Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Chapter 5; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
74 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
He walked to the teenage mail - male
I'm coming to the aide of a pretty female - aid
I know Mom's important to you - add the capital M
What happens if you and Mom break up - add the capital M and divide breakup into break up.
I doubt your mom and I will break up
Barbara, I really liked the conversation with Cassie and the "conversation" with the boy harassing her - Joe can use far different tones depending on the occasion :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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He walked to the teenage mail - male
I'm coming to the aide of a pretty female - aid
I know Mom's important to you - add the capital M
What happens if you and Mom break up - add the capital M and divide breakup into break up.
I doubt your mom and I will break up
Barbara, I really liked the conversation with Cassie and the "conversation" with the boy harassing her - Joe can use far different tones depending on the occasion :-) Brooke
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Thank you for catching those errors. I will make the immediate corrections. I am making more and more as I get more and more fatigued. I am about ready to quite writing until I get healthy again. I appreciate your review.
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Barbara, if writing is a hassle, give it a rest. On the other hand, if it takes your mind off things, don't worry that you make a few little errors - I have your back, my friend :-)
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I enjoy writing and it gives me a break from the reality, but I get frustrated with my stupid mistakes. All the mistakes I made are so simple. I should not have made any of them. I know I mess up with commas but these any elementary child should have known.
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Don't beat yourself up over the small stuff, Barbara. Write. Express yourself. I am not ill. I can take care of a few little nits for you. Heck, if you're worried about the world seeing those few mistakes, send me what you write first. : -)
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I am worried. One reviewer told me once, that I was a school teacher, I should write better than I do.
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I have no use for reviewers who think their function is to scold people.
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I don't either and to be honest it really hurt.
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You have to ask yourself what a person gets out of saying something he/she is pretty sure will hurt another. What kind of life does that person lead that this is a natural impulse? Makes me feel mighty sorry for them.
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That's very true. This particular person I have a feeling, believe it's his duty to correct the world.
Comment from c_lucas
You are doing a good job of turning Joe into a family man. This is very well written with god imagery and descriptive scheme.
Errors:
He walked to the teenage mail.(male)
She started clearing the plates and silverware." (delete ")
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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You are doing a good job of turning Joe into a family man. This is very well written with god imagery and descriptive scheme.
Errors:
He walked to the teenage mail.(male)
She started clearing the plates and silverware." (delete ")
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Thank you for catching those errors. I will make the corrections. I am about ready to give up writing until I am healthy again.
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You're welcome. Slow down, but don't give up. Charlie
Comment from forestport12
You certainly illustrate that you can build a good story without inserting violence into every chapter. The sense of conflict is real and the characters show me depth. I'm not sure I would qualify to suggest any changes. I need read more of your backstory to this. It does sound like an interesting plot with a senior girl surviving her gigantic challenges and a young boy killed at war. A very real down home American story.
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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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You certainly illustrate that you can build a good story without inserting violence into every chapter. The sense of conflict is real and the characters show me depth. I'm not sure I would qualify to suggest any changes. I need read more of your backstory to this. It does sound like an interesting plot with a senior girl surviving her gigantic challenges and a young boy killed at war. A very real down home American story.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Connie P
I was excited to see this chapter posted, the story is moving along. I hate to see Joe leave too, even though I know he'll be back. He's won the heart of the daughter as well as the mother.
Double check this: He walked to the teenage mail.
Connie
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reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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I was excited to see this chapter posted, the story is moving along. I hate to see Joe leave too, even though I know he'll be back. He's won the heart of the daughter as well as the mother.
Double check this: He walked to the teenage mail.
Connie
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2010
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I have made the correction. Thank you for your kind review.