A Father's Love
A Hunting Trip Gone Wrong34 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Nooooooo! A story that sent me reeling. Nothing greater than a parent's love, you set me off kilter with: "No, I'm so scared; I don't want to leave you here alone either," Tom sobs."
Again, with this: "I stretch as far as possible and feel Tom's weight leave my shoulders..."
I'd plunge into a hell of Arkansas Timber Rattlesnakes for my child.
Your ending--the fate of fangs.
I gasped.
Karenina
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Nooooooo! A story that sent me reeling. Nothing greater than a parent's love, you set me off kilter with: "No, I'm so scared; I don't want to leave you here alone either," Tom sobs."
Again, with this: "I stretch as far as possible and feel Tom's weight leave my shoulders..."
I'd plunge into a hell of Arkansas Timber Rattlesnakes for my child.
Your ending--the fate of fangs.
I gasped.
Karenina
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thank you for reading. Sorry for the unhappy ending. Thank God it's just a story. Right?
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S. King has made millions on unhappy endings. The ending was thrilling. No apologies!
(But yes, thank God it as just a story!)
Comment from Tpa
I liked the beginning that it hook the reader a problem existed. You did good in creating the setting and the danger it lurks. You could have written a more little emotional feeling from the characters. I wish you the best in the contest.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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I liked the beginning that it hook the reader a problem existed. You did good in creating the setting and the danger it lurks. You could have written a more little emotional feeling from the characters. I wish you the best in the contest.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thank you. I agree about the emotional feelings. I did make the reader aware of their fear and Tom' emotional parting. I was doing my best to keep the word count down as the readers on here don't care much for long stories.
Comment from the13thpoet
Hello Prettybluebirds a terrific Thursday to you. I hope this finds you well. Thanks for sharing your This sentence starts the story entry, I think you executed well and did a great job. Haven't seen my father in 30 years, not that I want to, however when I read or see stories of father and sons it does tug on the old heart strings. Good luck in the contest and have a great day!
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Hello Prettybluebirds a terrific Thursday to you. I hope this finds you well. Thanks for sharing your This sentence starts the story entry, I think you executed well and did a great job. Haven't seen my father in 30 years, not that I want to, however when I read or see stories of father and sons it does tug on the old heart strings. Good luck in the contest and have a great day!
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thank you for reading and commenting. I wish my fater was still here so I could see him. He died in 1967 when I was 19.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was horrific! You certainly used this sentence to start your story well. Goodness me! That poor boy will come back and find he has no dad! You really wrote this well, a brilliant contest entry and I wish you the very best of luck! :)) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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That was horrific! You certainly used this sentence to start your story well. Goodness me! That poor boy will come back and find he has no dad! You really wrote this well, a brilliant contest entry and I wish you the very best of luck! :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thank you. It is a horrible story as far as content goes. I hate snakes myself so maybe that's why I made them the villians.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Very well written. Great work.
The imagery is superb. You've painted a true picture.
Being an American boomer, I first wanted to call for Lassie, but quickly dispelled me of that notion. And per "Oh Brother Where Art Thou", they were in a 'tight spot'.
Best wishes and good luck.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Very well written. Great work.
The imagery is superb. You've painted a true picture.
Being an American boomer, I first wanted to call for Lassie, but quickly dispelled me of that notion. And per "Oh Brother Where Art Thou", they were in a 'tight spot'.
Best wishes and good luck.
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thank you for your kind comments and the six stars. Snakes are my biggest phobia. I don't know what I wanted to write a story about them for. LOL
Comment from LisaMay
Ghastly story! It's written so grippingly in its suspense, but as I fear snakes it made my blood run cold all the way through. The father did die for his son - he got him out but the fatal mistake was made. My worst nightmare, getting stuck in a confined space with a snake, and you made it worse with several of the bastards!!
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Ghastly story! It's written so grippingly in its suspense, but as I fear snakes it made my blood run cold all the way through. The father did die for his son - he got him out but the fatal mistake was made. My worst nightmare, getting stuck in a confined space with a snake, and you made it worse with several of the bastards!!
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thank you. I don't much care for snakes myself. They give me the major creeps. I don't know why i wanted to write a story about them.
Comment from Jeff Watkins
Pretty, this story is so convincing that it could be read as non-fiction except that the narrator is dead. When I read that the narrator would not see his son again, I was shocked. I speculated that he had gone blind as a result of a snake bite. The introductory material successfully creates the the reader's willingness to suspend disbelief. Your editing is 100% correct except that son and dad should not be capitalized. The narrator's voice is authentic, as is the relationship between the narrator and his son. The first person narration works well. I'm glad I have read this story. Jeff
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Pretty, this story is so convincing that it could be read as non-fiction except that the narrator is dead. When I read that the narrator would not see his son again, I was shocked. I speculated that he had gone blind as a result of a snake bite. The introductory material successfully creates the the reader's willingness to suspend disbelief. Your editing is 100% correct except that son and dad should not be capitalized. The narrator's voice is authentic, as is the relationship between the narrator and his son. The first person narration works well. I'm glad I have read this story. Jeff
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thank you for reading and commenting. I appreciate the six stars. I think it should be a matter of choice to capitalize the two words. It seems to point out the importence of them. However, if you think it is incorrect grammar wise, I will change them. Thank you again.
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I violate technical correctness frequently, and I agree that the caps work well, but I am not sure the added value justifies violating the rule. No less than Mark Twain gave permission to violate rules, however. How's that for ducking and diving? Jeff
Comment from Begin Again
This in NOT how I planned to start my morning.... I am terrified of snakes and even pictures of them. You had me trembling throughout the entire story...Glad it was a short one! Very well done but certainly not my cup of tea. LOL Good job and I wish you well in the contest.
Hugs, Carol
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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This in NOT how I planned to start my morning.... I am terrified of snakes and even pictures of them. You had me trembling throughout the entire story...Glad it was a short one! Very well done but certainly not my cup of tea. LOL Good job and I wish you well in the contest.
Hugs, Carol
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thank you. Snakes are not my cup of tea either. If I was in that situation the snakes wouldn't have to kill me, I would die of fright first. Hope I didn't ruin your day.
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Of course you didn't ruin my day but you did send shivers all through me. LOL You and Helen both had snake stories...Ugh!
Comment from lyenochka
You must know a lot about hunting and snakes to write this. It is very sad but you made it realistic and show us the devoted love of the father for his son. Best wishes in the contest!
around the bottom of the wellĂ¢?" (FS garbled a character here)
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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You must know a lot about hunting and snakes to write this. It is very sad but you made it realistic and show us the devoted love of the father for his son. Best wishes in the contest!
around the bottom of the wellĂ¢?" (FS garbled a character here)
Comment Written 24-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thank you. I thought I got all those computer gliches out. I will edit and remove it. Thanks ever so much for pointing it out.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I loved the story however; I wish you had not ended with the note telling it ends sadly. That sort of gave the ending away.............................................................
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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I loved the story however; I wish you had not ended with the note telling it ends sadly. That sort of gave the ending away.............................................................
Comment Written 23-Feb-2022
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2022
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Thank you. You might be right. Perhaps I will remove the footnote. Thanks for pointing it out.
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ok