Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Maiden Moon"Murder Mystery
77 total reviews
Comment from livingwords
Excellent writing. One of your best. Love the end of the last part...Nit: The last father should be capitalized. Smooth read. Great job. Dan :))
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Excellent writing. One of your best. Love the end of the last part...Nit: The last father should be capitalized. Smooth read. Great job. Dan :))
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Hi, Dan. I'm very honored by your generous and supportive review. Thanks for catching the booboo and for taking time to read my chapter. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from cce29
I like your story. Nice photo selection too. I would love to read more of your story. You describe the situation well. The dialog is good too.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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I like your story. Nice photo selection too. I would love to read more of your story. You describe the situation well. The dialog is good too.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Thank you so much, cce. I really appreciate you checking out my chapter and your generous review. Father Brian has a whole slew of problems ahead! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Max Edon
I thought that this was very well-written. Your style of writing is very colorful. The little glossary at the end was very helpful.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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I thought that this was very well-written. Your style of writing is very colorful. The little glossary at the end was very helpful.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Hi, Max. Thanks for the awesome review! I so appreciate your generous words of support...Bev
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You are welcome--my name is Bev too
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Really, that's cool. I'm definitely going to remember that -not too many of us out there. Cheers, Bev...Bev hehe
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This sounds like a great start to a book-suspenseful. You have done well at introducing characters and setting the scene. Good luck with this !!! Debbie
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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This sounds like a great start to a book-suspenseful. You have done well at introducing characters and setting the scene. Good luck with this !!! Debbie
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Thank you, debbie. I appreciate your great review and words of support and hope you'll check out further chapters. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Showboat
That was absolutely outstanding, ergo, the sixer. I loved the narrative, your words painted lovely pictures.
The dialogue is excellent and I especially appreciate the dialect as well as the explanation in the author's notes.
I love your style and will keep an eye out for your workin the future.
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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That was absolutely outstanding, ergo, the sixer. I loved the narrative, your words painted lovely pictures.
The dialogue is excellent and I especially appreciate the dialect as well as the explanation in the author's notes.
I love your style and will keep an eye out for your workin the future.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Thank you so very much, Gayle. I'm honored when a writer of your considerable talent offers such support for something I've written. This is going to be an interesting series to write for, and I hope, for my readers to enjoy. Blessings, Bev
Comment from LAFraser
I commend you for writing such a wonderful piece. You've obviously done a good bit of research, but one thing you will rarely find in researching any Native American culture and spirituality, is that there is no such thing as a Native American shaman in any Tribe. No Native American will ever take this piece seriously with the word shaman.
Please don't think I'm picking on you, because I would never consider doing such a thing. This is a beautiful piece and I would hate to see a simple word detract from what this piece could become. I sincerely suggest you use 'holy man' or 'medicine man'.
I say this to you because I am a mixed Native and was married to a full Native for many years, before he crossed over. I made the mistake once of calling our medicine man a shaman and the outcome was not very pleasant.
I wish you much success with this and all your works. I'm giving you a five star and believe it could be worthy of a six star, without the word, shaman. :)
Blessings to you and yours.
~Eilish
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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I commend you for writing such a wonderful piece. You've obviously done a good bit of research, but one thing you will rarely find in researching any Native American culture and spirituality, is that there is no such thing as a Native American shaman in any Tribe. No Native American will ever take this piece seriously with the word shaman.
Please don't think I'm picking on you, because I would never consider doing such a thing. This is a beautiful piece and I would hate to see a simple word detract from what this piece could become. I sincerely suggest you use 'holy man' or 'medicine man'.
I say this to you because I am a mixed Native and was married to a full Native for many years, before he crossed over. I made the mistake once of calling our medicine man a shaman and the outcome was not very pleasant.
I wish you much success with this and all your works. I'm giving you a five star and believe it could be worthy of a six star, without the word, shaman. :)
Blessings to you and yours.
