Sewn Into the Sky
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "A Midnight Mosaic "Collection of Free Style Poetry
29 total reviews
Comment from PoeticGenius18
the imagery in this poem is just amazing. I could picture it in my head as i read and almost feel it with each word. Your words flow wonderfully. Also i can definitely relate to what you talk about. Our generation definitely struggles and sometimes its hard to find our way or decide where to go.
reply by the author on 19-May-2013
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the imagery in this poem is just amazing. I could picture it in my head as i read and almost feel it with each word. Your words flow wonderfully. Also i can definitely relate to what you talk about. Our generation definitely struggles and sometimes its hard to find our way or decide where to go.
Comment Written 18-May-2013
reply by the author on 19-May-2013
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Thank you very kindly. I Love that you appreciate the flow of the piece. That is always one of the major pieces in my writing. I hear it inside my head. Often this can lead to tiny punctuation "errors" actually, but I need certain commas in certain places to catch that rhythm. Sometimes I trade one for the other I suppose. Again, I truly appreciate your comments. Thank you so much.
Comment from Fandoodle
Thanks for getting out there and sharing your work. You have many good descriptions but too many seems to interfere from what you are trying to convey to the reader. Is it about running or the sky?
reply by the author on 19-May-2013
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Thanks for getting out there and sharing your work. You have many good descriptions but too many seems to interfere from what you are trying to convey to the reader. Is it about running or the sky?
Comment Written 18-May-2013
reply by the author on 19-May-2013
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Thank you. It is actually about appreciating the present moment by "slowing down". This is in reference to the "rat race" in that regard. We chase goal after goal without appreciating any victory (any present moments). We don't ask questions or disobey what we are told to strive for. So it is about me looking to the sky to finally "ask" towards the end of the piece. The sky can be interpreted as you feel it shoud be to you personally. I don't like cluttered poetry so I can appreciate your comment. I am sorry if it came across that way. I very much appreciate your review though! Thank you so much for reading!
Comment from 9999pool
This is the story of a painting with His brush (the His is in caps meaning a higher power or Almighty, I presume).
The descriptive words are better than excellent and the words are weaved to give a very clear imagery and then the metaphors realigned themselves to give the full picture.
As you 'like' to describe in detailed the scenery, the word 'like' is used often in the first half of this story and then it went away which make the reading smoother - more professional and not starved of words to describe the details.
An excellent write and i do believe usually only female writers use this style or approach. Yours is quite immaculate and highly entertaining to read. Bravo!
Cheerio, regards, Ritchie.
reply by the author on 20-May-2013
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This is the story of a painting with His brush (the His is in caps meaning a higher power or Almighty, I presume).
The descriptive words are better than excellent and the words are weaved to give a very clear imagery and then the metaphors realigned themselves to give the full picture.
As you 'like' to describe in detailed the scenery, the word 'like' is used often in the first half of this story and then it went away which make the reading smoother - more professional and not starved of words to describe the details.
An excellent write and i do believe usually only female writers use this style or approach. Yours is quite immaculate and highly entertaining to read. Bravo!
Cheerio, regards, Ritchie.
Comment Written 17-May-2013
reply by the author on 20-May-2013
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I don't know how I didn't see this review. It is such a great and constructive review. Truly thank you. You are exactly right with it, as always.
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I tried to nominate this btw. It didn't allow it to. ?
Comment from NicciFaye
Very descriptive, illustrating of words captivated on this great poem. The abstract of images you created with this well penned poem. Excellent.
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Very descriptive, illustrating of words captivated on this great poem. The abstract of images you created with this well penned poem. Excellent.
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you very much
Comment from Ekim777
Your poem is refreshing because although you have a softness for abstracts you illustrate them a flourish of visual images and you don't lose touch with a necessary cadence. To my ears it often sounds surreal. I would like to take issue with your words of wisdom. The orientation towards the future which is really an open question, can be reversed to the present moment which is our first reality. It require supreme awareness which is our greatest strength.
-Ekim777
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Your poem is refreshing because although you have a softness for abstracts you illustrate them a flourish of visual images and you don't lose touch with a necessary cadence. To my ears it often sounds surreal. I would like to take issue with your words of wisdom. The orientation towards the future which is really an open question, can be reversed to the present moment which is our first reality. It require supreme awareness which is our greatest strength.
-Ekim777
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you! I really appreciate that. You are right on.
