Cowboy Attitudes
Old West - flash fiction (800-words)48 total reviews
Comment from foxangie123
Gosh you are so dead on that things really don't change that much. You brought that out well and it is genius how you used the Wild West to bring it out. Excellent penning here for real. Bravo.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Gosh you are so dead on that things really don't change that much. You brought that out well and it is genius how you used the Wild West to bring it out. Excellent penning here for real. Bravo.
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you so much, FoxAngie123, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from Kooky Clown
I really enjoyed this and loved the last line it also left me with the feeling should I now go back to the beginning as the story would be quite okay to do so but possibly with a different out come. Good Stuff hence the six.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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I really enjoyed this and loved the last line it also left me with the feeling should I now go back to the beginning as the story would be quite okay to do so but possibly with a different out come. Good Stuff hence the six.
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, comments, and extra special six-star review are greatly appreciated. I'm glad you like it! :-)
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good story! Very clever ending. The cycle continues.
You really need to write shorter sentences with fewer adjectives. You tend to over-describe, such as adding FAINT before TUNE... really not needed.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Good story! Very clever ending. The cycle continues.
You really need to write shorter sentences with fewer adjectives. You tend to over-describe, such as adding FAINT before TUNE... really not needed.
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Yes, I'm sure I tend to over do most of the time, and probably don't need them all. Faint may not be needed, but it was the only way I knew to let the readers know that his humming could barely be heard, other than using twelve words. And I know, just humming might have said enough, but I can hum pretty damn loud myself. LOL! Thanks, again. :-)
Comment from Gone but not forgotten
Nice western piece. Just the same type of story we all grew up on. If you're the fastest, or meanest, or scariest...there's always somebody waiting to take your place. And retirement is out of the question! Thanks for the trip down (movies) memory lane.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Nice western piece. Just the same type of story we all grew up on. If you're the fastest, or meanest, or scariest...there's always somebody waiting to take your place. And retirement is out of the question! Thanks for the trip down (movies) memory lane.
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. It is so nice when someone understands everything a writer is trying to say and do. Most wouldn't truly like that I tried to pay homage to three great western stars. Not understanding that I wasn't trying to use them as examples or images as much as just showing appreciation to some of the best of the last fifty years. And, thanks for understanding the loop I created showing that the same moment in time repeats its self over and over. I'm just darn glad you read my story, because your review has made my day! :-)
Comment from gene roush
it's an interesting scene. The action is engaging and your dialogue is entertaining.
It seems to me that there are times when you add too much to the imagery and leave too little for the reader to imagine.
I assume that you were on a word count which is tuff to manage. Nice job
Gene
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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it's an interesting scene. The action is engaging and your dialogue is entertaining.
It seems to me that there are times when you add too much to the imagery and leave too little for the reader to imagine.
I assume that you were on a word count which is tuff to manage. Nice job
Gene
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thanks for taking time to read my story. Yes, when writing flash fiction, the word count needing to be less than 800, the descriptive imagery is kept to a minimum. I do try to leave a lot to the readers imagination, but I still like to paint a picture they can see or at least give them something they can build on in their own minds. Your comments and review are greatly appreciated. :-).
Comment from Dean Kuch
The walker stood, John Wayne sized--a big raw-boned brute with a Clint Eastwood glare--looking meaner than Eli Van Cleef. Would have been a scary sight had he not broken into that huge smile when he spoke. ... Nice nod towards some of filmdom's most beloved actors in the Cowboy Western movie making industry, Ric ...
His target quivered and slumped back into the chair, dead. Blood spurted from the gaping hole just above the bridge of his nose, with the other five wounds in a clustered grouping encircling his solar plexus, undoubtedly hitting his heart or aorta. ... Yeah, and his lungs, his liver, his spleen, and several other vital organs as well, especially from that range, with what I'm guessing was a Colt .44 revolver ...
He sat down in the chair where the dead man had been sitting. Leaned back, ran a big, fat cigar around in his mouth until it was slimy wet and clamped down on it between his teeth in the corner of his mouth. Pulling his hat down over his eyes, and crossing his legs, his feet started to shake as he began to hum a melody. Then, he said aloud, "'Rest in peace' or 'rot in Hell' . . . makes no difference to me."
He hadn't a bit more gotten comfortable and the words out of his mouth, than someone from out of nowhere walked up and said, "So, what-do-ya-say there . . . partner?" ... You just can't get any peace and quiet when you really need it, can you, Ric?
Some people, huh? ...
Good writing.
~Dean
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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The walker stood, John Wayne sized--a big raw-boned brute with a Clint Eastwood glare--looking meaner than Eli Van Cleef. Would have been a scary sight had he not broken into that huge smile when he spoke. ... Nice nod towards some of filmdom's most beloved actors in the Cowboy Western movie making industry, Ric ...
