Comment from marijmd

Excellent

Its like the diary of Anne Frank meets the end of the world. Yeah having to eat my Dad would really suck - not a good memory to keep a girl going. Nice job - good suspense - good retelling through the characters eyes.

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013

Thanks so much for such a wonderful review, maijmd. I appreciate you taing the time to read and review this for me.

Comment from Capricorn61

Excellent

You made a nuclear winter sound so realistic, I can only wish that if that scenario ever happened that I would be dead in the first couple of minutes. Fascinating reading though.

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013

I agree, Cap. I would pray that my demise would come switly, as well. But, it' is ingrained in our nature to be survivors. Thanks so much for the fine review!

Comment from headingley

Exceptional

Its hard to know exactly where to start. I feel humbled being in the position to even offer a rating and give a review but here goes.

I love how the start is so filled with events of everyday life experiences. Although, them themselves are not really dramatic events, they really pave the way for the mass of dramatic events which the reader anticipates will follow. I so love the journal format too. I've written in the first person myself before now and it really opens up the door to portray thoughts as well as actual speech. As you go on reading it is obvious why you chose this style.

The stand out thing is the use of rhetorical questions/self talk that goes on. You had me hooked with how it changes in style and it is made so evident of the hope drifts away, along with the sanity. You make reference as to how surprised she is that she has remained as sane as she does. You sense that will. Yet as time elapses, you also sense she is losing that battle. Accompany this with the little victories she takes solace in and the goals she sets become so short term and you just have the complete piece.

I could go on for ever reviewing this as I love these type of disaster scenarios, but I don't feel my reviewing efforts would do it justice. Just do me the honor of letting me be a fan of your work hoping that one day I can write something as awe-inspiring as this. I would love to see this turned into a program as I felt like I was actually watching it unfold rather than reading it. Bravo

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013

Thank you very much, headingley, for such an indepth review. I have to commend you for spending so much time and effort to lay out your feelings, and what you took away from this story. Yo a writer, there is no better compliment than to know your wrriting has entertained, shocked, inspired or terrified (in my case) someone. It is for people like yourself, who display such enthusiasm and appreciation for my work that keeps me doing what I do. I would be humbled, and honored, to have a fan like you any day of the week! Thanks so much, again...for everything.

Comment from Gert sherwood

Excellent

A virtual six for you Dean.

A horror story plus, just to think of how it ccould be like if we ever had Nuclear winter .

You have a very good imagation of how a human being would react especially when I noticed how the days and the dates seemed odd. And how this girl was slowly going crazy..

Gert

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013

Thanks so much, Gert, you are very perceptive. Can I tell you how many times I've been told that I've spelled some dates wrong? You don't wanna' know, lol.

Thanks so much again for a wonderful review.

reply by Gert sherwood on 28-Jun-2013

Smiles Dean and you are welcome
Gert

Comment from Auroraboreal800

Excellent

This is the MOST REALISTIC and SCARY written I've ever read. The sound pump my heart real hard. This is very well written and very entertaining as well. You had me holding my breath until the very end.
Best wishes in the contest. You're my No. 1!
:)

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013

Thanks very much, Auroraborea800. I am glad that you enjoy my
'3-D Virtual' stories. That's my name for them. They are meant to draw you in and make you feel as if you are IN the story, not just reading it.

I'm happy to know that you like my style! thanks again for your wonderful review...

Comment from J. Dark

Excellent

Ignore the rating, Dean. This is a six star piece and should be a competition winner! I spotted a few minor typos through the piece, which I will point out for you and then I will explain what was so special and spellbinding about this writing.

I'll get the minor typos out the way first:

- In red font you had EMERGENCY BROADCATING SYSTEM - Was not sure if this should have read broadca(s)ting.

On the Sept 3 journal entry, para 3, second line after "crapped out. can't" you need a capital for can't.

I thought you had a spelling error on Sept 6, Tusesday but realise this was spelt incorrectly for effect as I read on (nice touch actually).

In the September nineth 2166 entry - you refer to ma(g)estic topiary - should be ma(j)estic topiary (unless that is an American spelling).

This is superb story writing, Dean, and I was very impressed. Your 3rd paragraph was superb for setting the intelligence, integrity and family values of the main character.

Your 6th paragraph was wonderfully bleak and gives a feel for what is to come.

Loved the old ladies flowered butt simile - it added a nice touch of humour.

I found the fact the writer was a female an intriguing fact I was not expecting.

The way you described the original death of the dad and the death of Blitz was absolutely stunning and made for compelling horror reading.

Love the way you start to introduce smells with the Bologna and gasoline comment. It truly helps to build a third dimension to the scene by bringing the sense of smell in.

It was clever the way you changed the font and tone at the end which gave a brilliant hint to the madness that was creeping in.

This is an exceptional piece of work, Dean, and has a perfect zombie feel without sounding as if we have heard it all before. The tension you build is terrific and you are an extraordinarily talented horror writer. As you know, I read a lot of horror. You also have exceptional technical abilities in the way you style your work. I am starting to suspect you are in a league of your own.

