Her secret
a short story about love for sale53 total reviews
Comment from samuelbrody
Hello... Nicely done. A very strong character, indeed. Your narrative is marvelous. Splendid in its detail, colorful in its setting. Your character's thoughts have a haunting nuance to them, however, come forth as genuine and defining. I like your story. Good luck. Brody
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Hello... Nicely done. A very strong character, indeed. Your narrative is marvelous. Splendid in its detail, colorful in its setting. Your character's thoughts have a haunting nuance to them, however, come forth as genuine and defining. I like your story. Good luck. Brody
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Thank you so much :)
Comment from Joan E.
Your task was to "connect the character to the reader" and you did so with gusto! You write very poetically with abundant metaphors: "stain, jewels, cypresses, sand, battlefields, doll, wings," and similes like "snakes" and "trophies." My favorite phrases were "words...expire" and "colors falling from the sky, painting..." and "soft bones that had been dead for years." I did not get the full reference until half way through with your foreshadowing/clue about the "client." Thank you for sharing your talent with us.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Your task was to "connect the character to the reader" and you did so with gusto! You write very poetically with abundant metaphors: "stain, jewels, cypresses, sand, battlefields, doll, wings," and similes like "snakes" and "trophies." My favorite phrases were "words...expire" and "colors falling from the sky, painting..." and "soft bones that had been dead for years." I did not get the full reference until half way through with your foreshadowing/clue about the "client." Thank you for sharing your talent with us.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Joan, thank you so much for your wonderful words...
I am delighted you liked my story. It's all a writer can ask for...
Comment from Aislinge
Well done. Very powerful language used here, good for creating a deep, intense atmosphere. Nicely abstract, yet tangible with the descriptions used. I'm not sure I like the style, but there is no doubt this is powerful prose. The only thing I had to really stop and think about was the wings/hands image; I'm not sure I quite understand that, but this is a literary piece, almost like abstract artwork in words.
Thank you for a great read. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Well done. Very powerful language used here, good for creating a deep, intense atmosphere. Nicely abstract, yet tangible with the descriptions used. I'm not sure I like the style, but there is no doubt this is powerful prose. The only thing I had to really stop and think about was the wings/hands image; I'm not sure I quite understand that, but this is a literary piece, almost like abstract artwork in words.
Thank you for a great read. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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thank you so much for your wonderful words...The wings allusion had to do with the fact that she thought God thought and cared more for a moth. Also, in her own way she has an angelic persona...
I am delighted you liked my story. It's all a writer can ask for...
Comment from Brendajay
Great work on creating a character with deep emotions. Though she has been terribly abused by what feels like her own choices, she has an understanding of her true self. You did a great job in showing this woman's plight. Good ending - bringing the story to a close. I had a little trouble with the paragraph that began with, Mostly, men's words are empty... Overall, great character building.
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Great work on creating a character with deep emotions. Though she has been terribly abused by what feels like her own choices, she has an understanding of her true self. You did a great job in showing this woman's plight. Good ending - bringing the story to a close. I had a little trouble with the paragraph that began with, Mostly, men's words are empty... Overall, great character building.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Thank you so much for your generous review and grading. I am delighted you liked my fiction :)
Comment from Brindle.T
She is a very sad mixed up woman...And this is very well written.
Commendable writing.
I see no revisions to offer and award five stars
Good luck with the competition
Tony
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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She is a very sad mixed up woman...And this is very well written.
Commendable writing.
I see no revisions to offer and award five stars
Good luck with the competition
Tony
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Thank you so much for your generous review and grading. I am delighted you liked my fiction :)
Comment from despiser
Hi apelle
Gee, you make it sound so blase. i'm impressed with your descriptive text - it almost reads as a poem.
btw, consider yourself fortunate - i too, am a jack of all trades but master of none, except i'm labelled as stupid lol (but at least not by those who matter).
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Hi apelle
Gee, you make it sound so blase. i'm impressed with your descriptive text - it almost reads as a poem.
btw, consider yourself fortunate - i too, am a jack of all trades but master of none, except i'm labelled as stupid lol (but at least not by those who matter).
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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despiser...thanks , writing is relative, or rather has a relative impact on folks and i mostly write , as selfish as that sounds for myself. if somebody else connects...then i am delighted
Comment from MariaMarsden
Appelle, This moved me to tears (but in a cathartic way), I am rarely moved to tears, even by some of the best selling authors. Your writing style is outstading, poetic, emotive. You speak from deep inside this character with empathy to undescribable feelings that most of the world fails to understand. A true joy to read and review :) Maria
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Appelle, This moved me to tears (but in a cathartic way), I am rarely moved to tears, even by some of the best selling authors. Your writing style is outstading, poetic, emotive. You speak from deep inside this character with empathy to undescribable feelings that most of the world fails to understand. A true joy to read and review :) Maria
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Maria, now you moved me to tears with your words... I am touched and honored that my writing had an impact on you...It's the greatest gift a writer can ask for :)
Comment from adewpearl
How haunting is this look inside the despairing thoughts of a prostitute who applies the mask of cosmetic beauty on her face and makes the pretense of enjoying the sexual act of men who are invading her body and killing her soul. You convey the deep despair of this woman's wounded spirit so well - this is beautifully written. Brooke
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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How haunting is this look inside the despairing thoughts of a prostitute who applies the mask of cosmetic beauty on her face and makes the pretense of enjoying the sexual act of men who are invading her body and killing her soul. You convey the deep despair of this woman's wounded spirit so well - this is beautifully written. Brooke
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Thank you so much Brooke..
Comment from Fleedleflump
The dream-like style you've written this in made it feel more like a long-form poem than a story; that's not a criticism, just an observation. I enjoyed the read, but I think it's a little too obscure in places, more a cerebral exploration of thoughts than a story. Again, not a criticism; I found it fascinating :-)
Mike
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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The dream-like style you've written this in made it feel more like a long-form poem than a story; that's not a criticism, just an observation. I enjoyed the read, but I think it's a little too obscure in places, more a cerebral exploration of thoughts than a story. Again, not a criticism; I found it fascinating :-)
Mike
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Mike,
Thanks so much for reading and giving your opinion.
It is true, my writing style taps into the obscure....That'a just the way it comes out of me...
Comment from medicnate
This is compelling a very unique insight into the female psyche. The character in the picture almost jumps out at you as each line unfolds the truth behind the eyes. This is really good prose, nice work. Be sure to let us know when your book comes out, so we can go buy it.
~medicnate~
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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This is compelling a very unique insight into the female psyche. The character in the picture almost jumps out at you as each line unfolds the truth behind the eyes. This is really good prose, nice work. Be sure to let us know when your book comes out, so we can go buy it.
~medicnate~
Comment Written 09-Sep-2009
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2009
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Medicnate,
Thank you so much for your wonderful review and for your interest in my books. My first book, Ghost stories and other echoes is out and available for sale on Amazon and all the alike sites ...I am currently working on my second colection..
Best wishes
Adina