His target quivered and slumped back into the chair, dead. Blood spurted from the gaping hole just above the bridge of his nose, with the other five wounds in a clustered grouping encircling his solar plexus, undoubtedly hitting his heart or aorta. ... Yeah, and his lungs, his liver, his spleen, and several other vital organs as well, especially from that range, with what I'm guessing was a Colt .44 revolver ...
He sat down in the chair where the dead man had been sitting. Leaned back, ran a big, fat cigar around in his mouth until it was slimy wet and clamped down on it between his teeth in the corner of his mouth. Pulling his hat down over his eyes, and crossing his legs, his feet started to shake as he began to hum a melody. Then, he said aloud, "'Rest in peace' or 'rot in Hell' . . . makes no difference to me."
He hadn't a bit more gotten comfortable and the words out of his mouth, than someone from out of nowhere walked up and said, "So, what-do-ya-say there . . . partner?" ... You just can't get any peace and quiet when you really need it, can you, Ric?
Some people, huh? ...
Good writing.
~Dean
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Dean, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. Trying to stay under 800 words, colt 44 will fit nicely. Thanks to you, again. :-)
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My pleasure, Ric.
~Dean :}
Comment from Word Junkie
Hi Ric,
This sounds like an episode of The Twilight Zone. It's written well, and needs only a few minor edits. Personally, I think the story could do without that last line.
Description in this writing is quite good. Dialogue is believable and aids with characterization. Pace is just right.
Not being a big fan of westerns, I don't know who Eli Van Cleef was, or is. John Wayne and Clint Eastwood are recognizable names, but those of the younger generation may not be familiar with Clint Eastwood westerns, so I wondered about using those characters as a descriptive tool.
You have a real gift for dialogue. That, in itself, made this a fascinating read.
Remember: This is one opinion--take or shake.
Well done, and write on,
Lana
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Hi Ric,
This sounds like an episode of The Twilight Zone. It's written well, and needs only a few minor edits. Personally, I think the story could do without that last line.
Description in this writing is quite good. Dialogue is believable and aids with characterization. Pace is just right.
Not being a big fan of westerns, I don't know who Eli Van Cleef was, or is. John Wayne and Clint Eastwood are recognizable names, but those of the younger generation may not be familiar with Clint Eastwood westerns, so I wondered about using those characters as a descriptive tool.
You have a real gift for dialogue. That, in itself, made this a fascinating read.
Remember: This is one opinion--take or shake.
Well done, and write on,
Lana
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Lana, my dear, I appreciate all suggestions, especially ones like yours that let me know what readers are thinking. The use of those old-time western actors, John Wayne, Clint Eastwood, and Eli Van Cleef were meant less as descriptive tools, as for just a way to pay homage to some of the best cowboy movie stars of the last fifty years. I'm sure a few will remember them, just as many won't. I hope maybe a couple people will look them up, and be glad they did. Thanks, again!
Comment from create4christ
This was a good - true western story...very descriptive and interesting. The only thing that bothered me...just kinda felt wrong for this story...us how you through in solar plexus and aorta (scientific names) after being all laid back in the rest of the story. Other than that, I thought this was really well done. Good picture choice, too.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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This was a good - true western story...very descriptive and interesting. The only thing that bothered me...just kinda felt wrong for this story...us how you through in solar plexus and aorta (scientific names) after being all laid back in the rest of the story. Other than that, I thought this was really well done. Good picture choice, too.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestion, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Yes, that line bothered me too, and I changed it around a couple of times, until two very fine writers reassured me that people were just as aware of those areas and vital organs back then. Those shots could have included hitting lungs, liver, spleen, and other vital organs too. Thanks for bringing to mind what readers might be thinking. I still might change that sentence yet. :-)
Comment from JBCaine
Ric-
Nice twist there at the end... Perhaps this is flashback fiction.
It's a pretty good story. No errors noted, given the dialect and all.
I know it's flash fiction and thus limited for word count, some improvement could be made scene description. As an example, rather than telling us the temperature is mid-to-high-nineties, you might show us, using the scene, Just a thought.
Well done.
JBCaine-
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Ric-
Nice twist there at the end... Perhaps this is flashback fiction.
It's a pretty good story. No errors noted, given the dialect and all.
I know it's flash fiction and thus limited for word count, some improvement could be made scene description. As an example, rather than telling us the temperature is mid-to-high-nineties, you might show us, using the scene, Just a thought.
Well done.
JBCaine-
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Yes, there is lots of description left out that could make this story much better. That is the biggest problem with trying to keep a piece under 800 words. Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestion, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)
Comment from DonandVicki
I think that you did a really good job with this Western flash fiction., It is well constructed and gives the reader a lot of wiggle room for imagination..
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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I think that you did a really good job with this Western flash fiction., It is well constructed and gives the reader a lot of wiggle room for imagination..
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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You couldn't have said anything that would have made me happier to hear than this piece gave readers wiggle room. I hope that every thing I ever write leaves things open so that readers can decide for themselves, kind of like the old time movies. My ending is intended to leave thing so open that they can repeat as a loop, over and over. Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, comments, and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)