As I say, I will be amazed if this is not the competition winner.

I am overloaded with messages in my inbox, but if there is something in particular you would like me to comprehensively review for you, please do not hesitate to send me a message. I am always extremely happy to give a fine tooth-combing review to work of such high standard.

Wishing you luck with this fantastic piece, buddy.

Kindest of regards,

Julie :0)

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013

Wow, ask and ye shall receive, huh? I guess that's really true!

What an outstanding review, from pointing out those pesky typos, to your in depth analysis on the story itself, Julie. You really explain why something does, or does not, work for you in a story, and that's why I value and appreciate your view point as much as I do. I don't believe you're simply blowing smoke up my anus, as some have suggested to me that all of these 'fluffy' reviews are really doing. I believe whole heartedly that if you felt it sucked, you would have no problems in letting me know. But, more importantly, you would tell me WHY you felt it sucked, not simply trash it.

thanks again, my friend. You're one of a kind...

reply by J. Dark on 28-Jun-2013

Ha - I actually enjoying reviewing and feel there is no point unless I can be honest. I have a technique for putting anything negative in brackets with lots of smiley faces to soften the blow! It's probably not a technique you will get to see with your high standard of work, Dean!

Don't forget to message me if there is anything else you specifically would like me to take a peak at.

Sending love to you and your beautiful family.

Julie :0)

Comment from lilithb12

Excellent

This is an awesome zombie story. I love zombie stories. You are very creative. I like everything about this and how there is some humor in it as well. I can't find any issues with your writing. Great work here! Look forward to reading more of your work in the future.

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2013

Thank you very much, lilithb12. I will be sure to return the favor and check out some of your as well. Thanks so much again...

Comment from N.K. Wagner

Excellent

A well written story in journal form. Kept my attention even though I thought the zombie thing was a little far out. Only one niggle to look at:
their grandparents waste away - wasting

Well done. :) nancy

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013

Thank you Nancy. I appreciate you pointing out the little spelling snafu for me. Nowhere in this story do I say the one's outdoors are zombies, though. Brain-fried, screaming lunatics, maybe. But zombies? Nope, don't recall mentioning that...

reply by N.K. Wagner on 27-Jun-2013

Yeah, you're right. That's just what it brought to mind, Dean. I guess we have to decide if this is fiction or fantasy. After all, brain-fried isn't a symptom of radiation sickness. And if this was nuclear-induced, NOTHING electrical would work. There's that magnetic pulse thing... Not that THAT ever bothered movie producers. :D Nancy

You can create any scenario you want, but you have to be consistent within your "reality".

reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013

Hmmm, that's funny. When I did my research on this, the US Army seems to believe that TV and radio will still work, briefly, up to a certain distance from ground zero.


US Army Pdf office. Doc. File

If a nuclear blast occurs with no warning or too little time to get out of the areaâ??
â?? Take cover (â??shelter-in-placeâ??) immediately as far below ground as possible. Any protection
is better than none at all. The more distance from the detonation, the more intervening
shielding and the less time spent in radioactive areas, the better.
â?? Take your emergency supply kit, if possible.
â?? To keep out radioactive dust, close doors, windows and vents and turn off ventilation systems.
â?? Stay put and use radio, TV or the Internet to get official information and instructions.
â?¢ If you are caught outside by a nuclear blastâ??
â?? The time it takes the heat and shock waves to arrive depends on your distance from the
detonation. Take cover behind anything that might offer protection from the blast, lie flat on
the ground with your head pointing toward the blast and cover your head and hands. Use
any available cloth as a breathing filter.
â?? Donâ??t look at the flash or fireballâ??they can blind you.
â?? No matter how far you are from the blast site, take shelter from fallout as soon as you can,
upwind if possible. Before entering shelter, dust off, keeping your mouth and nose covered.
As soon as possible, shed contaminated clothing and wash your hair and skin.

US Army Nuclear Disaster Doc. File

reply by N.K. Wagner on 27-Jun-2013

And the US government is going to evacuate all US military dependents from Europe if the Russians cross the German border (of course, the first order of business on the Russian side is to bomb all airfields to prevent resupply).
source: personal experience 1977-81, supplemented by the experiences of other military spouses 1950 to present - the dependent briefings haven't changed, and they still produce the same laughter - we all pity the poor lieutenant who has to present it, but we do have fun with them, asking questions they can't answer without telling the truth, which is: we and our children were /are all considered "acceptable losses." We were even told to keep an updated inventory of all our possessions so we could be reimbursed back in the States. (Tear-producing laughter.) :D I mention this only to give a real-world example of the idiocy the government/military expects people - educated, involved people - to believe.

The document you cite is to keep potential victims and immediate survivors "calm" by giving them something to do. Unless they are decontaminated immediately, protected from further contamination and given chelation therapy, they will die - long before they will starve to death.

The reality is any electronic components (including battery-powered) operating (or plugged in but turned off) at the time of a nuclear explosion within a given radius will be fried. Permanently. New electronics (or those not plugged in or operating during the pulse) will work after the pulse dies down. Emergency generators will work afterward. Broadcast equipment? Not if it was in any way powered during the pulse. That means it requires survivors to set it up, which means human broadcasting would resume on some level. Broadcasting outside the pulse radius would never have gone off the air.

