Better To Not Go Out and Play
Refugees struggle to find a home. The children suffer.34 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Delaney
"softened by a bullet" - incredible, my favourite line!
I feel like some consitency of flow is needed (unless that was the intention to show the enviroment) something about it feels jagged.
But overall it is an amazing bit of writing, powerful and moving.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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"softened by a bullet" - incredible, my favourite line!
I feel like some consitency of flow is needed (unless that was the intention to show the enviroment) something about it feels jagged.
But overall it is an amazing bit of writing, powerful and moving.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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Elizabeth, thanks for the review and I tend to agree that it feels a bit jagged. Anger at this tragic situation in the world inspired the story. Perhaps that contributes to the jagged feeling. You take care and have a wonderful day.
Cheers
Barry Penfold.
Comment from Peter Jarvis
Better To Not Go Out and Play" is a poignant and heart-wrenching free-form poem that vividly portrays the struggles and suffering of refugees, particularly the children. The imagery and emotions conveyed in this piece are powerful and deeply moving.
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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Better To Not Go Out and Play" is a poignant and heart-wrenching free-form poem that vividly portrays the struggles and suffering of refugees, particularly the children. The imagery and emotions conveyed in this piece are powerful and deeply moving.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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Peter, thanks for your kind review. Glad you enjoyed the read. It is a very sad situation. Not sure there is an end in sight.
Regards
Barry Penfold.
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I agree - take care.
Comment from Paul McFarland
That's a goods one, Barry. You have described a situation that could be in a number of countries. I thank my lucky stars every day that I live in the United States.
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reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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That's a goods one, Barry. You have described a situation that could be in a number of countries. I thank my lucky stars every day that I live in the United States.
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Comment Written 16-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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Paul thanks for the review. Yes, we are both lucky to live in our respective countries. I do not know how some of the refugees keep going. More strength to them. You keep well and all the best for the festive season.
Cheers
Barry
Comment from patcelaw
This poem has a very poignant message and I very much enjoyed listening to it. It is so sad when children do not have a place where they can go out and play. My children are very fortunate in as much as we had a very safe neighborhood where they could go out and play. Unfortunately many today do not have those places. Patricia
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reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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This poem has a very poignant message and I very much enjoyed listening to it. It is so sad when children do not have a place where they can go out and play. My children are very fortunate in as much as we had a very safe neighborhood where they could go out and play. Unfortunately many today do not have those places. Patricia
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2024
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Patricia,
Thanks so much for your review. Glad you enjoyed it. I feel very strongly about this topic and every little bit that can be done for them can only be good for them.
Regards
Barry Penfold.