Charlie
A brief story about my brother-in-law.40 total reviews
Comment from Earl Corp
I don't know if this is fiction or not but it's a great story. If it is a work of fiction Kudos to you for your creativity. Very nice job. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2022
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I don't know if this is fiction or not but it's a great story. If it is a work of fiction Kudos to you for your creativity. Very nice job. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2022
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Earl, Thank you for your kind review. It was nonfiction. He was a fine fellow to know. Terry.
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
I enjoyed reading your story. You did a great job with the prompt. The photograph adds life to your words. Using it also added emotion to your story. Well done!
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2022
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I enjoyed reading your story. You did a great job with the prompt. The photograph adds life to your words. Using it also added emotion to your story. Well done!
Comment Written 27-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 28-Feb-2022
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Cheryl C.
Well done. Although you didn't mention his age, he just appeared to be young. I wonder how he would have answered the question that you posed at the end.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
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Well done. Although you didn't mention his age, he just appeared to be young. I wonder how he would have answered the question that you posed at the end.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
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Thank you for the review, very kind of you. He was 16 when he joined the Merchant Marine, then 20years a drunk, and finally 38 years sober. He died when he was 73.
Comment from Kit Nongkhlaw
Wonderful story with a wonderful lesson to learn. Somewhere along the line, we became a drunk maybe liquor or anything else. But I admire your Charlie for the ability to change. I admire the fact that only 25 members of his family came but 600 of his drunk friends were there. Thanks for sharing and wish you all the very best in the contest, Kit
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
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Wonderful story with a wonderful lesson to learn. Somewhere along the line, we became a drunk maybe liquor or anything else. But I admire your Charlie for the ability to change. I admire the fact that only 25 members of his family came but 600 of his drunk friends were there. Thanks for sharing and wish you all the very best in the contest, Kit
Comment Written 27-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
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Thank you very much.
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The pleasure is mine
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Charlie, tells of one of the many lives that was saved by "owning' one's disease and finding the strength to make it back and flourish. Good one.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
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This story, Charlie, tells of one of the many lives that was saved by "owning' one's disease and finding the strength to make it back and flourish. Good one.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
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Thank you very much!
Comment from Dawn Munro
What a fascinating tale! I enjoyed this very much.
I do have one suggestion though -- "If you knew you were going to die that night. Would you have gone to the gym or a bar?" is really one question: "If you knew you were going to die that night(,) (w)ould you have gone to the gym or a bar?"
Brilliant ending to this story! (And I bet the Charlie would have given that gym a pass...)
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
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What a fascinating tale! I enjoyed this very much.
I do have one suggestion though -- "If you knew you were going to die that night. Would you have gone to the gym or a bar?" is really one question: "If you knew you were going to die that night(,) (w)ould you have gone to the gym or a bar?"
Brilliant ending to this story! (And I bet the Charlie would have given that gym a pass...)
Comment Written 27-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2022
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Thank you for the suggestion and the review. I don' t know what he would have done.
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I picked the bar because the gym seemed to have contributed to his death. ? You are very welcome.
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, it is a bit on the short side. The writing construction is fine, but as a story I would caution between showing and telling. This is mostly a narrator telling us about Charlie.
notes:
Was the new century going to stop all of our electronics?(.)
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Hmm, it is a bit on the short side. The writing construction is fine, but as a story I would caution between showing and telling. This is mostly a narrator telling us about Charlie.
notes:
Was the new century going to stop all of our electronics?(.)
- remove
Comment Written 26-Feb-2022
Comment from mermaids
This is a marvelous story and inspirational. Charlie was such an interesting man, joined AA, merchant marine and love the pic of him with the cat. Your writing is excellent and I wish you well in this unique contest.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2022
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This is a marvelous story and inspirational. Charlie was such an interesting man, joined AA, merchant marine and love the pic of him with the cat. Your writing is excellent and I wish you well in this unique contest.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2022
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Thank you very much, the Cat was named Oscar!
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This is a great story. There are only things I like about it.
1 - The use of 'the first time I saw Charlie' to create a good counterpoint
2 - the exciting life your Carlie lead
3 - the ending. Superbly executed.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2022
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This is a great story. There are only things I like about it.
1 - The use of 'the first time I saw Charlie' to create a good counterpoint
2 - the exciting life your Carlie lead
3 - the ending. Superbly executed.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2022
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Thank you very much, very kind of you.
Comment from LJbutterfly
This is a great entry for the contest, especially since it is a biographical true story. It's well written with just enough information about Charlie to allow the reader to get to know him. I do have one question about this sentence. "But he became a friend of Bill's and joined AA." I re-read the story but couldn't tell who Bill was. Other than that, I truly enjoyed this story. Best wishes in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2022
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This is a great entry for the contest, especially since it is a biographical true story. It's well written with just enough information about Charlie to allow the reader to get to know him. I do have one question about this sentence. "But he became a friend of Bill's and joined AA." I re-read the story but couldn't tell who Bill was. Other than that, I truly enjoyed this story. Best wishes in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2022
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Thank you for your kind review and comments. Members of AA only go by their first name, the reference to Bill is how they think of themselves. They are a friend of Bill's...Bill W., the founder of AA.
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Thank you so much for your explanation of who Bill W. is. I will remember that forever.
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Thank you I know now I should have added that to the author notes. I will correct that thanks to you.