Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Chapter 11; part two"Can love survive small town gossip?
92 total reviews
Comment from fictionwriter
Another wonderful chapter. I'm surprised you can continue writing when Chemo makes you feel so horrible. My prayers continue to be with you. Great job.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Another wonderful chapter. I'm surprised you can continue writing when Chemo makes you feel so horrible. My prayers continue to be with you. Great job.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I have good days and bad days. The novel is complete so all I do is edit.
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Thank you for your kind review. I have good days and bad days. The novel is complete so all I do is edit.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Barbara, this time I have tears in my eyes as I go through this interesting chapter, there are so many layers of feelings within your lines. Only I think Joe is getting too sentimental nearing the end of the chapter, especially in such a dangerous situation. Sorry, maybe it's just me ... :) All in all, a powerful chapter.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Hi, Barbara, this time I have tears in my eyes as I go through this interesting chapter, there are so many layers of feelings within your lines. Only I think Joe is getting too sentimental nearing the end of the chapter, especially in such a dangerous situation. Sorry, maybe it's just me ... :) All in all, a powerful chapter.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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You may be right, well have to wait and see if it effects his mission. Thank you for your kind review.
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You may be right, well have to wait and see if it effects his mission. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from eclecticjules
I really enjoyed reading this and was instantly intrigued as to what was happening to Cassie. I like the present day setting with real life crimes.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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I really enjoyed reading this and was instantly intrigued as to what was happening to Cassie. I like the present day setting with real life crimes.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from boberto
Hi there, BW. I enjoyed your story --It certainly is relevant in today's world.May I make a couple of suggestions.
In the prologue---
"While Col. Joe Barnes visited his parents, he was reacquainted with his best friend's baby sister, Sara. Sara became pregnant during her senior year and raised her daughter, Cassie by herself. His best friend, Josh, was killed during Desert Storm."
You repeat, "his best friend" and don't need to do so.
Howabout--
"While Col. Joe Barnes visited his parents, he was reacquainted with Sara, the baby sister of his best friend, Josh. Sara became pregnant during her senior year and raised her daughter, Cassie by herself. Josh, was killed during Desert Storm."
It would help to have a transistion between the fourth and third to last lines. Geirge kinds drops in suddenly.
Just suggestions.
boberto
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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Hi there, BW. I enjoyed your story --It certainly is relevant in today's world.May I make a couple of suggestions.
In the prologue---
"While Col. Joe Barnes visited his parents, he was reacquainted with his best friend's baby sister, Sara. Sara became pregnant during her senior year and raised her daughter, Cassie by herself. His best friend, Josh, was killed during Desert Storm."
You repeat, "his best friend" and don't need to do so.
Howabout--
"While Col. Joe Barnes visited his parents, he was reacquainted with Sara, the baby sister of his best friend, Josh. Sara became pregnant during her senior year and raised her daughter, Cassie by herself. Josh, was killed during Desert Storm."
It would help to have a transistion between the fourth and third to last lines. Geirge kinds drops in suddenly.
Just suggestions.
boberto
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 29-Nov-2010
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I appreciate your help with the prologue. If I would the book in a few words it wouldn't be 60,000. I hate condensing stuff.
Comment from allborn66
This is a great chapter. There is movement in the story. The characters interact with each other in a believable fashion. The dialogue is great.
Barbara
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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This is a great chapter. There is movement in the story. The characters interact with each other in a believable fashion. The dialogue is great.
Barbara
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Thank you for your kind review.
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Pili Pubul
Another excellent chapter, very good dialogue and awakens the reader tension and curiosity , I hope that Cassie will be found soon ! I am glad you are surviving the chemo, I hope it wont last to long...
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Another excellent chapter, very good dialogue and awakens the reader tension and curiosity , I hope that Cassie will be found soon ! I am glad you are surviving the chemo, I hope it wont last to long...
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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I have one more round of chemo in phase one, then 12 more chemos following, one week apart. Thank you for your kind review.
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I wish you the best... You very welcome, I was not in the computer a few days I am on antibiotics for three months due to necrosis of the bone in the jaw, better today and trying to catch up with reviews...
Comment from Dave-Aranda-Richards
You penned a real page turner here! What I like most of you writing is the dialogue which is usually short and to the point. Can't stand verbiage with un-needed word. Good writing.
Dave
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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You penned a real page turner here! What I like most of you writing is the dialogue which is usually short and to the point. Can't stand verbiage with un-needed word. Good writing.
Dave
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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I don't like un-needed words either. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from ejebb1951
You've got a fan Barbara, the suspense is tearing at me. I'm hanging on to every word. I know she loves that man. We can watch our children day in, day out but they find ways to get around us watching. We must stay one step in front at all times. My daughter and I foster teens and we know a few things that they don't know, like keeping tabs on who they're IMing or texting. Call in invasion of privacy if you must but we call it protection. Continue my friend.
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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You've got a fan Barbara, the suspense is tearing at me. I'm hanging on to every word. I know she loves that man. We can watch our children day in, day out but they find ways to get around us watching. We must stay one step in front at all times. My daughter and I foster teens and we know a few things that they don't know, like keeping tabs on who they're IMing or texting. Call in invasion of privacy if you must but we call it protection. Continue my friend.
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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I agree, I figure as long as they live under my roof, I have rights. I raised four boys.
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I agree 100%. When things change, get a job and move out.
Comment from dmjones
I wanted this chapter to keep going. It seemed so short. It was fast paced and well written. I hope they hurry and find Cassie.
Just a couple of missing ":
buttoning his shirt. (")I'm sorry I let you see
but I don't want to lose you.(") Joe watched her
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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I wanted this chapter to keep going. It seemed so short. It was fast paced and well written. I hope they hurry and find Cassie.
Just a couple of missing ":
buttoning his shirt. (")I'm sorry I let you see
but I don't want to lose you.(") Joe watched her
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Hey, I had one reviewer state it would be condensed into one or two paragraphs. I am taking care of those mistakes. Thank you for sticking by me.
Comment from Ted T
Hi Barbara :)
This is a good chapter, I liked the imaging and business you gave the characters this time. Good dialogue exchanges.
I'm still running behind on reviews because of final "nit-picking" on my novel. We have a deadline for the publisher.
Ted
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Hi Barbara :)
This is a good chapter, I liked the imaging and business you gave the characters this time. Good dialogue exchanges.
I'm still running behind on reviews because of final "nit-picking" on my novel. We have a deadline for the publisher.
Ted
Comment Written 28-Nov-2010
reply by the author on 28-Nov-2010
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Thank you for stopping by. I appreciate your input.
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Hi Barbara :)
You're most welcome.
I'm chopping useless adverbs from my manuscript to make it better. That includes a lot of dialogue and action tags that are being tossed.
Ted