Microcosm in a Chinese Garden
Distant landscapes close at hand...17 total reviews
Comment from RGstar
I just read and had to give feedback. What a lovely expressive poem. Great adjectives nicely placed , with verbs sending them into action.
Well done.
Good luck with your entry.
Best wishes.
RGstar
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I just read and had to give feedback. What a lovely expressive poem. Great adjectives nicely placed , with verbs sending them into action.
Well done.
Good luck with your entry.
Best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 03-Dec-2020
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Lisa,
Wow! This must have been a lot of work. I see your full moon just above the lake. Just wondering~ do you think a soft golden shade might benefit the poem instead of white? That would be my only suggestion.
I like your description of his eyes...
"the moon's reflection in a raindrop
now reminds me of your wistful eyes,
gleaming, tender as mist in distant valleys"
And this line shows your reverence for everything God has made. The Indians have an appreciation for all things... rock, water, earth... they viewed these things as living.
"All these stones underfoot, rounded as the moon, are
one step away from insignificance - yet enormous in
their smallness"
"the rhythms of life intertwine their compositions:
balanced patterns of the universe." ... so many things have an effect on others. Everything is connected. Nothing is separate. Except, possibly, man's greed.
Terrific imagery in your closing lines...
"A graceful willow invites the wind. Water shivers." ... I've seen water shiver, now that you mention it. Perfect personification, by the way, as well as the reference to "The Wind in the Willows", the children's novel by Scottish novelist Kenneth Grahame, published in 1908. Spring arrives, and with such nice weather outside, good-natured Mole gets tired of mundane spring cleaning. He does an "exit-stage right", scampering from his underground dwelling place, emerging to breathe the fresh air and ends up at the river, which he has never laid eyes on before. Soon, he meets Rat, who (at this time of year) spends all his days in, on or close to the river... etc., etc. Mole is not as contented as Rat, or you. Some people are like that. They can't appreciate the little things, the simple things, the natural beauty God is so good at creating. He is the Great Provider, and has given us all that we need... whether it's looking at the moon or dabbling our toes in a brook.
Great job with this... a Poem of the Month, methinks!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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Hi Lisa,
Wow! This must have been a lot of work. I see your full moon just above the lake. Just wondering~ do you think a soft golden shade might benefit the poem instead of white? That would be my only suggestion.
I like your description of his eyes...
"the moon's reflection in a raindrop
now reminds me of your wistful eyes,
gleaming, tender as mist in distant valleys"
And this line shows your reverence for everything God has made. The Indians have an appreciation for all things... rock, water, earth... they viewed these things as living.
"All these stones underfoot, rounded as the moon, are
one step away from insignificance - yet enormous in
their smallness"
"the rhythms of life intertwine their compositions:
balanced patterns of the universe." ... so many things have an effect on others. Everything is connected. Nothing is separate. Except, possibly, man's greed.
Terrific imagery in your closing lines...
"A graceful willow invites the wind. Water shivers." ... I've seen water shiver, now that you mention it. Perfect personification, by the way, as well as the reference to "The Wind in the Willows", the children's novel by Scottish novelist Kenneth Grahame, published in 1908. Spring arrives, and with such nice weather outside, good-natured Mole gets tired of mundane spring cleaning. He does an "exit-stage right", scampering from his underground dwelling place, emerging to breathe the fresh air and ends up at the river, which he has never laid eyes on before. Soon, he meets Rat, who (at this time of year) spends all his days in, on or close to the river... etc., etc. Mole is not as contented as Rat, or you. Some people are like that. They can't appreciate the little things, the simple things, the natural beauty God is so good at creating. He is the Great Provider, and has given us all that we need... whether it's looking at the moon or dabbling our toes in a brook.
Great job with this... a Poem of the Month, methinks!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 30-Nov-2020
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You are such a wonderfully encouraging reviewer of my work... I appreciate your comment very much. The Wind in the Willows is a marvellous story - it was one of our required texts for reading at school, which sometimes can lead to resentment because we MUST read it, but I loved this one.
Regarding your notion of coloring the poem a soft golden colour - that would make the horizon line look off, so coloring those 2 lines green could be an option as well, however, the editing options do not give a very good range of color choices so I have left it as it is.
