Cowboy Attitudes
Old West - flash fiction (800-words)48 total reviews
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Don. Great write here. Flash fiction used to be a favorite of mine in my short story days. (See portfolio...LOL) You have so many great images laced throughout this tale, my friend. Like:
"Sunlight flickered off a cowboy's spurs..."
And: "There sat the cowpoke, humped over, arms dangling, catching a little catnap on and off."
Aand: "Standing there smiling with the bobbing and weaving enthusiasm of a marionette."
Suggestions: By now, you are aware of how important an opening "hook" is to a chapter or story. I suggest this for your opener: "A hard-boot, heavy stepper came from the livery stable, clomping down the old splintered-oak boardwalk past the entrance to the general store." Then build around that. Also,"Sunlight flickered off a cowboy's spurs as he...etc." Try, "Sunlight flickered off THE cowboy's spurs etc." (It does make a difference, Don)
And: "when an ol' drunk would stumble out the squeaky, swinging doors " Try when an ol' drunk (managed) to stumble out THROUGH the squeaky swinging doors."
Bravo! Good Luck, Don
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Hi, Don. Great write here. Flash fiction used to be a favorite of mine in my short story days. (See portfolio...LOL) You have so many great images laced throughout this tale, my friend. Like:
"Sunlight flickered off a cowboy's spurs..."
And: "There sat the cowpoke, humped over, arms dangling, catching a little catnap on and off."
Aand: "Standing there smiling with the bobbing and weaving enthusiasm of a marionette."
Suggestions: By now, you are aware of how important an opening "hook" is to a chapter or story. I suggest this for your opener: "A hard-boot, heavy stepper came from the livery stable, clomping down the old splintered-oak boardwalk past the entrance to the general store." Then build around that. Also,"Sunlight flickered off a cowboy's spurs as he...etc." Try, "Sunlight flickered off THE cowboy's spurs etc." (It does make a difference, Don)
And: "when an ol' drunk would stumble out the squeaky, swinging doors " Try when an ol' drunk (managed) to stumble out THROUGH the squeaky swinging doors."
Bravo! Good Luck, Don
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Bob, my friend, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and extra special six-star review are greatly appreciated. Yes, the description suffers a little when word counts cause the writer to consciously cut pieces of the picture. I appreciate YOU! :-)
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:) As I appreciate your following my work. :)
Comment from Ben Colder
I wrote Greater Love Hath No Man in 04 and signed many books at the West Virginia Book show. Many great and famious authors I have known and they all have told me in order to place the reader where you want him or her is to never use profanity. I thought it needed some since all the people were not Christians but got terrible feed back from those who were.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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I wrote Greater Love Hath No Man in 04 and signed many books at the West Virginia Book show. Many great and famious authors I have known and they all have told me in order to place the reader where you want him or her is to never use profanity. I thought it needed some since all the people were not Christians but got terrible feed back from those who were.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Ben, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I try to avoid profanity, for the most part. My mother always said those words for the ignorant, with a lack of vocabulary. Although, I do use a bad word here and there to polish a bad character, but I do my best to leave them out, too. :-)
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There are strong wording to replace the polish. Power phrases as well. Something to consider.
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I would appreciate any opportunity to learn from you, so please, never hesitate to tell me what you think I need to know. I'm a big boy, with dry sleeves. I can swipe my eyes without anyone seeing me. Wishing the Best! :-)
Comment from Walu Feral
Hahahaha! G'day Ric. What a great yarn mate. You set the scene up nicely and the twist came as swift as the bullets from the big bloke pistol. Remind me to not speak to a sleeping cowboy please!
Good fun story Sir.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Hahahaha! G'day Ric. What a great yarn mate. You set the scene up nicely and the twist came as swift as the bullets from the big bloke pistol. Remind me to not speak to a sleeping cowboy please!
Good fun story Sir.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I'm happy you liked it, as it was fun to write. :-)
Comment from Gloria ....
Ric you opened with a beautiful image, the sun sparkling off a cowboy's slickers. Right off, we know it's gonna be one of those kind of stories. I can totally picture this cowboy.
I think you captured a terrific scene in some lean and mean flash fiction. The writing is concise, yet vivid and nothing muddies the picture.
Great to see you posting again. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Ric you opened with a beautiful image, the sun sparkling off a cowboy's slickers. Right off, we know it's gonna be one of those kind of stories. I can totally picture this cowboy.
I think you captured a terrific scene in some lean and mean flash fiction. The writing is concise, yet vivid and nothing muddies the picture.
Great to see you posting again. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Gloria, my dear, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and outstanding six-star review are greatly appreciated. I don't post often, but as I learn, it's getting to be more fun all the time, and your continued encouragement has gone a long way toward keeping me plugging. I can hardly wait until Tuesday to post another. Thank you again, my friend. :-)
Comment from Mabaker
Weren't they a bloodthirsty lot in those days? When I was sixteen I read every Western book a small library had. Now I'm not sixteen but I still like a good story. You did a fine job of capturing the scent and flavour of the West in this little slice of life. You got the dialect down pat which can be difficult, but you nailed it well. Regards Mabaker.
