Comment from Gail Denham

Excellent

Nice haiku - some of them fellers did get mighty leathery didn't they. And perhaps they ended up with skin spots that went bad - I often wonder. Even though I'm not out in sun that much -I get pre-cancer spots.
Good poem and goes so well with that picture.

 Comment Written 16-Apr-2019

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reply by the author on 16-Apr-2019

Gail,

What you see is my genre, 5-7-5 or Haiku. The latter style is much harder to achieve IMHO. I try even with my non-traditional (English language style) Haiku to include an 'aha moment' for my last line.

So with your generous stars and comments, maybe the last line should be edited to:

skin doctor is next LOL

Actually had I not been so religious with my 5 syllables, my 'ten gallon' (hat) would have been 'battered Stetson'!

Enjoy your day.

Mark

P.S. According to my dermatologist, those skin spots we get may not be just from the 'sun' but from our parents' genes.

Comment from Colin John

Excellent

Hi Mark , a well presented poem and would have done well in the western themed competition . Picture complements also . Cheers Colin

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

thanks Colin for your continued support of my posts! They are appreciated.

Mark

Comment from HealingMuse

Excellent

Hi Mark,

Very well said, my friend. I like the image you have selected, as it serves your verse well in conveying a sense of being heat soaked and parched. Thanks for sharing. Jan :-)

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

Jan,

Glad you read this. My original illustration was a comedic touch (I thought!), but apparently FS members said it was disjointed for my verse. As such, I took their advice and replaced it with a pseudo Marlboro Man picture (-; I am pleased that I did not take a soaking.

Mark

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

I see a few of these weather beaten faces over here and they could do with a few of these 10 gallon hats! I liked your writ, very expressive, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

Thanks Dolly!

No need to reply, but instead of the 'ten gallon (hat)' I could have used 'battered Stetson' but that had too many syllables LOL

Thanks anyway for your stars and review.

Mark

Comment from Tina Crute

Excellent

This is very engaging. The picture looks weathered , so your words are in harmony with it. A suggestion...you may not need the dashes. I have seen many of these with no punctuation, and it works, because your last line is a complete thought and very understandable. Either way this is dramatic and real life, which I like. I like flowery words, but poems about real people are more interesting I think.

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

Thanks for those generous comments and stars Tina!

You are correct about the dash issue. I likely would not use if this (verse) was a traditional Haiku for its satori last line. But just for my 575s, I often use them. Sometimes I want a greater pause for the last line so I stick them in. Rarely do I ever use punctuation in my short verses, but I always do center my text lines.

Glad this posting so engaged you on different levels.

Mark

reply by Tina Crute on 15-Apr-2019

I see your point, of creating a pause before the last line. I will have to remember that technique. you are welcome for the stars. You earned'em!

Comment from RodG

Excellent

Remington's sculptures seem to portray the Cowboy you describe here. Easy to see that sun-carved face below that battered Stetson. Well drawn, Mark.

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

Thanks Rod for your comments and stars. I am aware of Remington's art.

'Ten gallon' could be replaced by your 'big Steson' but .... ' battered Stetson' is way more descriptive but too many syllables for my verse. LOL

Mark

reply by RodG on 15-Apr-2019

Always a pleasure. Rod

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

Since most cowpokes were too macho to carry parasols,
wide-brimmed hats offered a practical alternative.
Hats often identified a cowboy to region. Anglo Texicans wore a hat that evolved into Stetsons--which traveled north to the cattle meccas of Kansas, Nebraska, and Wyoming. The sombrero carried the day in New Mexico, Arizona, Nevada, and California. Utah was an oddball. Mormons had their own boring hats.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

Lee,

Thanks for your stars and hat history! Another reviewer mentioned a 'battered Stetson' that is way more descriptive but too many syllables for my verse. But the women were smarter, they used parasols to shield them from the hot sun.

Mark

reply by humpwhistle on 15-Apr-2019

In the west, most wore bonnets with visors (effectively). Hats have always been utilitarian--unless you're rich.

