Contest Entry and Winners
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Trinity's Story"Short Stories
30 total reviews
Comment from Sherry Asbury
Oh my - that is a supernatural story all right. How very sad and heartbreaking. You did an excellent job with this and it is sadly laid out. Life does not always go as we hope...we must accept and learn to live with the bad as well as the good.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Oh my - that is a supernatural story all right. How very sad and heartbreaking. You did an excellent job with this and it is sadly laid out. Life does not always go as we hope...we must accept and learn to live with the bad as well as the good.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Yes, we never know how life will go but we can hope for the best regardless. Thanks for the kind review.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
The greatest thing about writing is: everything can be exactly as we would want it to be. The worst thing about writing is: it only comes true when you're writing. Thanks for sharing. :-)
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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The greatest thing about writing is: everything can be exactly as we would want it to be. The worst thing about writing is: it only comes true when you're writing. Thanks for sharing. :-)
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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So very true... I can let my mind wander in good and bad places knowing that I can escape at any time. Today was one of those days! Thanks for the review. Hugs, Carol
Comment from royowen
It's always so comforting to know that love, whether in the body or out of the body is eternal. An ever lasting covenant that will always be for a man or a woman, the way God will encompass that love in a forever haven. Beautifully written Carol, you've succeeded in that here. Well dine, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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It's always so comforting to know that love, whether in the body or out of the body is eternal. An ever lasting covenant that will always be for a man or a woman, the way God will encompass that love in a forever haven. Beautifully written Carol, you've succeeded in that here. Well dine, blessings Roy
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Thanks, Roy... My mind was wandering in many different directions today and this is where I landed. I think Mike was encouraging me to remember that he's always by my side even through the tough times. Thanks for stopping by and for the review.
Hugs, Carol
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My pleasure Carol,
Comment from BethShelby
Wow! This is little unsettling. I wasn't expecting a funeral. Of course it was designed to make us expect a wedding and you succeeded. I should have looked more closely at the picture. It is beautifully written about an ending but not the beginning we hoped for.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Wow! This is little unsettling. I wasn't expecting a funeral. Of course it was designed to make us expect a wedding and you succeeded. I should have looked more closely at the picture. It is beautifully written about an ending but not the beginning we hoped for.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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My mind was wandering in many places today and I guess some of the darkness rubbed off. LOL Hope it wasn't too black for you. Thanks for the review.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from lancellot
This is a very well made story and I'm sure it will touch many hearts. You do a great job with the emotional appeal and painting the scene.
I would look closer at following two paragraphs. Misdirection is at the heart of this flash fiction, but I think these two paragraphs go too far and cross that fine line. (Unless Trinity was psycho as a child). A possibility.
Today was Trinity's day. A vision she dreamed of throughout her childhood. She'd imagined every flower, every song, every second of how the day would unfold. Her fairytale wedding with the love of her life remained etched in her mind.
The beautiful bride allowed herself one momentary glance at her reflection and smiled. The image staring back at her was breathtaking. Tears glistened in the corner of her eyes. She looked stunning, better than any of her dreams. She wondered if her Mom and Dad were watching from Heaven's Gates.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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This is a very well made story and I'm sure it will touch many hearts. You do a great job with the emotional appeal and painting the scene.
I would look closer at following two paragraphs. Misdirection is at the heart of this flash fiction, but I think these two paragraphs go too far and cross that fine line. (Unless Trinity was psycho as a child). A possibility.
Today was Trinity's day. A vision she dreamed of throughout her childhood. She'd imagined every flower, every song, every second of how the day would unfold. Her fairytale wedding with the love of her life remained etched in her mind.
The beautiful bride allowed herself one momentary glance at her reflection and smiled. The image staring back at her was breathtaking. Tears glistened in the corner of her eyes. She looked stunning, better than any of her dreams. She wondered if her Mom and Dad were watching from Heaven's Gates.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read, enjoy and review my story. It means a great deal to me and I truly appreciate it.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Ingenious. Punch to the gut--had no clue. Brilliant set up. This may be a winner.
