Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Yatiza Moon"Murder Mystery
52 total reviews
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Holy crap I'm reading this at night and its pitch black.
What an exceptional write Bev, you had me glued to the screen reading. Looks like the building blocks are coming down....the foundation of Flaherty crumbles even now.
Exceptional work and I got through it without reaching for a pillow:D
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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Holy crap I'm reading this at night and its pitch black.
What an exceptional write Bev, you had me glued to the screen reading. Looks like the building blocks are coming down....the foundation of Flaherty crumbles even now.
Exceptional work and I got through it without reaching for a pillow:D
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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Maureen, I am really honored by your generous review and, even more, your words of support. How kind and supportive you are. I really appreciate how you help me feel I can do this! Love, as always. Bev
Comment from fictionwriter
oh, and the plot thickens. I loved this chapter, there were so many revelations, and yet we still wonder what will happen next. Great job with this one.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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oh, and the plot thickens. I loved this chapter, there were so many revelations, and yet we still wonder what will happen next. Great job with this one.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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Thanks so much for your great review. I appreciate your insights and support! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from David Bates
This is a timely story that could have been easily ripped from today's headlines given the Sandusky scandal at Penn State, not to mention the continuously ongoing incidents in the Catholic Church. I thought the dialogue was very natural. The characters were well done and quite believable. The story flowed along quite nicely and held my interest throughout. It had me ready to read more so as to see what happened next. Good job. I'll be looking for another installment.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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This is a timely story that could have been easily ripped from today's headlines given the Sandusky scandal at Penn State, not to mention the continuously ongoing incidents in the Catholic Church. I thought the dialogue was very natural. The characters were well done and quite believable. The story flowed along quite nicely and held my interest throughout. It had me ready to read more so as to see what happened next. Good job. I'll be looking for another installment.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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Hi, David. Thanks so much for the wonderful review! I really appreciate you taking time out to read the story.
My story is based on an actual case of a priest being transferred to a small town in Minnesota even after his pedophilia was known by his Bishop. The man did go to prison where he died shortly thereafter.
Thanks again!
Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Asyraf N. Jamsari
A very well written story. I really like the way you developed the idea. Good anticipation and well drafted story line. Nice vocabulary too. Keep up the good work
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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A very well written story. I really like the way you developed the idea. Good anticipation and well drafted story line. Nice vocabulary too. Keep up the good work
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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Thank you for taking time to read my chapter AJ. I really appreciate your supportive and generous review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from ocruickshank
I have to say this is one of the best chapters I've read to date on fanstory.
1.I love the font size and style. It made reading the story much easier. I generally skip chapter reviews because the words are tiny, weird symbols appear, and/or font style makes reading hard.
2.The flow, structure, and emotion of the story was great.
3.The chapter is written well enough to be a stand alone or formatted to become a short story just by incorporating the short blurb at the top.
My only question is ; How did Father Brian know that the threat came from someone from within the Sioux Reservation versus any other tribe?
My only adjustment would be "once they were settled" versus "When they were settled" for flow reasons...Interview
I enjoyed this chapter and really got a feel for the characters and their individual personality e.g. Detective Burke being health conscience, committed to her work ( working through lunch), etc....
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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I have to say this is one of the best chapters I've read to date on fanstory.
1.I love the font size and style. It made reading the story much easier. I generally skip chapter reviews because the words are tiny, weird symbols appear, and/or font style makes reading hard.
2.The flow, structure, and emotion of the story was great.
3.The chapter is written well enough to be a stand alone or formatted to become a short story just by incorporating the short blurb at the top.
My only question is ; How did Father Brian know that the threat came from someone from within the Sioux Reservation versus any other tribe?
My only adjustment would be "once they were settled" versus "When they were settled" for flow reasons...Interview
I enjoyed this chapter and really got a feel for the characters and their individual personality e.g. Detective Burke being health conscience, committed to her work ( working through lunch), etc....
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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You make a good point, ocruickshank. I've had the Sioux medicine man, Tony Buday - Jana's uncle, in previous chapters. The Sioux reservation borders the small town of this story. But I will look again to see if I can it more clear.
Thank you for your other suggestion as well - it's a good one.
