My Story (Edited)
I can still taste the metal of the .357 in my mouth...54 total reviews
Comment from Mark Alan Trimeloni
...as I stuck the muzzle of dad's pistol in my mouth.
Got my attention from the get go. Made me want to read on.
It was 1985.
The year I graduated high school.
I just wanted it all to stop.
I can't imagine anyone who hasn't felt this way at one time or another.
It was my Dad who had decided to return home for an early lunch.
Good thing your dad was hungry.
"Son...are you awake," he inquired?
You sleep in the den. Well, it's better than the basement I guess.
About hour into my task, I decided to take a bit of a break, get something cold to drink and rest for a while.
About (an) hour into my task, I decided...
It was then that I heard... the voice.
Oh no, not the voice.
That to me, in and of itself, makes sharing this with you all the more worthwhile.
I'm glad you decided to stick around. Since you seem to grasp my sick way of joking around, I know you'll see the humor in my comments above. Keep writing Dean. You wild man!
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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...as I stuck the muzzle of dad's pistol in my mouth.
Got my attention from the get go. Made me want to read on.
It was 1985.
The year I graduated high school.
I just wanted it all to stop.
I can't imagine anyone who hasn't felt this way at one time or another.
It was my Dad who had decided to return home for an early lunch.
Good thing your dad was hungry.
"Son...are you awake," he inquired?
You sleep in the den. Well, it's better than the basement I guess.
About hour into my task, I decided to take a bit of a break, get something cold to drink and rest for a while.
About (an) hour into my task, I decided...
It was then that I heard... the voice.
Oh no, not the voice.
That to me, in and of itself, makes sharing this with you all the more worthwhile.
I'm glad you decided to stick around. Since you seem to grasp my sick way of joking around, I know you'll see the humor in my comments above. Keep writing Dean. You wild man!
Comment Written 11-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Ha, yes, I do enjoy havin' you drop in, Mark. And you're absolutely right, I do also share that same, sick sense of humor. Thanks too for pointing out that typo to me (00ops!) I'd best get back there and fix it before I get docked three stars for SPaG! ;)
Thanks again, my friend. Always a pleasure, for real!
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery to your words.
Error
Pulling the push mower out of the garage, I checked the gas and oil levels, then pushed it out to the edge of the front lawn. (The push mower is all mechanical. It doesn't use gas and a minimum of oil.)
wetting my parched pallet(palate)
you I (it) have been a saint since
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery to your words.
Error
Pulling the push mower out of the garage, I checked the gas and oil levels, then pushed it out to the edge of the front lawn. (The push mower is all mechanical. It doesn't use gas and a minimum of oil.)
wetting my parched pallet(palate)
you I (it) have been a saint since
Comment Written 11-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thanks for reviewing this, c_lucas. I really appreciate it.
I don't know what type of mower my father had, other than it was an older model Craftsman. And, it did, in fact, require both gasoline as well as oil. It had a small dip-stick for each fluid; one read "OIL", the other, "FUEL".
As far as the other suggestions, I will certainly fix them straight away...Thanks so much again for your insightful review.
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Google "early craftsman power lawnmowers, Images" My older brother and I had one in the fifties and earned ten to twenty dollars a week working after school and Saturdays. I don't remember the brand. You're welcome, Dean.
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Thanks, my friend. You're always an inspiration. I did WAY too much lawn mowing as a kid. And dog walking, pop bottle collecting (back then, you got ten cents per bottle!), newspaper delivering...Mom always said I'd be a millionaire before I hit thirty. Boy, was SHE ever wrong!
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We both worked but for different reasons. I'm was third from youngest of a large family. My father died of cancer two days after my sixth birthday. It was work or starve.
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That's so sad, losing your father at such a young age. I am genuinely sorry he's not with you today. It has obviously made you a man of great moral character and determination.
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My father was born in 1892, mother 1906. both would be well pass a hundred.
Comment from emjaihammond
Well, all I can say to you is, Thank God for His goodness! I'm so glad that your Dad came home and that the yard became of such importance to you. I found this story to be such a emotional ride, it really just breaks the heart and then mends it together again. And just to say, I could smell the fresh mowed grass and the rain as it came down. Funny, but I love both of those things. It's wonderful to know you found love and happiness and more children after this happened. It is brave to share this deeply personal piece, but in doing so, you may bring help to someone who needs it. We would never guess the people who look like they have it all together, or not, who might be about to take these actions. God Bless You!