Two local floral shops provided baskets of white gladiolus, long-stemmed roses, carnations, and lily of the valley [sugg: COMMA] surrounded by delicate ferns and trailing vines of ivy.
Blush-pink peonies added a soft touch of color. (make clear that the preceding roses and carnations are also white)
Elaborate bows of satin and tulle adorned each church pew [with two pink rosebuds in the center=>OF WHAT?].
The men and women [WITH WHOM] she'd worked side by side for the last two years wore their military blues and filled two full pews.
Trinity gasped as she watched Paul, dressed in a black tuxedo, step from a car, WHICH WAS double-parked beside [the other=>ANOTHER] cars.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Ingenious. Punch to the gut--had no clue. Brilliant set up. This may be a winner.
Two local floral shops provided baskets of white gladiolus, long-stemmed roses, carnations, and lily of the valley [sugg: COMMA] surrounded by delicate ferns and trailing vines of ivy.
Blush-pink peonies added a soft touch of color. (make clear that the preceding roses and carnations are also white)
Elaborate bows of satin and tulle adorned each church pew [with two pink rosebuds in the center=>OF WHAT?].
The men and women [WITH WHOM] she'd worked side by side for the last two years wore their military blues and filled two full pews.
Trinity gasped as she watched Paul, dressed in a black tuxedo, step from a car, WHICH WAS double-parked beside [the other=>ANOTHER] cars.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2021
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Thank you for taking the time to read, enjoy and review my story. It means a great deal to me and I truly appreciate it.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
For goodness sake, Carol, do you enjoy making me cry?? That was absolutely beautiful, sad, lovely, romantic, horrific, it was everthing. I don't know how you do it, but your stories always grab me and I have to say to the weeping end! I loved this story, even though it was terrible sad. Well don and good luck in the contest! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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For goodness sake, Carol, do you enjoy making me cry?? That was absolutely beautiful, sad, lovely, romantic, horrific, it was everthing. I don't know how you do it, but your stories always grab me and I have to say to the weeping end! I loved this story, even though it was terrible sad. Well don and good luck in the contest! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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I'm not exactly sure where I dug this one up from and how I got to where it went, but it definitely was a roller coaster ride of sorts. Thanks for reading and reviewing. At least your review made me smile. Love you, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
This deserves a six, but I'm fresh out. Your story is imaginative and supernatural in the most benevolent way possible. Descriptions were perfect. You had me fooled right up until she prayed he knew she was there.
Halleluiah ==> Hallelujah
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reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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This deserves a six, but I'm fresh out. Your story is imaginative and supernatural in the most benevolent way possible. Descriptions were perfect. You had me fooled right up until she prayed he knew she was there.
Halleluiah ==> Hallelujah
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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I saw that error, corrected it and then of course I didn't save it. LOL Thanks for pointing out my senility.... Fixed (I hope). Glad you enjoyed the story. I meant to remove the spot that said she prayed he knew she was there... future readers don't get the benefit of knowing so soon. LOL
Hugs, Carol
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You are welcome.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
What a lovely story that seems so real. You did a good job hinting that the story wasn't quite what it seemed and did a perfect job of turning it around into the supernatural.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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What a lovely story that seems so real. You did a good job hinting that the story wasn't quite what it seemed and did a perfect job of turning it around into the supernatural.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and enjoy my story. Writing supernatural things isn't my style so I needed to add wonderful dreams with the bad... Thank you so much for the review and the stars.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Jasmine Girl
What a good way to tell from the first person point of view of a funeral. It is very creative and uplifting. It's like heaven and earth are in one so it's not big deal to go there from earth.
Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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What a good way to tell from the first person point of view of a funeral. It is very creative and uplifting. It's like heaven and earth are in one so it's not big deal to go there from earth.
Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 12-Oct-2021
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Thanks Lisa... My mind was taking dark turns today and I wanted to write something a bit different... mixing the happiness with the sorrow and a touch of God's blessings as well.
Thanks for the review. Carol