Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "Animals at play"Musings of an old man - 2022
45 total reviews
Comment from jaded831
I am not a child, but enjoyed reading your poem. All the animals reminded me of watching children at play. Great personification and tone, topped with an intriguing picture. Your entire presentation gets a thumbs up.
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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I am not a child, but enjoyed reading your poem. All the animals reminded me of watching children at play. Great personification and tone, topped with an intriguing picture. Your entire presentation gets a thumbs up.
Comment Written 19-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Thank you for the thumbs up: 👍👍
Comment from Sandra Nelms-Ludwig
A cute poem. I liked your use of alliteration throughout the poem. It gives the poem more of a nursery rhyme quality. There were a few areas you could make this poem stronger. In the first stanza/verse perhaps add (so she) in front of the 3rd line. Makes the rhythm better. I felt that stanza two seems a bit forced and could be made stronger. The last line in stanza three needs to be longer (add a word or 2) to keep the rhythm sing-song like kids like.
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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A cute poem. I liked your use of alliteration throughout the poem. It gives the poem more of a nursery rhyme quality. There were a few areas you could make this poem stronger. In the first stanza/verse perhaps add (so she) in front of the 3rd line. Makes the rhythm better. I felt that stanza two seems a bit forced and could be made stronger. The last line in stanza three needs to be longer (add a word or 2) to keep the rhythm sing-song like kids like.
Comment Written 19-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Sanda, thank you for your keen insight!
Comment from leather
This is delightful and an easy read. I just wish it could have one more stanza that would sort of tie all the above ones together. A solid entry for which I hope you the best.
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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This is delightful and an easy read. I just wish it could have one more stanza that would sort of tie all the above ones together. A solid entry for which I hope you the best.
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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thanks!
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Friend,
Nice piece of Children's Poetry having lucid as well as perfectly matching the theme phraseology, smooth flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lovely rhyming scheme, and beautifully depicting its theme.
Picture enhances depth and beauty of the poem.
BEST OF LUCK in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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Hello Friend,
Nice piece of Children's Poetry having lucid as well as perfectly matching the theme phraseology, smooth flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lovely rhyming scheme, and beautifully depicting its theme.
Picture enhances depth and beauty of the poem.
BEST OF LUCK in the contest.
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 19-May-2022
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RP thank you very much! This style is way outside my comfort zone. To receive your extra star is personally rewarding.
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JLR, Most Welcome!
With best wishes,
~ RP
Comment from Donna G. (aka Sam Duck)
I enjoyed this cute and funny poem. I think you have met the criteria - this would definitely catch a child's interest! The poem rhymes nicely (except the 'sandhill' stanza, which kind of stretches the rhyme), and it has a good rhythm to it. This is a sweet read, just the thing for a break from work at 3 in the afternoon.
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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I enjoyed this cute and funny poem. I think you have met the criteria - this would definitely catch a child's interest! The poem rhymes nicely (except the 'sandhill' stanza, which kind of stretches the rhyme), and it has a good rhythm to it. This is a sweet read, just the thing for a break from work at 3 in the afternoon.
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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T hanks Sam enjoy the rest of the day!
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I imagine young kids would enjoy your fun
contest entry, Mystery Author. I like the
rhymes and the names you gave the animals.
Those names made it more personal instead
of just general animals. Your image is
supportive.
Best wishes, Jan
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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I imagine young kids would enjoy your fun
contest entry, Mystery Author. I like the
rhymes and the names you gave the animals.
Those names made it more personal instead
of just general animals. Your image is
supportive.
Best wishes, Jan
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Thank you!
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
Like your poem. It is a poem that children would love to read. The different animals in your poem bring lots of description and meaning to poetry.
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Like your poem. It is a poem that children would love to read. The different animals in your poem bring lots of description and meaning to poetry.
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Thank you for your review and comments.
Comment from GARY MACLEAN
Cute little Noah's ark sort of verse. Lots of animals, all named of course. And lots of different situations for them to get in trouble.
Very cute, nice job.
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Cute little Noah's ark sort of verse. Lots of animals, all named of course. And lots of different situations for them to get in trouble.
Very cute, nice job.
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Thanks much!
Comment from Bill Schott
This children's poem, Animals at Play, gives the readers a good feeling while imagining all the play going on in this fun poem.
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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This children's poem, Animals at Play, gives the readers a good feeling while imagining all the play going on in this fun poem.
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Appreciating your comments, Bill. Thank you!
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Great artwork and nice presentation.
-You did a good job with all of the
animals and their quirky nature.
-Effective imagery and rhyme that a child would enjoy,
along with the animals and their names.
-I like Stevie who "decided nuts were better, way up high."
-I like the alliteration in the poem, and children
like to hear the sounds, like "Bobbie, the bobcat"
and "Toto the tortoise."
-A very good entry; good luck.
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reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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-Great artwork and nice presentation.
-You did a good job with all of the
animals and their quirky nature.
-Effective imagery and rhyme that a child would enjoy,
along with the animals and their names.
-I like Stevie who "decided nuts were better, way up high."
-I like the alliteration in the poem, and children
like to hear the sounds, like "Bobbie, the bobcat"
and "Toto the tortoise."
-A very good entry; good luck.
-
Comment Written 18-May-2022
reply by the author on 18-May-2022
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Pam, thanks for your review and comments. A few weeks ago a tried a children's poem and it bombed - I felt terrible 😒😒
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You are welcome. Do you mean as in not getting votes or not getting good reviews? Sometimes the blind contests are very difficult to win.
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Its the votes ... but I am not driving by the voting booth , I am driven by the outstanding supportive reviews where I can apply constructive input from writers far better than me.
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Thanks for sharing. Did you consider trying some of the cash contests? In fact, there is one for the children's poem. I'm not sure when it closes. One advantage is your name is on it, and you still get the reviews. It's something to think about. There are a lot of good cash contests and you don't pay an entry fee.
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Pam that is awesome advice! I do appreciate this recommendation.
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I had no idea this was your poem. I figured it was a new member. I am glad you liked the advice.