The Devil Fights Back
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "The Devil Fights Back - Ch. 1"Challenges in the pharmaceutical field
22 total reviews
Comment from Tom Horonzy
The characters named have changed and yet I feel familiar with the actors and the premise of the story. Good luck in the journey. Tom H
jidbauibfubadsofsnund
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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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The characters named have changed and yet I feel familiar with the actors and the premise of the story. Good luck in the journey. Tom H
jidbauibfubadsofsnund
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Comment Written 05-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Perhaps Dana has changed a little, but not Fran. Fran was married in Duel with the Devil and became Fran Pekarsky. Dana was in Some Call It Luck and Saving Mr. Calvin. She's the one who was Abby's nemesis and stole the golf suit. You'll see a different side of Dana in this one. Abby will also make an appearance later on.
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I thought it familiar to the last one finished where the violinist and the lab geek do the two step.
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Yes, indeedy. This one is a sequel to that and picks up where it left off.
Comment from Sallyo
A couple of nits... one IS a nit and the other is probably just a suggestion.
it's source?"
its source?"
What do you know about a new painkiller that's been discovered called Glyptophan?
MAYBE SHOULD BE What do you know about a new painkiller that's been discovered? It's called Glyptophan.
OR
What do you know about a new painkiller called Glyptophan that's been discovered?
Now that's out of the way... starting out well. It caught and held my attention and the first person narration let you release info without info-dumping.
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reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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A couple of nits... one IS a nit and the other is probably just a suggestion.
it's source?"
its source?"
What do you know about a new painkiller that's been discovered called Glyptophan?
MAYBE SHOULD BE What do you know about a new painkiller that's been discovered? It's called Glyptophan.
OR
What do you know about a new painkiller called Glyptophan that's been discovered?
Now that's out of the way... starting out well. It caught and held my attention and the first person narration let you release info without info-dumping.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Hi, Sally. Nice catch with the it's/its. The other one I think I will leave in since it's dialogue, and people don't always speak perfectly grammatically.
That's a great comment about info-dumping. That's one of the reasons I like to write my stories in first person--because you can interject personal thoughts among the narrative parts, and it doesn't seem so much like you're info-dumping.
It can be a challenge not to info-dump when you've got background information you have to get out there to develop context. But it doesn't have to all be done at once, and it's often more interesting for at least part of the information to get out there through dialogue. There will be examples of that in my next chapter.
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing Chapter 1.