A single nuclear explosion will not create a nuclear winter. That means that multiple explosions would have to occur - which means that multiple magnetic pulse sources would occur. Each has its own radius. Also, keep in mind that high altitude airbursts create the "best" electronic pulses. High altitude airbursts don't create significant "fallout".

Each "ground" burst, close enough to the ground to pull debris into the air, would be a source of radioactive fallout. The debris falls to earth, contaminating everything it touches. Including animals, plants and surface water. This process is directed by wind and increased by rain, both of which determine the affected area.

Radiation sickness doesn't turn one into a brain-fried maniac - ask anyone who's endured radiation therapy, or read about the survivors of Hiroshima. It burns you inside and out and makes you weak and nauseated - not violent, not crazy.

To avoid breathing radioactive dust, you must be in an airtight environment. How quickly can a person under stress use up the oxygen in an airtight house - if one existed before the fallout began?

Outside the blast/fallout areas health would be unaffected. An attack large enough to disburse enough fallout to produce a nuclear winter (which cannot be regional) would be self-defeating for the attacker - he'd be committing suicide by starvation/oxygen deprivation.

Your story is fantasy, Dean. Well written and entertaining, but definitely fantasy. :D Nancy

reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013

But...isn't it a possibility? That's all I'm asking readers to consider. Because, if our nation continues on with the current policies they have in place now, we all may get an opportunity to find out. We have nukes that can fit into suitcase sized containers now. terrorist groups that would like nothing better than to see all Americans burn. I mean, look at our world today. Iran is close to producing long range ICBM's, North Korea issues new threats daily. Of course my story is fantasy, that's why it says 'FICTION' in big, bold letters up there on the right. However, it is fantasy based speculative facts, not just some whim I pulled out of the air. I always do my research so I can make a plausible story. Do I mention if my protagonist is 50 miles away, or 500 miles away? How do you get to make that determination. Are you a nuclear physicist. I'm not, but I was in the military, and I know enough to realize that not all radio waves (especially tube type radios and HAM radios) and television, such as cable, will be fried immediately. Don't you yourself have any 'fantasy' stories?
We all can claim to be experts. I am not. I write purely for the reader to enjoy it and be entertained. Have you seen Book of Eli? How long after the bombs hit is it set? I leave things up to the reader's discretion (within reason), nothing more, nothing less. You can knit-pick the Bible to death. It doesn't make it wrong.

reply by N.K. Wagner on 27-Jun-2013

While I've had a couple of semesters of college physics, I'm a biologist not a nuclear physicist. As such, I'm perfectly capable of understanding the practical ramifications of nuclear attack from "suitcase nukes" to tactical nukes to the big stuff. (And nuclear fission isn't all that difficult to understand, anyway - it's simple mechanics. What the released energy (radiation)does to living things is the complex part.)

My discussion point is simply that you have to stay accurate when you're using real world devices in speculative fiction, and you have to make it clear when you're veering off into fantasy. Just as fire doesn't cause frostbite, nuclear war isn't going to create the pale-eyed deviant mobs from Charlton Heston's Omega Man. If you want to invent a biological agent-containing bomb that does that, great. But you have to give the reader a couple of sentences telling them about it so it sounds believable.

That said, I very much enjoyed your story and appreciate your technical skill. :) nancy

reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013

I agree with your point 110% Nancy, I really do. Who wants to read a story about mountain men, then hear that King Arthur has just rode into camp? Well, maybe I should rephrase that, lol...

reply by N.K. Wagner on 27-Jun-2013

Well, Dean, if you prepare the way just right, it could be one heck of a fun story. :D Nancy

reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013

Thanks, Nancy, I do always try and do my best...

Comment from DSchlosser

Excellent

I love post-apocalyptic stories. This was a great one to read. This one reminded me of the old movie 'Last Man on Earth' with Vincent Price, but you added a lot more to the story with the cold and more of the violence with the zombies of today's age. So, I guess it was like a mixture of 'The Day After Tomorrow' meets 'I am Legend.'

Argh! The misspellings drove me nuts, but I know you did them on purpose for the progression of time and how bad things were breaking down.

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013

Thanks D, I appreciate you checking this one out for me. And, you're right also, I did those misspellings to highlight the deterioration of her mental state for the reader, plus frustrate the purists who can't stand to see the word 'if' misspelled. Adds more tension that way, I think ;)

Comment from Vampires kiss

Exceptional

I love this story, the sound effects added to it and creeped me out big time!! Oh dear what a scary situation that poor kid is stuck in, and it is worse that she is alone during it!! Great story I wouldn't change a thing! Keep up the terrific work!

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2013

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2013

Thanks, Vamp, for such an enthusiastic review of this story. It's for people exactly like you that I keep on doin' what I do!

'Thanks again.

reply by Vampires kiss on 27-Jun-2013

Hey i speak the truth, you sir are a truelly gifted writter!!