The Black Orchid
When you're out of balance...32 total reviews
Comment from strandregs
Good story.
A winner in it's own right.
I like the way you wrote it, psychology, feelings, aspirations, love, disregard for life.
In my mind it echoes the happenings of 7 October.
When I was 11 I read a book called the black orchid.
:-))Z.
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Good story.
A winner in it's own right.
I like the way you wrote it, psychology, feelings, aspirations, love, disregard for life.
In my mind it echoes the happenings of 7 October.
When I was 11 I read a book called the black orchid.
:-))Z.
Comment Written 22-Oct-2023
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is a creepy, scary, bloody story that seems most appropriate as we near Halloween. It is well-written and not easily forgettable. I am writing to wish you well and for a speedy recovery because I believe you will be well. No need to rush to your beloved wife as she will be there for you for all eternity.
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This is a creepy, scary, bloody story that seems most appropriate as we near Halloween. It is well-written and not easily forgettable. I am writing to wish you well and for a speedy recovery because I believe you will be well. No need to rush to your beloved wife as she will be there for you for all eternity.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
Comment from Thesis
A very good entry into the Day of Woe contest. You satisfied all the requirements of the contest and provided us with a very succinct account of why Howie's brother felt so badly. Albeit, it was the brother's fault for getting him involved in the first place, the way the story unfolded caused the unpredictable outcome.
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A very good entry into the Day of Woe contest. You satisfied all the requirements of the contest and provided us with a very succinct account of why Howie's brother felt so badly. Albeit, it was the brother's fault for getting him involved in the first place, the way the story unfolded caused the unpredictable outcome.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I enjoyed reading your story, Jim, but I have a problem with your all too frequent reference to balance. I know what you're trying to do from the start when you used the metaphor of the ice and the skating challenges but this whole concept is, plainly and simply, over-egged, I'm afraid, and distracts from an, otherwise, quite powerful plot. There is one small edit concerning punctuation "But being his brother ..." (doesn't quite work with a full stop after 'But.' Generally, then, a well-conceived idea, well executed but just requiring some tweaks of refinement and far less of the 'balance.' Good luck! Debbie
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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I enjoyed reading your story, Jim, but I have a problem with your all too frequent reference to balance. I know what you're trying to do from the start when you used the metaphor of the ice and the skating challenges but this whole concept is, plainly and simply, over-egged, I'm afraid, and distracts from an, otherwise, quite powerful plot. There is one small edit concerning punctuation "But being his brother ..." (doesn't quite work with a full stop after 'But.' Generally, then, a well-conceived idea, well executed but just requiring some tweaks of refinement and far less of the 'balance.' Good luck! Debbie
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Thanks for your suggestions. I will try to tweak it a bit. I appreciate very much your review.
Comment from Jesse James Doty
For one thing, you must put crime fiction in your heading instead of general fiction. For another please put a tag on it for violence!
I do not like reading crime stories involving violence of any kind. Especially ones including hurting your younger brother's life and his baby!
Jesse
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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For one thing, you must put crime fiction in your heading instead of general fiction. For another please put a tag on it for violence!
I do not like reading crime stories involving violence of any kind. Especially ones including hurting your younger brother's life and his baby!
Jesse
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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I do notmuch like crime or violence either, do I usually throw in lined sbout honoring God, or wanting to honor Him, though I admit this was a bit dark. I'm tryng to get used to writing again.
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My point is to label it as having violent content in the post. Also, labeling it as a crime and mystery post is needed for those of us who would pass it by for that reason.
Jesse
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Thank you so much and I incorporated the changes!
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Great!
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I am trying my hand at different ways of writing, but I assure you, were I writing for the screen or mass media, I would carefully guide my words and themes.
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Oh, I see...
Comment from BethShelby
What a horror story. You are an excellent writer and you make you work come to life and leave us feeling a little sick at the ending. Maybe everyone doesn't see it that way. You deserve a six, which I don't have, for the quality of your writing. I can't say I enjoyed the story.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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What a horror story. You are an excellent writer and you make you work come to life and leave us feeling a little sick at the ending. Maybe everyone doesn't see it that way. You deserve a six, which I don't have, for the quality of your writing. I can't say I enjoyed the story.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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I am very thankful for your review!
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I meant to tell you, I was out for awhile in the hospital and rehab. Now, Monday I will have an operation under my left eye. Hope to read your words and hear from you soon!
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I'm sorry to hear you've had problems. I hope things go well with further surgery.
Comment from karenina
First of all, I wish you well as you undergo surgery tomorrow, Jim. My prayers will be with you. How great you were able to put together this excellent story even while preparing for surgery!
It's a strong tale and a dark one. Evil is never "small" -- it only seems to be, in the moment of time. It grows and consumes us if we are not able to repel the forces within.
Excellent descriptive writing and dialogue here. I only wish there could have been a different outcome!
Karenina
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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First of all, I wish you well as you undergo surgery tomorrow, Jim. My prayers will be with you. How great you were able to put together this excellent story even while preparing for surgery!
It's a strong tale and a dark one. Evil is never "small" -- it only seems to be, in the moment of time. It grows and consumes us if we are not able to repel the forces within.
Excellent descriptive writing and dialogue here. I only wish there could have been a different outcome!
Karenina
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Thank you so much! I truly missed reading your words and hearing from you!
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I've been walking through your portfolio for several days... Post surgery you are going to be tired of my reviews!
Comment from lyenochka
That is really a "day of woe." You described a whole novel into this short story and your narrator's voice came through very well. I guess getting involved with the mob is something that one never gets away from.
Best wishes in the contest.
There were several places where there was a change in speaker and should be in a separate paragraph. I'm sure you can find those places.
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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That is really a "day of woe." You described a whole novel into this short story and your narrator's voice came through very well. I guess getting involved with the mob is something that one never gets away from.
Best wishes in the contest.
There were several places where there was a change in speaker and should be in a separate paragraph. I'm sure you can find those places.
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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Thank you. I still am tweaking the story a bit.
Comment from Lea Tonin1
That certainly is a day of woe. What terrible thing could, and you've written it so well that I'm almost there. Feeling it Wilson, so that's a mark of a good writer for sure, and this was ineed a powerful right hand the consequences of being criminal is clear! I see, no issues with esthetic sentence structure, spelling punctuation or subject matter. You have yourself a fine taxi here in a fine entry. It's spooky and it's sad as it is, have yourself a wonderful evening well done!
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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That certainly is a day of woe. What terrible thing could, and you've written it so well that I'm almost there. Feeling it Wilson, so that's a mark of a good writer for sure, and this was ineed a powerful right hand the consequences of being criminal is clear! I see, no issues with esthetic sentence structure, spelling punctuation or subject matter. You have yourself a fine taxi here in a fine entry. It's spooky and it's sad as it is, have yourself a wonderful evening well done!
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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I am very deeply appreciative of your words!
Comment from royowen
What a good story, the inevitability of this story is such that this was going to be the outcome for this man who agreed but once, and an older brother who chose to serve someone who was evil personified, beautifully written, Jim, how are you feeling Jim? Blessings Roy
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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What a good story, the inevitability of this story is such that this was going to be the outcome for this man who agreed but once, and an older brother who chose to serve someone who was evil personified, beautifully written, Jim, how are you feeling Jim? Blessings Roy
Comment Written 21-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 21-Oct-2023
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I am doing well and wish Monday would pass because I'm itching to write more and to correspond with you and the others I admire so much!
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Well done Jim