as grammar, spelling and all that. Great job. Best of the bunch in my opinion. Let me go plop another vote on there. I loved the twist ending. Best of luck.
Ron
Comment Written 21-May-2023
reply by the author on 21-May-2023
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Thanks, Ron.
Comment from irishauthorme
Great story! Good character development, you portrayed the controlling lady using her sexual ability to overcome all obstacles in her way. Carl was actually a photo-perfect duplicate of the wimps we see every day, dominated by their chosen life companions.
Good tension all the way through, and that totally unexpected double twist at the end: Carl got his huevos back, challenged his intruder, and made himself rich in the process.
Wonder who will be the next "Becky?"
irish
reply by the author on 19-May-2023
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Great story! Good character development, you portrayed the controlling lady using her sexual ability to overcome all obstacles in her way. Carl was actually a photo-perfect duplicate of the wimps we see every day, dominated by their chosen life companions.
Good tension all the way through, and that totally unexpected double twist at the end: Carl got his huevos back, challenged his intruder, and made himself rich in the process.
Wonder who will be the next "Becky?"
irish
Comment Written 18-May-2023
reply by the author on 19-May-2023
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Thanks for the well wishes, and awesome review, Irish. People seem to like my little story. We shall see how it does!
Comment from Mrs. KT
"Oh, my my my," is so correct!
What a hoot!
You had me at "Michigan basement," Doug. As a life-long Michigan resident, I despise those basements = a perfect setting for your exceptionally well-crafted story.
Love the characters, dialogue, and plot.
Pacing was excellent as well as the twist at the end. Actually, a couple of twists...
Much enjoyed!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
reply by the author on 19-May-2023
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"Oh, my my my," is so correct!
What a hoot!
You had me at "Michigan basement," Doug. As a life-long Michigan resident, I despise those basements = a perfect setting for your exceptionally well-crafted story.
Love the characters, dialogue, and plot.
Pacing was excellent as well as the twist at the end. Actually, a couple of twists...
Much enjoyed!
Thank you for sharing!
diane
Comment Written 17-May-2023
reply by the author on 19-May-2023
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Thanks for the well wishes, and awesome rating, Diane. People seem to like my little story. We shall see how it does!
Comment from Jim Wile
Excellent, Douglas. I can't say that I feel too sympathetic towards Carl. He certainly gets pushed around by the women in his life, but he doesn't seem to feel much remorse for killing them. You had a great buildup, and I didn't really see that coming, but it is kind of fun when an obnoxious bitch like that gets her due.
This was well written with good plotting and pace. Great job! Jim
reply by the author on 19-May-2023
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Excellent, Douglas. I can't say that I feel too sympathetic towards Carl. He certainly gets pushed around by the women in his life, but he doesn't seem to feel much remorse for killing them. You had a great buildup, and I didn't really see that coming, but it is kind of fun when an obnoxious bitch like that gets her due.
This was well written with good plotting and pace. Great job! Jim
Comment Written 17-May-2023
reply by the author on 19-May-2023
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Thanks for the well wishes, and awesome rating, Jim. People seem to like my little story. We shall see how it does!