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Weren't they a bloodthirsty lot in those days? When I was sixteen I read every Western book a small library had. Now I'm not sixteen but I still like a good story. You did a fine job of capturing the scent and flavour of the West in this little slice of life. You got the dialect down pat which can be difficult, but you nailed it well. Regards Mabaker.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Mabaker, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from ciliverde
Great flash fiction. A clear depiction of the old west, but with a surprising twist. Somethin' about that chair....might not be such a good place to sit, I'm thinking.
Loved the action and the quick, essential character development.
Carol
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Great flash fiction. A clear depiction of the old west, but with a surprising twist. Somethin' about that chair....might not be such a good place to sit, I'm thinking.
Loved the action and the quick, essential character development.
Carol
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Carol, for taking time to read my story. This is the first chance I've had to read reviews since I posted this morning, and yours was the first one I've read, making it extra special. Your kind words and outstanding six-star are greatly appreciated. You have made my day! :-)
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Well-deserved :)
Comment from c_lucas
In its early days, the revolving six shooter was unpredictable. Fanning a gun was totally unhealthy to the shooter and the shootee. This is very well written.
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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In its early days, the revolving six shooter was unpredictable. Fanning a gun was totally unhealthy to the shooter and the shootee. This is very well written.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Charlie, for taking time to read my story. I have read about some of the problems with the early six shooters, but of course I didn't figure anyone, other than you, would know the difference. And so, I figured I would just write it however I wanted to, and might know you would catch me. LOL! Your kind words, heads up, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Ulla
Hi Ric, wow this is goood, loved it. Did I see a parallel to today's world? Well written western style in its own right. Very well done. Loved your opening to the story about the hot sleepy cowboy town. Well done. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Hi Ric, wow this is goood, loved it. Did I see a parallel to today's world? Well written western style in its own right. Very well done. Loved your opening to the story about the hot sleepy cowboy town. Well done. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Ulla, my friend, for taking time to read my story. You have made my day with your kind words and generous six-star review. Who am I kidding, maybe even made my week! Playing with different genres is always a crap shoot on how readers will accept posts. I don't post often, but plan to put up another story on Tuesday. There was a contest I have considered but, this isn't a story type that most on this site usually like. Oh, well, really haven't decided for sure, but I am interested in what you and a special few have to say about it. :-)
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You are so velcome. I will be happy to read when you post. Just let me know. Ulla:)))
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Of course, I can't let you know if I enter the contest. But I probably won't, as I have very mixed feelings. :-)
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Last paragraph seems wordy.
May wish to consider a review of that particular line. Otherwise, seems to be a well written Cowboy story with plenty of action.
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Last paragraph seems wordy.
May wish to consider a review of that particular line. Otherwise, seems to be a well written Cowboy story with plenty of action.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Brett Matthew, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. I wrote this piece in about ten minutes, and then spent two days cutting up the last chapter and putting it back, repeatedly. I'm like you, it does seem like it's about twice the words it needs to be, but every time I chop it down, it winds up not saying close to exactly how the story started. Which was my intention, trying to make it sound like it could keep playing over and over in a loop. Oh, well, it does seem wordy, and whether I change it or not, I sure do appreciate you and those who offer your thoughts in trying to help me make it better. :-)
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Ric, I really enjoyed reading this story. Firstly, the dialogue between these two began intensely until the stranger actually skilled this man in cold blood. Thinking about that statement, made me realize that this is the reality of life today. Something said in an innocent manner and someone takes offense to. Then bloodshed ensues.
Back to the story. The stranger, whoever he was, seemingly used a word from that era. The old guy didn't like, but just letting that moment pass, he escalates it. That cost him his life.
Ric this is a very good read that you wrote with such intense moments. I know it kept me reading and at the end, I wanted more.
Take care my friend and enjoy this holiday weekend.
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Ric, I really enjoyed reading this story. Firstly, the dialogue between these two began intensely until the stranger actually skilled this man in cold blood. Thinking about that statement, made me realize that this is the reality of life today. Something said in an innocent manner and someone takes offense to. Then bloodshed ensues.
Back to the story. The stranger, whoever he was, seemingly used a word from that era. The old guy didn't like, but just letting that moment pass, he escalates it. That cost him his life.
Ric this is a very good read that you wrote with such intense moments. I know it kept me reading and at the end, I wanted more.
Take care my friend and enjoy this holiday weekend.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Jim, my friend, it is always so nice to hear from you. Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I hope you're enjoying this holiday weekend and getting a chance to kick back and relax a little. Wishing You the Best!