Comment from samandlancelot
Gregory,
Your writing leaves me breathless. What do I do with so many amazing, vivid images? Your poem, your mosaic, a collection of little pieces of a day, a race, a lifetime -- a masterpiece through the looking at one family through the artist's eyes. It's all fresh and wet, but tomorrow, when you can sit back and view without the tormenting realities of life in your capsule of a family, your memories will no longer be wet with tears, but dry with understanding. Tomorrow.
they pray for the promised applause to echo back against their deaf ears. (Even if they get the applause they seek, they won't hear it. What are they listening to that they miss what they sought? Do you judge yourself too harshly and not hear your own applause?)
I applaud you! I applaud you!
You may want to consider pursuing publishing with the "Sun" magazine. They are highly reputable and seem a good fit for your writings.
Patricia
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Gregory,
Your writing leaves me breathless. What do I do with so many amazing, vivid images? Your poem, your mosaic, a collection of little pieces of a day, a race, a lifetime -- a masterpiece through the looking at one family through the artist's eyes. It's all fresh and wet, but tomorrow, when you can sit back and view without the tormenting realities of life in your capsule of a family, your memories will no longer be wet with tears, but dry with understanding. Tomorrow.
they pray for the promised applause to echo back against their deaf ears. (Even if they get the applause they seek, they won't hear it. What are they listening to that they miss what they sought? Do you judge yourself too harshly and not hear your own applause?)
I applaud you! I applaud you!
You may want to consider pursuing publishing with the "Sun" magazine. They are highly reputable and seem a good fit for your writings.
Patricia
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you so much for reading!
Sprinting to clench the blue ribbon of tissue with sweat bathed palms, they pray for the promised applause to echo back against their deaf ears.
In essence, the blue ribbon, the finish line, goal, trophy, etc. is nothing. It turns into nothing. Like a ribbon of tissue getting wet (sweat from the "race"). It just falls apart. This "trophy" that our parents set, our peers set, society set for us is reaching the end of school, the beginning of a career, a promotion, buying a house, etc. We are taught to run this predetermined race to arrive at each goal, each goal meaning nothing. "Blind eagerness to arrive again to nowhere". Basically, we are running to meet expectations set forth for us without asking questions, without even appreciating the present moment. We are just racing to reach the next "finish line". The applause would be from our parents, peers, society, but it never comes. Even if it did though, we are running too fast, unaware of anything that we wouldn't hear them anyway, "deaf ears". I'm not sure if I explained that correctly or if that makes any sense. It's a bit hard to explain. There are many interpretations of it I have come to find though through the readers of this piece, each one correct. It is up to the reader. Thank you so very much again for reading!
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Gregory,
That's what is so wonderful in your writing -- you paint such vivid and unique imagery that every reader can interpret as needed and your poem touches many lives as it grows from the meaning you intended.
Patricia
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Hi again,
I was curious. I am so grateful that you gave me the advice on The Sun. I'd love to get my entire collection of the stories on my youth published but maybe that will not happen or perhaps they are not strong enough. I'm not sure. Which piece would you recommend that I submit, if you don't mind me asking. Also, do you know of any other places I might submit to? Thank you so very much.
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Gregory,
I think it would be good if you check out their website and order a sample copy of their magazine. Once you familiarize yourself with what they publish, I think you will have a better idea of what to submit.
But, only God knows the answer to your question, so you may want to start with Him. Ask Him about my advice. See what He wants you to do.
Patricia
Comment from canmartin
Phenomenal writing... Very descriptive. Leaving the reader feeling as if they are a part of the story... feeling the emotions, the ebbs & flows. Amazing. Post more please!!
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Phenomenal writing... Very descriptive. Leaving the reader feeling as if they are a part of the story... feeling the emotions, the ebbs & flows. Amazing. Post more please!!
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you. That is a great compliment. Very appreciated!
Comment from Liberty Justice
An author tells of his feelings about life, rather tastefully describing the setting, and naturalistic elements and illustrious scenes around him. Paints a picture of the world as he sees it.
Liberty Justice
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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An author tells of his feelings about life, rather tastefully describing the setting, and naturalistic elements and illustrious scenes around him. Paints a picture of the world as he sees it.
Liberty Justice
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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Thank you very much. That was my goal. Each word is very deliberately placed. I truly appreciate your feedback.
Comment from Clipper962
This is a profound poem, about the madness of life
You express so well in your poem. It would be nice to push a
Delay button get a break, from the fast pace of life.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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This is a profound poem, about the madness of life
You express so well in your poem. It would be nice to push a
Delay button get a break, from the fast pace of life.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-May-2013
reply by the author on 15-May-2013
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You are totally right. I agree. Thank you so much for reading.