The Challenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Challenge, Act 1, Scene 5"Young Man Has Doubts About Becoming a Priest
31 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
I am sorry to be so behind in reading your scripts. I wish I could achieve with my scripts the same audience appeal you have. You are able to create characters that most of us don't see about us in daily life. James is destined for not much success as a politician if he can't get his drinking and attitude under control. Of course, it is harder to make nice with your own family. Phillip is obviously in denial. Will he ever face up to it? Mother and daughter make quite a pair, Mother caring for Susan. It's too bad she has so much invested in her sons, and still treats them like children. Excellent development of your script. judi
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
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I am sorry to be so behind in reading your scripts. I wish I could achieve with my scripts the same audience appeal you have. You are able to create characters that most of us don't see about us in daily life. James is destined for not much success as a politician if he can't get his drinking and attitude under control. Of course, it is harder to make nice with your own family. Phillip is obviously in denial. Will he ever face up to it? Mother and daughter make quite a pair, Mother caring for Susan. It's too bad she has so much invested in her sons, and still treats them like children. Excellent development of your script. judi
Comment Written 15-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2021
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Thank you so very much, Judi! I have so much respect for your playwriting expertise that getting such comments from you is touching. I appreciate you! Thanks for the six. It's whipped cream!
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You are very welcome. Such unique characters. You've had the top-rated script for several months now. judi
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C'mon, you're making me tear up!
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This would play well. I can just imagine the actor playing Phillip. judi
Comment from GregoryCody
Ooh. GOOD CLOSE!
Okay. Forgive me but I'm ignirant to certain styles. So is this a novel or a script?
I just know it PULLS you in man every every time. No joke, each time.
Okay so your dialogue is great. I mean VERY believable if that makes sense. It makes me want to learn more.
S' not what I meant.
And the other lines where you leave out letters. I love it because the VOICE comes alive!
Professor Fitzsimmons. Where do you come up with names?
Okay so is James going to come out? Or is he really gay?
Btw Norm Macdonald had a great bit about being a "deeply closeted gay man". Nothing to do with this, he was just a great comedian and he will be missed.
YOU are STELLAR. I friggin love reading because it brings out a lot of questions. I hope that is okay?
This pulled me in man. And just fyi, I wouldn't give a six just because I respect you. I actually don't give out them that often.
Great job :)
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Ooh. GOOD CLOSE!
Okay. Forgive me but I'm ignirant to certain styles. So is this a novel or a script?
I just know it PULLS you in man every every time. No joke, each time.
Okay so your dialogue is great. I mean VERY believable if that makes sense. It makes me want to learn more.
S' not what I meant.
And the other lines where you leave out letters. I love it because the VOICE comes alive!
Professor Fitzsimmons. Where do you come up with names?
Okay so is James going to come out? Or is he really gay?
Btw Norm Macdonald had a great bit about being a "deeply closeted gay man". Nothing to do with this, he was just a great comedian and he will be missed.
YOU are STELLAR. I friggin love reading because it brings out a lot of questions. I hope that is okay?
This pulled me in man. And just fyi, I wouldn't give a six just because I respect you. I actually don't give out them that often.
Great job :)
Comment Written 14-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Gregory ... you don't know the timing of your review to my monthly standing vis-a-vis Scripts. You singlehandedly pushed me from second place for December to first place. Thank you for that.
It's definitely a script. My next more conventional story you'll want to read because you'll have a vested interest in it. That's all I'll say. It'll be out sometime before Christmas.
James is not the one whose sexuality is in question. It's Phillip. James is a politician and social climber who is more worried about his own career if Phillip should out himself and be openly gay.
So, thanks again for reading, and for the six stars.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
No, I'd not heard 'uncle' said that way before, in fact I went through the beginning of the chapter again to see if I'd missed something and he wasn't Phillip's cousin. Thanks for the explanation. :)
So far, Phillip hasn't acknowledged he is gay, probably because his future would be in jeopardy if he did, and it would mean admitting it to himself. But if his brother can see it, many others will, too. Time for Phillip to step back and reflect upon what he really wants in life. Another well written chapter, Jay, and I think I've caught up!
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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No, I'd not heard 'uncle' said that way before, in fact I went through the beginning of the chapter again to see if I'd missed something and he wasn't Phillip's cousin. Thanks for the explanation. :)
So far, Phillip hasn't acknowledged he is gay, probably because his future would be in jeopardy if he did, and it would mean admitting it to himself. But if his brother can see it, many others will, too. Time for Phillip to step back and reflect upon what he really wants in life. Another well written chapter, Jay, and I think I've caught up!
Comment Written 13-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2021
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Good, Sandra. You got out of it exactly what I hoped you would. Some came out of it wondering if James was gay, oddly because of what Phillip said to him after James's comment to his mother about naming the first one after her. With that I was only trying to show James's drunken state. Again, Sandra, thanks for weighing in. I've missed you. The 6 stars was the whipped cream!