Comment from Michele Harber

Excellent

I'm sorry, Mark, but this needs a rewrite to fit the picture:

The sunburned cowboy
Stands in his patriotic gotkes ...

You know I'm kidding, of course. Your poem is nicely descriptive, and "leathered" is the perfect adjective to describe sun-dried skin. What had you thinking of cowboys?

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

M

Yep, I know the picture is not appropriate and now you are the 5th of 5 reviews that said the same about the mismatch. I like your idea for the redo. May be your idea is a better one. Will non NYers know gotkes!?!?

It was the image of a deeply leatherd face that I had just read in a book.

Kelp Man apparently got too much sun sitting on the beach in the Galapagos, but not in Speedos!

M

reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

I changed my picture. I was blowing in the wind with my comedic approach, which I consistently can't do successfully. Now the illustration matches the verse more accurately.

reply by Michele Harber on 15-Apr-2019

The illustration is perfect. It really shows the "leathered lines." I'm just sad that the world won't get to see a poem about patriotic gatkes.

reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

It will as soon as soon as I earn pesos to boost your idea (-: BTW .. I verified the spelling, it is gatkes, pronounced as you wrote it ... LOL

reply by Michele Harber on 15-Apr-2019

If non-New Yorkers don't know gatkes (which I apparently misspelled before), let them look it up. It's not your fault if the rest of the world is ignorant. Thanks for letting me know what put the cowboy image in your head.

By the way, if Kelp Man can't handle the Galapagos sun, maybe he isn't a perfect fit for our agency. We don't want him taking too many sick days, or putting in for disability for permanently scaly skin. Do you think it's time we put out a want ad for his replacement? Under requirements, be sure to include the line, "Must work well with other species."

reply by Michele Harber on 15-Apr-2019

So, he had patriotic gatkes, and I had phonetic ones.

reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

Touché ! Does 'other species' include aliens, that are non-NYers? We will not take a FS survey, but my guess is at least half of the FS members would not know what gatkes or tchotchkes (yep, I had to look up the spelling for that one too) mean either! Gefilte fish may also be unknown, but not (Jewish) rye bread.

reply by Michele Harber on 15-Apr-2019

I wouldn't mention Gefilte fish around our Galapagos friends. We don't want anyone to think we might be eating a relative.

As far as the definition of aliens, just think "anyone Trump doesn't want in the country."

I've encountered one other whose name I can't remember but, if you need to drop Jewish words every now and then, review Rachelle Allen's work. She's a phenomenal writer (although most of her work is longer than you like to read), but she is as Jewish as we are, and we drop Yiddish references into our exchanges constantly. It was nice to find out you and I weren't totally alone on an alien planet.

Comment from Y. M. Roger

Excellent

An interesting write this morning.. I enjoyed the words, but your choice of accompanying pic seems to lessen its impact... appreciate your sharing. :)

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

Yvette,

You are not the only one to critique my choice of illustration. I may need to reconsider and find a more appropriate picture to accompany my verse. I clearly recognized the mismatch and that's the reason I added my note. (-; Pleased my words had an affect.

reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

I changed my picture. I was blowing in the wind with my comedic approach, which I consistently can't do successfully. Now the illustration matches the verse more accurately.

reply by Y. M. Roger on 15-Apr-2019

Yeah.... now THAT works for a great presentation. :)

reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

Wait on the next one which will use the original picture - surely the one pictured is not the Sundance Kid or the 'Urban Cowboy.' Before releasing, I will need to earn more pesos to boost it. Thanks for your two-bits advice and commentary. LOL

Comment from Janice Canerdy

Excellent

Your well-written 5-7-5 makes effective use of specific detail to describe
the weathered skin and gigantic hat of the cowboy. The serious poem
and comical artwork present a rather mismatched pair! LOL

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 15-Apr-2019

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reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

Janice,

But did the picture realky pique your interest first? I know the artwork and verse were gross mismatches. I can still find another. The FanArt possibilities were limited to describe my verse's intent.

Mark

reply by the author on 15-Apr-2019

I changed my picture. I was blowing in the wind with my comedic approach, which I consistently can't do successfully. Now the illustration matches the verse more accurately.