His Voice
The sound of a voice can disturb to the core33 total reviews
Comment from Doc Holiday
Very eerie! The haunting that you describe within your poem is very vivid and descriptive. To hear this voice for the past sixty years has got to be enough to drive one a little loony. Well-done! Good luck!
  |
Very eerie! The haunting that you describe within your poem is very vivid and descriptive. To hear this voice for the past sixty years has got to be enough to drive one a little loony. Well-done! Good luck!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
Comment from Bobbi22
Very descriptive poem that expresses the fear and anxiety felt when his voice is heard. Great ending line for this. Very well written. Good luck in the contest.
|
Very descriptive poem that expresses the fear and anxiety felt when his voice is heard. Great ending line for this. Very well written. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
Comment from adewpearl
solid abcb rhyming
good use of enjambment to keep thought flowing from line to line
effective use of personification
vivid descriptive detail of setting
good assonance in soon they move
come with me, love - add comma for direct address
good alliteration in fear and fright
you create an eerie atmosphere extremely well with that voice
good consonance of N sounds in now not know another man
and that is one killer closing :-) Brooke
|
solid abcb rhyming
good use of enjambment to keep thought flowing from line to line
effective use of personification
vivid descriptive detail of setting
good assonance in soon they move
come with me, love - add comma for direct address
good alliteration in fear and fright
you create an eerie atmosphere extremely well with that voice
good consonance of N sounds in now not know another man
and that is one killer closing :-) Brooke
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
Comment from alf collier
Hi LoannaLois. A truly worth entry into this contest. I found your poem well written, with thoughts and emotions of menace hovering at each word. Loved it, alf
|
Hi LoannaLois. A truly worth entry into this contest. I found your poem well written, with thoughts and emotions of menace hovering at each word. Loved it, alf
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
Comment from artemis53
Very nice piece that builds to that breaking point of surrender. I would not change a thing because I like it's precision. May you have the best of luck in the contest.
|
Very nice piece that builds to that breaking point of surrender. I would not change a thing because I like it's precision. May you have the best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
Comment from Mark Valentine
Thought you were going somewhere else with this. I love it as a ghost story though. I just saw a production of "Phantom" - this has that kind of haunting quality. Not a ghost that wishes to do harm, but who does harm through unhealthy, twisted love. The first stanza has perfect lines "when night has claimed the day", "thunder's cry when lightning has its say"
Fantastic.
 |
Thought you were going somewhere else with this. I love it as a ghost story though. I just saw a production of "Phantom" - this has that kind of haunting quality. Not a ghost that wishes to do harm, but who does harm through unhealthy, twisted love. The first stanza has perfect lines "when night has claimed the day", "thunder's cry when lightning has its say"
Fantastic.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
Comment from Spitfire
A spooky build-up to the final line which works deliciously in spite of the fact it's a cliché. What a nightmare to hear death calling for sixty years!
|
A spooky build-up to the final line which works deliciously in spite of the fact it's a cliché. What a nightmare to hear death calling for sixty years!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
Comment from rstonerjr
Well this is a great ghost story for sure. I enjoyed the message of your work and the form in which the message is set. The rhyme and rhythm are smooth and easy to read. I suggest you move :o)
|
Well this is a great ghost story for sure. I enjoyed the message of your work and the form in which the message is set. The rhyme and rhythm are smooth and easy to read. I suggest you move :o)
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a chilling tale well told in poetic form.
There is an eerie tone to go with the good flow of the piece, making this very effective.
Nicely done.
|
Hi there,
This is a chilling tale well told in poetic form.
There is an eerie tone to go with the good flow of the piece, making this very effective.
Nicely done.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015
Comment from Donovan
This was ghostly. I think you have the structure down and certainly the horrors of a nightmare that doesn't go away. I wish you the best in the contest.
|
This was ghostly. I think you have the structure down and certainly the horrors of a nightmare that doesn't go away. I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2015