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
I wonder why James drinks so much? If he loses the election for Worcester city council, I could see him getting drunk... perhaps. But that vote is still in the future. He wants to be a politician, but perhaps he feels a bit intimidated by his brother. Is he jealous? The other thing I wonder about, does he suspect that Phillip is gay? And will he let it out of the bag to mother Margaret... by accident, of course, in a drunken stupor?
"But when I come out all sober and smellin' pretty ... you're still ... gonna be ... whooo you aaare."
Margaret noticed that Arthur looked sad when he left. Is that it, though? Or will she log that in her brain, and later wonder "Why?"
Hopefully, James will sober up before Professor Fitzimonds arrives. (I wonder what this visit is all about? Does the professor suspect Phillip's homosexual tendencies, by any chance?)
I notice you spelled his name "Fitzimonds". Perhaps that spelling is legitimate. But I would guess "Fitzsimons" or "Fitzsimmons". (Fitzsimons is a surname of Norman origin, common in both Ireland and England.) ...just wondering~
A good scene, Jay, and necessary to the play. James and Phillip seem to get along, roughhousing like a couple of puppies. I just hope James doesn't blow it. The next scene should be interesting with the Professor.
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2021
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Hi Jay,
I wonder why James drinks so much? If he loses the election for Worcester city council, I could see him getting drunk... perhaps. But that vote is still in the future. He wants to be a politician, but perhaps he feels a bit intimidated by his brother. Is he jealous? The other thing I wonder about, does he suspect that Phillip is gay? And will he let it out of the bag to mother Margaret... by accident, of course, in a drunken stupor?
"But when I come out all sober and smellin' pretty ... you're still ... gonna be ... whooo you aaare."
Margaret noticed that Arthur looked sad when he left. Is that it, though? Or will she log that in her brain, and later wonder "Why?"
Hopefully, James will sober up before Professor Fitzimonds arrives. (I wonder what this visit is all about? Does the professor suspect Phillip's homosexual tendencies, by any chance?)
I notice you spelled his name "Fitzimonds". Perhaps that spelling is legitimate. But I would guess "Fitzsimons" or "Fitzsimmons". (Fitzsimons is a surname of Norman origin, common in both Ireland and England.) ...just wondering~
A good scene, Jay, and necessary to the play. James and Phillip seem to get along, roughhousing like a couple of puppies. I just hope James doesn't blow it. The next scene should be interesting with the Professor.
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 11-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2021
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Thank you Kimbob for taking the time to read this. I realize the timing was poor on my part to ask you to read it. One of the reasons I am waiting until after the first of the year to write the next scene is that I have no idea whatever the content of the meeting with the Professor will be ... or yield. I did at one time. But I can't follow that direction because the earlier scenes disarmed the coming one. Now it would be so "staged" if I followed the original design. I shall wait for inspiration's call.
There is no significance to the spelling, or misspelling of the Professor's name.
Again ... thank you for this ... and for the six!
Merry Christmas,
Jay
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I would have read it by Saturday night anyway, Jay. I had 2 sixers left, and one was destined for you.
Merry Christmas, buddy!
Kimbob
Comment from Bill Schott
We have a pretty good handle on all characters' motivations by now, I think. You will, of course, prove me wrong in the next scene or act. These brothers are a compelling pair who are trying to figure out their relationship with each other.
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2021
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We have a pretty good handle on all characters' motivations by now, I think. You will, of course, prove me wrong in the next scene or act. These brothers are a compelling pair who are trying to figure out their relationship with each other.
Comment Written 10-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2021
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No, I don't think I'll prove anyone wrong here. As a matter of fact, My thoughts on the final couple of scenes are so plebian that I'm taking a hiatus from the play while I work on a Christmas story, and not attack scene six until after the new year. As usual, though, I thank you for reading this and for rewarding me so heartily.
I hope the Covid is behind you both and that you'll have a marvelous and healthy Christmas and New Year.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Sibling ructions and arguments haven't changed much in nearly seventy years. There is no dating of this scene (except perhaps the word Uncle), which is uncanny to me. I feel dislocated from reality, somehow, and yet I'm sure this wasn't your intention.
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Sibling ructions and arguments haven't changed much in nearly seventy years. There is no dating of this scene (except perhaps the word Uncle), which is uncanny to me. I feel dislocated from reality, somehow, and yet I'm sure this wasn't your intention.
Comment Written 08-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2021
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Is that a positive dislodgement, or a negative one? Either way, it wasn't intended. Thank you for your always appreciated comments and for the sparkly stars.
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I don't know. It was just an observation for your consideration.