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Well, all I can say to you is, Thank God for His goodness! I'm so glad that your Dad came home and that the yard became of such importance to you. I found this story to be such a emotional ride, it really just breaks the heart and then mends it together again. And just to say, I could smell the fresh mowed grass and the rain as it came down. Funny, but I love both of those things. It's wonderful to know you found love and happiness and more children after this happened. It is brave to share this deeply personal piece, but in doing so, you may bring help to someone who needs it. We would never guess the people who look like they have it all together, or not, who might be about to take these actions. God Bless You!
Comment Written 11-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you very much, emjaihammond. I really appreciate your wonderful review.
I believe sharing this story was the hardest thing I have ever written. For me, horror poetry and fiction...that comes easily because I have done it for so long. But, this? This was very, very taxing!
Thanks so much again. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is a fantastic write!!!!! All I really want to stay is "AMEN!' and God works in mysterious ways. You have a very strong testimony and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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This is a fantastic write!!!!! All I really want to stay is "AMEN!' and God works in mysterious ways. You have a very strong testimony and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you very much for such a wonderful review, Barbara. I really appreciate it...a lot!
Comment from Matthew M.
Wow, a word from God. That makes a good story and testimony. Do I believe it? Yes, because if you lied about something like that, then you will spend eternity in hell. Changing your story? I didn't think so. Whether true or not, I enjoyed it and I am glad you are here to write stories.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Wow, a word from God. That makes a good story and testimony. Do I believe it? Yes, because if you lied about something like that, then you will spend eternity in hell. Changing your story? I didn't think so. Whether true or not, I enjoyed it and I am glad you are here to write stories.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Oh, it is most definitely true, Matthew, I can assure you of that. I can't even tell this testimony out loud without sobbing like a baby. I've tried in church before...can't seem to do it.
I appreciate your wonderful review, as well as your insights.
Comment from Dustybones
Great story. Aside from the very good write I must say that in my humble opinion the very first paragraph is a stand out for catching THAT moment.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Great story. Aside from the very good write I must say that in my humble opinion the very first paragraph is a stand out for catching THAT moment.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thanks very much, Dustybones, I appreciate that. I think this was the hardest thing I have ever written. Horror fiction, to me, that kind of thing is second nature, I've been at it for so long. But this? It was real, and it had a profound impact on me to this very day...
Thanks again for the wonderful review.
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I am glad that you took a step back.
People ?(most) will at some time in life think about suicide. I have. But never gotten to the point of almost pulling that trigger.
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I am glad that you took a step back.
People ?(most) will at some time in life think about suicide. I have. But never gotten to the point of almost pulling that trigger.
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I am glad that you took a step back.
People ?(most) will at some time in life think about suicide. I have. But never gotten to the point of almost pulling that trigger.
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I am glad that you took a step back.
People ?(most) will at some time in life think about suicide. I have. But never gotten to the point of almost pulling that trigger.
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I am glad that you took a step back.
People ?(most) will at some time in life think about suicide. I have. But never gotten to the point of almost pulling that trigger.
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I am glad that you took a step back.
People ?(most) will at some time in life think about suicide. I have. But never gotten to the point of almost pulling that trigger.
