Comment from Ekim777

Exceptional

This is a poetic delight. Every syllable be it in rhyme or every form and phrase of alliteration slips seemingly smoothly into place. The resulting poetic picture might fill a canvas like a swirling dance. I would rename this masterpiece; Whirling Dervishes.

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Thank you so much, most encouraging comments and lovely stars,

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

such a hard style to write - rhyming, syllable count and alliteration - whew - all done perfectly!!! I commend you on this - job well done.

Teresa

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Thanks Teresa, for these wonderful words.

Comment from Leineco

Excellent

:-) I like this tale of swallows and hawks. . .so full of alliteration :-)

My only thought is on the word silly in the final line. In keeping with the carefree joy implied in the opening two lines, I' d have like to have seen saucy or sassy instead. . .silly just sort of seemed slightly a'kilter :-)

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Thanks so much for the suggestion and the amazing review.

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Ya' know, I knew immediately upon reading this that it was an entry in the Rhyming Alliterisen contest, Mystery Poet. I'm ingenious that way, heh-heh.
That being said, you have certainly managed to fulfill the contests obligations, I would think. Not only is it abundant with alliterative phrases, you've also managed to rhyme, which I imagine was no easy feat given the constraints.

Well done, and best of luck to ya!
~Dean :}

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Thanks Dean, for this wonderful review and comments, and as usual, your gracious words.

Comment from The Cowboy Poet

Excellent

Excellent imagery. The onomatopoeia and alliteration gave the poem a lyrical and moving quality. Good use of the couplet form. I like it. Cowboy.

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Thanks for this wonderful review and comments,

reply by The Cowboy Poet on 14-Aug-2015

You're welcome. I'll check back for others. Cowboy.

reply by the author on 14-Aug-2015

Thanks again.

Comment from rjuselius

Excellent

This is a brilliant entry for this particular writing prompt dear anonymous! It flows very well and it paints a vivid picture.
Thank you for sharing!
This should do well.
Good luck!
Blessings!
Rebekka x

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Thanks Rebekka, for this wonderful review and comments,

Comment from Janet Foor

Exceptional

Sweet -- This is a lovely Rhyming Alliterisen poem. I loved the alliteration which flowed beautifully. Perfect rhyme and syllable count. Well done.

Blessings
Janet

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Thanks Janet, for this outstanding review and comments,

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Swirling swallows

Beautiful and well constructed rhyming alliterative poem. You did a great job with the syllable count. Excellent entry for the Rhyming Alliterate Contest Prompt. Good job!

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Thanks, for this wonderful review and comments,

Comment from scd41

Excellent

It's an interesting contest. Only those who are gifted to write poetry in the format and that too have a strong vocabulary like you can venture to submit entries for the contest. I dare not go anywhere near it. You have followed the rules to the letter. The best is some alliteration of not so common words - swirling swallows, wending wheeling. The best is in the third line where there are two pairs of alliteration ' Tumbling turning flutt'rings flight'

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Thanks, for this wonderful review and comments,

Comment from starkat

Excellent

Ah, those silly swallows had so much fun tumbling turning and playing tag - unawares they'd soon be a hawk's dinner.

This is a dynamic alliterisen filled with lots of visual action. You keep the readers eye in the sky to experience it all. Great job with this form as you paint the story of the swallows and hawks. Wonderful word choices and solid rhymes makes this a delightful and most entertaining read. Managing to fit everything into only 7 syllables per line is a high degree of difficulty and you made it seem easy. Bravo!

Only thing that caught my eye that might need a change is the punctuation in the last line - too many commas? I don't think the word 'spirits' needs a comma.
suggestions -
Silly swallows spirits sag
Silly swallows' spirits sag

Anyway, you did a fabulous job. This is a super-excellent contest entry that I predict will win this contest.

Cheers ... ;o)

 Comment Written 13-Aug-2015

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reply by the author on 13-Aug-2015

Thanks for this wonderful review and comments, and suggestion