Wally Weasel's Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Wally's Trip to the Mall"He's not choosy about what he paints.
34 total reviews
Comment from joannakruk
What great flow and fun, simple narrative. I felt as if I was following Wally around the mall. I tend to spend my free days doing the same, people watching when I'm not training, just flowing through the day, observing as I fulfil the daily obligations. Great read.
Jo :-)
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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What great flow and fun, simple narrative. I felt as if I was following Wally around the mall. I tend to spend my free days doing the same, people watching when I'm not training, just flowing through the day, observing as I fulfil the daily obligations. Great read.
Jo :-)
Comment Written 24-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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Thank you for the review and stars. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. 8-)
Comment from MelB
Another wonderful Wally poem! He has moved beyond painting and has taken a trip to the mall. How fun to meet up with a friend.
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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Another wonderful Wally poem! He has moved beyond painting and has taken a trip to the mall. How fun to meet up with a friend.
Comment Written 24-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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Yes, he's branching out. He wanted to get out more. LOL
Thank you for your review, and for the support you've always given me. 8-)
Comment from Leineco
Just for starters - this is perfection of meter and rhyme. And actually, I thought the line breaks worked out perfectly - I liked the way they broke in the first stanza :-)
But more importantly, I smiled all the way through it :-) Not only did it read incredibly smoothly, the simplicity of the story, ornamented by great imagery was delightful.
(By the way. . .I absolutely loved the alligator teeth and the being sprayed by perfume :-) :-) :-)
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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Just for starters - this is perfection of meter and rhyme. And actually, I thought the line breaks worked out perfectly - I liked the way they broke in the first stanza :-)
But more importantly, I smiled all the way through it :-) Not only did it read incredibly smoothly, the simplicity of the story, ornamented by great imagery was delightful.
(By the way. . .I absolutely loved the alligator teeth and the being sprayed by perfume :-) :-) :-)
Comment Written 24-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 24-Jun-2016
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Thank you. It should have been added to his book, but I entered it wrong. There are more Wally stories.
Thank you for the wonderful review and nice comments. I'm so happy you liked him. 8-)
Comment from Douglas Paul
Grrrr - I wish I had a 6 left for this. This another great Wally poem - this series is just soooo good. The rhythm and flow in this poem is very good and it is another fun tale. Good job on this, Yvonne
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Grrrr - I wish I had a 6 left for this. This another great Wally poem - this series is just soooo good. The rhythm and flow in this poem is very good and it is another fun tale. Good job on this, Yvonne
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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You like it. That's enough. Thank you.
Comment from cumulus365
This is a refreshing story to read in form of poetry. I like your narrative story line of your character Wally goes shopping by himself, and where he meets his childhood friend, Willie Wolff. You have the setting which is in a bustling shopping mall. Wally had a purpose of going to the mall. He had a conflict while he was in the mall when he was sprayed on with perfume that he doesn't like. Your story introduces another character Willie, Wally's longtime childhood friend. They end up talking until sunrise. This is a charming story to read, indeed. I enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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This is a refreshing story to read in form of poetry. I like your narrative story line of your character Wally goes shopping by himself, and where he meets his childhood friend, Willie Wolff. You have the setting which is in a bustling shopping mall. Wally had a purpose of going to the mall. He had a conflict while he was in the mall when he was sprayed on with perfume that he doesn't like. Your story introduces another character Willie, Wally's longtime childhood friend. They end up talking until sunrise. This is a charming story to read, indeed. I enjoyed it.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thank you. You've given a very nice review, and I appreciate it so much. I'm so happy you like it. 8-)
Comment from GoodHearted Woman
What lucky grandkids you have damommy. I remember your telling me about your weasel poems. Are they a series. The weasel does this and the weasel does that. Why did you pick a weasel? Did you learn
Pop Goes The Weasel song as a kid? Well, this is a very cute bedtime story for the kids and grandkids, etc. Thanks for sharing it on Fanstory. Marcia
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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What lucky grandkids you have damommy. I remember your telling me about your weasel poems. Are they a series. The weasel does this and the weasel does that. Why did you pick a weasel? Did you learn
Pop Goes The Weasel song as a kid? Well, this is a very cute bedtime story for the kids and grandkids, etc. Thanks for sharing it on Fanstory. Marcia
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Yes, it is a series. Dope that I am, I forgot to add this one to the book. Now, I have to go back and fix that.