Comment from Antonin70
The 5 stars are for the wealth of detail and the convincing way it is put across.The spiritual side,that is the decision to live rather than die, was not quite so well done as the relationship at a numinous level between any individual and their god is by definition very individual so would almost certainly not be the same in any two cases.But that is a small criticism compared to the overall powerful effect the fear of death obviously had on the story teller. His self-convincing reasons for why he changed his mind and how he had to do what his father wanted down to the last detail could easily be explained by an atheistic psychologist, I'm happy to say I'm not one, but again the story teller could always argue that he was only recounting what he experienced.It was a good piece of writing, retaining all the Mid-West idioms of speech and spelling that made it very believable. Unfortunately the only thing that didn't quite ring true for me was why he didn't just say 'yes' to his father at the start and then shoot himself while his depression was still at its worst. The story purports to be true, and I have no reason to doubt this, so I can only suppose that he has no more idea what the real answer to that question is than I have. After all,that was the point at which he decided not to shoot himself,not at any later stage in the story, however it may have seemed to him at the time. But overall an excellent story well told. Thanks. Anton
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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The 5 stars are for the wealth of detail and the convincing way it is put across.The spiritual side,that is the decision to live rather than die, was not quite so well done as the relationship at a numinous level between any individual and their god is by definition very individual so would almost certainly not be the same in any two cases.But that is a small criticism compared to the overall powerful effect the fear of death obviously had on the story teller. His self-convincing reasons for why he changed his mind and how he had to do what his father wanted down to the last detail could easily be explained by an atheistic psychologist, I'm happy to say I'm not one, but again the story teller could always argue that he was only recounting what he experienced.It was a good piece of writing, retaining all the Mid-West idioms of speech and spelling that made it very believable. Unfortunately the only thing that didn't quite ring true for me was why he didn't just say 'yes' to his father at the start and then shoot himself while his depression was still at its worst. The story purports to be true, and I have no reason to doubt this, so I can only suppose that he has no more idea what the real answer to that question is than I have. After all,that was the point at which he decided not to shoot himself,not at any later stage in the story, however it may have seemed to him at the time. But overall an excellent story well told. Thanks. Anton
Comment Written 11-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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Thank you very much for such a well thought out, insightful review, Antonin70. You are absolutely right, I have no idea why I simply didn't just go ahead and pull the trigger. You're also right about me being rather atheistic in my theology as I cut the grass for my father. I believed in God, but in a simplistic, matter-of-fact sort of way. That all changed for me that day in my parent's garage.
Before he spoke to me, I couldn't write a recipe, much less a story. I believe he bestowed that particular gift to me, and I am thankful for that.
Thanks again for such a wonderful review. You made my day!
Comment from CR Delport
They say that in 99% of all suicides, in their last moments, the people realize they made a mistake and often its too late. I'm glad this story had an happier ending. There is so much beauty in the world, if one cares to see it. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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They say that in 99% of all suicides, in their last moments, the people realize they made a mistake and often its too late. I'm glad this story had an happier ending. There is so much beauty in the world, if one cares to see it. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 11-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 11-Jun-2013
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I thank you for taking the time to read and review it, CR Delport. I sincerely appreciate it.
Comment from A Matter Of Words
I don't know what to say Dean. This is an extremely well written account of a very difficult time in your like. God's hand is most definitely all over it. Each and everyone of us has a purpose on this earth, and I believe that most of us don't know what it is and we search in the stupidest places for it. The worst outcomes usually prevail. All too often, we can't see that the answers are right in front of us because our eyes are blinded by and souls tainted by our disconnection to God. It is miraculous that he literally shouted in your ear to get your attention. You truly been blessed in countless ways. Sorry for the rambling. Outstanding story telling...Stephanie
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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I don't know what to say Dean. This is an extremely well written account of a very difficult time in your like. God's hand is most definitely all over it. Each and everyone of us has a purpose on this earth, and I believe that most of us don't know what it is and we search in the stupidest places for it. The worst outcomes usually prevail. All too often, we can't see that the answers are right in front of us because our eyes are blinded by and souls tainted by our disconnection to God. It is miraculous that he literally shouted in your ear to get your attention. You truly been blessed in countless ways. Sorry for the rambling. Outstanding story telling...Stephanie
Comment Written 07-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2013
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Thank you so much for reading this story, and appreciating it simply for what it is, Stephanie. It is probably the most difficult thing I've ever written, and what I heard/felt/sensed that day really had a huge impact on me as a person. I met my soul mate soon after this, and we've been married ever since. God answered my childish temper tantrum I had directed towards him. He answered it in more ways than one!
Thank you very much for your thoughtful review.
Comment from NicciFaye
This is the first time am reading this and what is so crazy about it, it randomly popped up just reading different things...I said Dean ...spiritually Category..then I read and was captivated...I love this story...you've just encouraged me to continue writing a story, I've been having in my head for the last couple of days now. God has given you a gift and you used it exceptionally well Dean.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2013
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This is the first time am reading this and what is so crazy about it, it randomly popped up just reading different things...I said Dean ...spiritually Category..then I read and was captivated...I love this story...you've just encouraged me to continue writing a story, I've been having in my head for the last couple of days now. God has given you a gift and you used it exceptionally well Dean.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2013
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2013
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Thanks NicciFaye. I know I write horror and dark fiction, mostly. But God is my pilot, He is the one that pushes me to try harder, go farther and inspire others. No matter the medium, it's what I always try to do.
Thanks so much again for reading my story. It's all true, and I think about everything I would have missed out on. Such as meeting kind, caring people like yourself...