~Eilish
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Thank you very much for making that observation, Elish. I do appreciate that you are interested in keeping the piece real. So, out goes the word shaman. In fact, I actually did have medicine man and holy man both at one point - I had no idea there was such strong feelings about the word shaman. I really appreciate you stopping by to check out the chapter and your very generous review.
Kind regards, Bev
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You're very welcome, Bev. I'm so happy I didn't offend you. I fretted over that. I din't think you knew, so I figured best to tell you. I fanned you so I can follow this story. I believe it has great promise. :)
Blessings
~Eilish
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Oh, Gosh. I'm so glad you put me straight, Eilish. The help is always appreciated...Bev
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I'm nearly always here, Bev. If you need anything, let me know. If I don't know the answer to something, I can usually find out pretty quickly. :)
~Eilish
Comment from Bobbi22
This looks to be the beginning of a very good story. Very detailed descriptions of the characters introduced so far. One question - why would Father De Shano assume that someone had done something to Donna. Wouldn't his first assumption be natural death, especially being that she was a shut-in. I am curious as to what happens next.
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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This looks to be the beginning of a very good story. Very detailed descriptions of the characters introduced so far. One question - why would Father De Shano assume that someone had done something to Donna. Wouldn't his first assumption be natural death, especially being that she was a shut-in. I am curious as to what happens next.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 01-Mar-2012
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Hi, RP. Thank you so much for your helpful review. I took a look at the ending again and realized that I had made several leaps that could cause some confusion. So, I've changed it and I think it's a definite improvement. It's reviews like yours that I value for keeping me real. Much appreciated! Bev
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I reread the ending and it does connect better now. Looking forward to the next chapter.
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Thanks for checking back. Appreciate it! Bev
Comment from bookishfabler
This looks to become a very interesting book.
Brian's fingers gathered the blanket's edge, filling his fists with fine-spun wool. Atop the cloth lay a polaroid (Polaroid) snapshot of his parents: a ruddy-complexioned Swede and a striking woman with waist length black hair. His father's broad smile appeared genuine. But his mother's side of the photo was blurred and her eyes were closed against the camera's intrusion.(I love your descriptive words. nicely done)
looking forward to more
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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This looks to become a very interesting book.
Brian's fingers gathered the blanket's edge, filling his fists with fine-spun wool. Atop the cloth lay a polaroid (Polaroid) snapshot of his parents: a ruddy-complexioned Swede and a striking woman with waist length black hair. His father's broad smile appeared genuine. But his mother's side of the photo was blurred and her eyes were closed against the camera's intrusion.(I love your descriptive words. nicely done)
looking forward to more
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Thanks so much, Heidi. Thanks for catching that error, too. I really appreciate your interest and support for the chapter. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Gungalo
Well girl, you haven't failed with this one. Unbelievable really. What an awesome story and it is so well put together, You rock it girl.
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Well girl, you haven't failed with this one. Unbelievable really. What an awesome story and it is so well put together, You rock it girl.
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Thanks so much, Gungalo. I'm really honored by your very generous review and words of support. Xxx Bev
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Smiles and bows. You're so good!!!
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Aw, shucks. Thanks, kind lady. Xxx
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Smiles.
Comment from Mr. Green
I enjoyed your first chapter. Thank you for providing the authors notes at the bottom. The dictionary of terms helped a lot. Your descriptions and characters are well done, and you have created a curiosity that makes me wonder what will happen in the next chapter. Nicely done.
Mr.. Green
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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I enjoyed your first chapter. Thank you for providing the authors notes at the bottom. The dictionary of terms helped a lot. Your descriptions and characters are well done, and you have created a curiosity that makes me wonder what will happen in the next chapter. Nicely done.
Mr.. Green
Comment Written 29-Feb-2012
reply by the author on 29-Feb-2012
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Hi, Mr. Green. Thanks so much for your complimentary and generous review. I appreciate the interest! Warm regards, Bev