I always so enjoy hearing from reviewers who are careful to read the story and offer helpful insights. The support and generosity are much appreciated! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Mind of the Shephard
I like this it is well written, suspense with a little humor nice combination in any novel. I have not read any of the previous chapter but this one is great. Good work I see it has a recognized ribbon.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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I like this it is well written, suspense with a little humor nice combination in any novel. I have not read any of the previous chapter but this one is great. Good work I see it has a recognized ribbon.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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Thank you so much, MoS. I really appreciate your generous and supportive review. Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Adele Symonds
I really enjoyed this chapter. There is intrigue and suspense with a good plot. The dialogue is good and seems true to the character's which are also well drawn. I wish I had read the preceeding chapters.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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I really enjoyed this chapter. There is intrigue and suspense with a good plot. The dialogue is good and seems true to the character's which are also well drawn. I wish I had read the preceeding chapters.
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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Thank you much, Adele. I sure appreciate you taking time to read my chapter. I am happy you enjoyed it, and thankful for your generous review! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow, wonderful chapter, Bev! Once again I'm wishing I had a six for this - sheesh! I'll check back on Sunday. I can't believe this poor woman has kept this secret all along. It must have been very hard on her. (Do you see how involved I am? I'm supposed to be telling you about plot development, pacing and all that - but its perfect, what can I say? LOL)Nothing at all to change that I see. Exceptional!
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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Wow, wonderful chapter, Bev! Once again I'm wishing I had a six for this - sheesh! I'll check back on Sunday. I can't believe this poor woman has kept this secret all along. It must have been very hard on her. (Do you see how involved I am? I'm supposed to be telling you about plot development, pacing and all that - but its perfect, what can I say? LOL)Nothing at all to change that I see. Exceptional!
Comment Written 16-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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Dawn, thanks so much. I appreciate your wonderfully generous review and wish for a six! You're always supportive and that means so very much to me -- more than an extra star ever could. Hugs, Bev
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Yeah, well, I forgot again! I feel bad, Sorry, cause I'm sure 30 days is up.
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You're so awesome! Love ya, buddy
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Aww, shucks. :)You are so welcome!
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Another great write, just one thing about mid-page you repeated a phrase, "Mrs. Findley's eyes were glassy...."
But other than that, I'm just so curious to see what happens. Great job as always.
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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Another great write, just one thing about mid-page you repeated a phrase, "Mrs. Findley's eyes were glassy...."
But other than that, I'm just so curious to see what happens. Great job as always.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 16-Nov-2012
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Rox, thank you so much for catching. I'd made an edit to that section and forgot to erase. I sure appreciate all your kind words and support. Hugs, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
Mrs. Findley had surprising news. Now, Jana's tribe or uncle is linked to this.
I really noticed that I could visualize the police station's rooms. And Jana's possessiveness of her peanut butter hit a note with me as well. It did establish her as protective of her territory. Then you carried that on to the end where she asked that the info about the Indian confronting Flaherty be kept confidential until she goes to the reservation and talks with her uncle.
Your dialogue runs smoothly and is paced well.
I applaud you for letting a nervous Mrs. Findley go to the bathroom. I wonder that other writer's characters never have to pee. LOL
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Mrs. Findley had surprising news. Now, Jana's tribe or uncle is linked to this.
I really noticed that I could visualize the police station's rooms. And Jana's possessiveness of her peanut butter hit a note with me as well. It did establish her as protective of her territory. Then you carried that on to the end where she asked that the info about the Indian confronting Flaherty be kept confidential until she goes to the reservation and talks with her uncle.
Your dialogue runs smoothly and is paced well.
I applaud you for letting a nervous Mrs. Findley go to the bathroom. I wonder that other writer's characters never have to pee. LOL
Comment Written 15-Nov-2012
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2012
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Thanks so much, Ellen. I am pushing my readers a bit with these close postings. So, I really appreciate you reading and reviewing so generously. Thanks for letting me know what you felt worked in the chapter. I appreciate the support. Xx Bev
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I'm only reading you and four others since I'm doing the Nano thing.:)
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Then I'm especially honored! Xxx Bev