Comment from Mia Twysted
I love the way you did the shape of the piece. That had to take some thought and I am sure that finding the right words to fill it out was a bit hard. I love the calm sense I feel as I come to the end of the piece. Like someone I hae been transformed.
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I love the way you did the shape of the piece. That had to take some thought and I am sure that finding the right words to fill it out was a bit hard. I love the calm sense I feel as I come to the end of the piece. Like someone I hae been transformed.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
Comment from Bill Schott
This concrete poem, Microcosm in a Chinese Garden, finds the moon shining down on the life and shapes in this quiet and serene garden. Small pieces are here, which have their place in life, as we do.
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This concrete poem, Microcosm in a Chinese Garden, finds the moon shining down on the life and shapes in this quiet and serene garden. Small pieces are here, which have their place in life, as we do.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written shape poem about celebrating the moon and circles that are presented in a beautiful designed Chinese garden that seems very peaceful.
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A very well-written shape poem about celebrating the moon and circles that are presented in a beautiful designed Chinese garden that seems very peaceful.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2020
Comment from poetwatch
I'm in Brownsville right now, Jenny and using my phone. Though I don't see how you sculptured you poetic masterpiece l love your way with words they captivate me. Beautiful poem. :) you're on a roll with me. I like a challenge. Check out my post.
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I'm in Brownsville right now, Jenny and using my phone. Though I don't see how you sculptured you poetic masterpiece l love your way with words they captivate me. Beautiful poem. :) you're on a roll with me. I like a challenge. Check out my post.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
Comment from juliaSjames
LisaMay you deserve the sixth star for this carefully crafted shape poem. The content is excellent with some exceptional peaks. I mean that for me there are some disconnects, lacunae, that I've never observed before in your writes. Were you by chance channeling an oriental style? It works; but your free flowing genius seems oddly constrained.
It strikes me as odd that although I've visited several Japanese gardens I've never been to a Chinese garden even during my visit to China. So thank you for the introduction.
stay safe, serene and blessed
Julia
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LisaMay you deserve the sixth star for this carefully crafted shape poem. The content is excellent with some exceptional peaks. I mean that for me there are some disconnects, lacunae, that I've never observed before in your writes. Were you by chance channeling an oriental style? It works; but your free flowing genius seems oddly constrained.
It strikes me as odd that although I've visited several Japanese gardens I've never been to a Chinese garden even during my visit to China. So thank you for the introduction.
stay safe, serene and blessed
Julia
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
Comment from Michele Harber
Wow, Lisa May! Your words are beautiful and very visual, but that you made them fit that perfect moon and horizon line is amazing! You made excellent use of oxymorons like "enormous in their smallness" and "distant landscapes close at hand." The image of "pitted rocks and caverns ... perforating the far mountains" really stood out to me for its visual acuity. This is a lovely poem, both verbally and visually.
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Wow, Lisa May! Your words are beautiful and very visual, but that you made them fit that perfect moon and horizon line is amazing! You made excellent use of oxymorons like "enormous in their smallness" and "distant landscapes close at hand." The image of "pitted rocks and caverns ... perforating the far mountains" really stood out to me for its visual acuity. This is a lovely poem, both verbally and visually.
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
Comment from Mary Vigasin
I took your advise and waited until I could read this on my computer and I am glad I did.
First how clever and creative in your presentation.
That being said, your writing is absolutely beautiful as you bring your reader into the garden and also gives them relaxation and contentment.
In this poem your talent truly shines.
Regards,
Mary
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I took your advise and waited until I could read this on my computer and I am glad I did.
First how clever and creative in your presentation.
That being said, your writing is absolutely beautiful as you bring your reader into the garden and also gives them relaxation and contentment.
In this poem your talent truly shines.
Regards,
Mary
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020
Comment from lyenochka
Wow!! Such a stunning poem! Beautifully shaped and it gives me a peaceful reflection on a moonlight night in the garden. My favorite part was :
"one step away from insignificance - yet enormous in
their smallness" - both a confession of humility as well as sense of value and significance. Super job with this one. So glad to still have a six!!
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Wow!! Such a stunning poem! Beautifully shaped and it gives me a peaceful reflection on a moonlight night in the garden. My favorite part was :
"one step away from insignificance - yet enormous in
their smallness" - both a confession of humility as well as sense of value and significance. Super job with this one. So glad to still have a six!!
Comment Written 29-Nov-2020