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Gotcha. I live off those observations, Katherine
Comment from lyenochka
Sorry for the late review! I'm finally getting to the posts from Saturday night - had to end reviewing early due to an early Sunday schedule!
Yes, I know the "uncle" reference. That was fine and it gave us the picture of brotherly physical roughhousing affection/banter that they had as kids.
But what confused me was the comment about the naming "the first after you." I guess James is addressing his mother? Is the "first" the child that they would have? In Phillip's case, as a Catholic priest, he can't be married. (Although in some cases, if they are married first, they can be - especially the Orthodox).
But James is also not likely to have kids if he is gay. Although these days, it does not stop them from having surrogate children.
One spelling comment unless it's British:
Upstage left, door to kitchen, equipt (equipped)
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2021
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Sorry for the late review! I'm finally getting to the posts from Saturday night - had to end reviewing early due to an early Sunday schedule!
Yes, I know the "uncle" reference. That was fine and it gave us the picture of brotherly physical roughhousing affection/banter that they had as kids.
But what confused me was the comment about the naming "the first after you." I guess James is addressing his mother? Is the "first" the child that they would have? In Phillip's case, as a Catholic priest, he can't be married. (Although in some cases, if they are married first, they can be - especially the Orthodox).
But James is also not likely to have kids if he is gay. Although these days, it does not stop them from having surrogate children.
One spelling comment unless it's British:
Upstage left, door to kitchen, equipt (equipped)
Comment Written 07-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2021
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Thank you for the heads up on "equipped". That was a typo. At least I know better. I'll take care of that.
I wish I'd left that remark out. It was merely to highlight James's drunkenness and his lack of inhibition. Phillip was right. It was stupid and didn't even make sense. But some reviewers were getting quite Freudian with it. Obviously, if a child could be conceived between men (brothers or otherwise) it would be the result of a gay activity which is why Phillip asked if he (James) was trying to say he was homosexual. And it was the perfect comeback for James to counter with his implication that Phillip was homosexual. (Earlier in the formulation of the play I had planned on having Phillip intimate with his brother about his sexual self-doubts and his consideration of having a sex-change operation. Of course, so that it wouldn't come across as just a whim, it would have involved conversations with his mother about never feeling comfortable in his own body, wanting dolls and makeup, etc., and all this was going to be part of Jame's resentment over fearing that it would impact on his political career negatively, hence his drinking. As you might guess, this was expanding beyond the narrower confines of a play and would have made a decent sized novel. So I decided I would concentrate on his self-doubts re homosexuality and priesthood. But ... irony of ironies, I didn't inform the cast. Poor James harbors a secret that's making him drink ... and it's getting out of hand.] I know. TMI.
You're the first one I've explained this to and I couldn't stop!
Thanks again for your support, Helen.
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Thanks for the added info, Jay! What I find intriguing about your play is the stark changes towards homosexuality since the 1950s. I know actors like Perry Mason (Raymond Burr) who carefully concealed his private life because of how awful society would treat him otherwise.
Comment from RShipp
I have popped in to the middle of the story/ play.
You have very unique and creative characters.
Loved the camaraderie between the brothers. Both 'love' and 'a little abrasive'.
Looking forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2021
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I have popped in to the middle of the story/ play.
You have very unique and creative characters.
Loved the camaraderie between the brothers. Both 'love' and 'a little abrasive'.
Looking forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 07-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2021
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You are welcome anytime. Sorry you had to be left in such confusion. Good to have you aboard.
Comment from Tina Crute
I live in the USA so I understand what calling 'Uncle' means. I said it many times to my older brother. You well-detailed the relationship of the brothers, sort of criticizing each other but not hating each other. Mother acts like many I know; she just goes with the flow,lol.
I enjoyed your drama- full play!
Tina
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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I live in the USA so I understand what calling 'Uncle' means. I said it many times to my older brother. You well-detailed the relationship of the brothers, sort of criticizing each other but not hating each other. Mother acts like many I know; she just goes with the flow,lol.
I enjoyed your drama- full play!
Tina
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thank you, Tina, for your input on the "Uncle" question. It turns out to be more an Americanism, as I found out from the responses I got from Britain and Australia. I'm thrilled you are enjoying the play.
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You're welcome!
Best to you!
Tina
Comment from lancellot
Hmm, this was an interesting scene. You did well in getting the readers more insight into the other members of the family and their personal, and physical imperfections and challenges. You also show the mother, perhaps 'acting' as if she sees little or does little.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Hmm, this was an interesting scene. You did well in getting the readers more insight into the other members of the family and their personal, and physical imperfections and challenges. You also show the mother, perhaps 'acting' as if she sees little or does little.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2021
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2021
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Thanks, Lance. Many have mentioned the mother and had forgotten that she had mentioned to Phillip in the first scene that James was drinking again, and asked that he talk to James about it. This was obviously not the right time. Thanks again, for reading.