Thank you for a lovely review. I'm happy you like it. I don't know why I chose a weasel. He came one day and wouldn't leave. LOL. 8-)
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I should have known...hahaha
Comment from barkingdog
You are so brilliant at making an animal take on human characteristic but still remain itself. Willie's tail, 'little weasel nails'(fine 'l' consonance) and smell validates him as a weasel
Children can relate to the escalator experience. At first it's scary but then it turns to fun. My kids always wanted to ride again. I'd wait while they made a return trip. haha
Your rhyme is perfect as is the cadence.
I thoroughly enjoyed Willie's day at the mall.
:) e
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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You are so brilliant at making an animal take on human characteristic but still remain itself. Willie's tail, 'little weasel nails'(fine 'l' consonance) and smell validates him as a weasel
Children can relate to the escalator experience. At first it's scary but then it turns to fun. My kids always wanted to ride again. I'd wait while they made a return trip. haha
Your rhyme is perfect as is the cadence.
I thoroughly enjoyed Willie's day at the mall.
:) e
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much for this wonderful review. I'm so glad you like it.
I see children who are afraid of the escalator. Mine never were. Like yours, they wanted to ride again. LOL
Comment from MizKat
Hi DaMommy,
I love these poem that you write. They are always written well and tell a cute little story. You write them wonderfully and I always look forward to heading them. Thanks again for sharing this with your friends on FanStory.
Kat
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Hi DaMommy,
I love these poem that you write. They are always written well and tell a cute little story. You write them wonderfully and I always look forward to heading them. Thanks again for sharing this with your friends on FanStory.
Kat
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thank you for the wonderful review. I appreciate your support very much. 8-)
Comment from Dean Kuch
Poor Wally Weasel -- it musta been painful to have perfume squirted in his eyes! Not to mention the smell...WHEW!!! (LOL).
This is delightful poem, Yvonee, and I feel the way you've broken up the lines as you did helps the flow and cadence of this piece tremendously. It's gotta snappy, upbeat tempo when read aloud, and reads very smoothly.
You may want to take another look at the following lines, however. It seems the line was separated in the wrong place. Nothing major, and an easy fix:
It's Willie Wolff, his childhood friend, a
nd this is how the day will end.... Just drop the "a" down to the next line in the word "and", then it'll be fine.
Good work with this, I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks so much for sharing.
~Dean
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Poor Wally Weasel -- it musta been painful to have perfume squirted in his eyes! Not to mention the smell...WHEW!!! (LOL).
This is delightful poem, Yvonee, and I feel the way you've broken up the lines as you did helps the flow and cadence of this piece tremendously. It's gotta snappy, upbeat tempo when read aloud, and reads very smoothly.
You may want to take another look at the following lines, however. It seems the line was separated in the wrong place. Nothing major, and an easy fix:
It's Willie Wolff, his childhood friend, a
nd this is how the day will end.... Just drop the "a" down to the next line in the word "and", then it'll be fine.
Good work with this, I enjoyed reading it.
Thanks so much for sharing.
~Dean
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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Thank you for this lovely review.
I changed the typo, but not before several people saw it. (sigh). No matter how many times I look at it, I miss something. First mistake I've made all year. LOL
I appreciate your time in reading and review Wally. Thank you so much. 8-)
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My pleasure, Yvonne, as always.
~Dean :)
Comment from royowen
I really liked this work, it was funny, ironic, and peculiarly human, particularly young human, great description of an escalator with alligator teeth. I love the way kids can get caught up if one accidentally stumbles onto a kid's toy section. Brilliant little piece, I enjoyed it a lot, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : (a)nd this is how the day will end.
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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I really liked this work, it was funny, ironic, and peculiarly human, particularly young human, great description of an escalator with alligator teeth. I love the way kids can get caught up if one accidentally stumbles onto a kid's toy section. Brilliant little piece, I enjoyed it a lot, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : (a)nd this is how the day will end.
Comment Written 23-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016
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I just saw that typo and changed it, but not before you saw it. LOL
Thank you for your very nice review. It makes me happy to know you like the Wally stories. 8-)
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Most welcome