Atomic Renga
Collaborative Linked Tanka Poetry Writing57 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I admire what you've written with Dean Kuch, your collusion has produced a classically unique Japanese tanka, in what turns out to be a classic resemblance to a free verse structured work, beautifully designed and written, an excellent study, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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I admire what you've written with Dean Kuch, your collusion has produced a classically unique Japanese tanka, in what turns out to be a classic resemblance to a free verse structured work, beautifully designed and written, an excellent study, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Roy, for your review and thank Dean, too, when you run across his work again. We had a lot of fun in our collusion,. It also moved and disturbed us. I can't get out of my head the shadow of the girl vaporized while playing jump rope. thank you for your generous review of our "classically unique Japanese tanka."
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Well done Andre
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Well done Andre
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Informative and well written piece.
Historical notes add another level of depth to the poem.
The atomic bomb was probably one of the most destructive devices mankind ever invented.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Informative and well written piece.
Historical notes add another level of depth to the poem.
The atomic bomb was probably one of the most destructive devices mankind ever invented.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Yes, Brett, the atomic bomb is probably one of the most destructive devices mankind ever invented. I wish can un-invent them, but we just have to live with the threat of their use. Thank you for your review of Dean and my "Informative and well written piece."
Comment from DR DIP
Before I read your author's notes I knew from your verse it was the Hiroshima atomic bomb catastrophe.
This is a very interesting exercise to write alternate stanzas. I think it works with this collaboration. Thanks for sharing.
Very good write
dip
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Before I read your author's notes I knew from your verse it was the Hiroshima atomic bomb catastrophe.
This is a very interesting exercise to write alternate stanzas. I think it works with this collaboration. Thanks for sharing.
Very good write
dip
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Yes, Dip, before there was haiku written by solo poets, Japanese people met at taverns, tea houses, and imperial courts to write these rengas collaboratively. It was great for Dean and I to return to the Japanese form of collaborative renga writing. Thank you for your review.
Comment from chcbeck
A brilliant collaboration well done to the both of you. The poem and image are both haunting and words are powerful. The aftermath of the bomb must have been horrific. Great poem thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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A brilliant collaboration well done to the both of you. The poem and image are both haunting and words are powerful. The aftermath of the bomb must have been horrific. Great poem thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Yes, chcbeck, the aftermath of the atomic bombs were horrific--people vaporized, branded, and charred. The photos are horrible. Thank you for your review of Dean's and my "brilliant collaboration." Be sure to thank him when you review his work next time.
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Sis Cat,
Thank you for the extensive author's notes explaining your method and motivation in this piece, especially with the concept of Renga. What a great analogy to writing music. I took several notes as I was reading this piece:
Manmade sun
obliterates
as empire's sun sets.
Sad shadows cast on white walls--
winter settles on a new world. (excellent use of S consonance and alliteration of the S that continues into the next stanza; and W, too.)
cherries trees wither. (cherry trees)
Radiation--
the gift that keeps on giving.
No returns, please.
One lonely man limps along,
unhappy with his purchase. (poignant phrasing, excellent imagery and metaphor, inspired word choices)
The image is the shadow of a girl vaporized while playing jump rope in Hiroshima. (This is powerful enough to bring a tear to the eye. I'm at a loss for further words to tell you how the stark truth of this image makes me feel.)
Your mother-child metaphors for Enola Gay and Little Boy are the icing on the cake. This is a powerful piece and worthy of the sixth shiny star. May it shine on to honor the legacy of the innocent victims.
Thank you for sharing this excellent work!
Kim
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Hi Sis Cat,
Thank you for the extensive author's notes explaining your method and motivation in this piece, especially with the concept of Renga. What a great analogy to writing music. I took several notes as I was reading this piece:
Manmade sun
obliterates
as empire's sun sets.
Sad shadows cast on white walls--
winter settles on a new world. (excellent use of S consonance and alliteration of the S that continues into the next stanza; and W, too.)
cherries trees wither. (cherry trees)
Radiation--
the gift that keeps on giving.
No returns, please.
One lonely man limps along,
unhappy with his purchase. (poignant phrasing, excellent imagery and metaphor, inspired word choices)
The image is the shadow of a girl vaporized while playing jump rope in Hiroshima. (This is powerful enough to bring a tear to the eye. I'm at a loss for further words to tell you how the stark truth of this image makes me feel.)
Your mother-child metaphors for Enola Gay and Little Boy are the icing on the cake. This is a powerful piece and worthy of the sixth shiny star. May it shine on to honor the legacy of the innocent victims.
Thank you for sharing this excellent work!
Kim
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Oh, thank you, Dovey, for your generous, six star review, detailed comments, and edits of Dean's and my renga. I, too, can't get out of my head the photo of the shadow of the girl vaporized while playing jump rope. We took the facts of the Enola Gay and Little Boy and spun them into "the icing on the cake" you enjoy now. Thank you again, and be sure to thank Dean directly when you review his work.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Okay, Andre, I can already see it coming.
This will be the third of six sixes I've used that we are allotted, and here it is only Sunday.
Once again, I will be out before dawn Monday morning.
Is it just me, or do you too believe, as I do, that those of us who review a great deal need more than just six?
In any event, I felt all of these tanka you and I worked on were more than a passing mention of America's and our world's sad, sordid history.
I fear that once more, they will prove to be prophetic.
I truly pray I'm wrong...
~Dean
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Okay, Andre, I can already see it coming.
This will be the third of six sixes I've used that we are allotted, and here it is only Sunday.
Once again, I will be out before dawn Monday morning.
Is it just me, or do you too believe, as I do, that those of us who review a great deal need more than just six?
In any event, I felt all of these tanka you and I worked on were more than a passing mention of America's and our world's sad, sordid history.
I fear that once more, they will prove to be prophetic.
I truly pray I'm wrong...
~Dean
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Thank you very much, Dean, for proposing this renga topic and for collaborating with me. Some reviewers have been moved to tears while others voiced concerns about North Korea's test missiles. I am thrilled at our opportunity to share with reviewers a collaborative style of renga writing, but I am also moved by our subject that has resonance today. Thank you once again.
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It's always a pleasure to work with you, Andre.
Thank you as well.
~Dean
Comment from Lu Saluna
This is a very timely piece. Very well conceived and written by both you and Dean.
This topic has weighed heavily upon my mind of late.
About 14 months ago North Korea launched a "test missile" on the morning my partner and stepson were leaving the Philipines to come home. I was frantically looking up on the map, direction of the missile vs where their flight took off from and was very relieved to see they were in opposite directions. Ever since then I have been keeping my ears open for the new of what North Korea has been up to.
Your Renga is somewhat prophetic and a wake-up call for what may be coming. But with all my heart, I hope the news and my sixth sense is wrong.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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This is a very timely piece. Very well conceived and written by both you and Dean.
This topic has weighed heavily upon my mind of late.
About 14 months ago North Korea launched a "test missile" on the morning my partner and stepson were leaving the Philipines to come home. I was frantically looking up on the map, direction of the missile vs where their flight took off from and was very relieved to see they were in opposite directions. Ever since then I have been keeping my ears open for the new of what North Korea has been up to.
Your Renga is somewhat prophetic and a wake-up call for what may be coming. But with all my heart, I hope the news and my sixth sense is wrong.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2017
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2017
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Oh, Lu, I hope our Renga is not prophetic with North Korea test firing missiles. Even though Dean and I wrote our poem about events that happened in the past, the topic weighs heavily on our minds today. Thank you for your review.