The Groom
A groom jumps to conclusions16 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
Jealousy will cause one to enhance the action. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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Jealousy will cause one to enhance the action. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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Thank you c Lucas for a really lovely review
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"You are welcome.
Comment from Earl Corp
Wow, you had to have put a lot into writing a crime scene that rhymes. I enjoyed the story it told as much as the verse. It is easy to see why you're ranked so high in the rankings.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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Wow, you had to have put a lot into writing a crime scene that rhymes. I enjoyed the story it told as much as the verse. It is easy to see why you're ranked so high in the rankings.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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Hi Earl Corp. nice to see you today. I hope you are well. Thank you so much for a very lovely review
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about a groom whose jealousy if his bride gets out of hand and he is put into jail after shooting a man he suspect his bride was cheating with.
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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A very well-written poem about a groom whose jealousy if his bride gets out of hand and he is put into jail after shooting a man he suspect his bride was cheating with.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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Thank you Sandra for your wonderful review
Comment from dragonpoet
That's a very short marriage before an affair. Two days. Though if they spend their honeymoon in a bar getting drunk that is a bad sign to begin with. It's weird that the men went into the the ladies room to have their altercation.
I think you meant to use transparency instead of transparent's
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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That's a very short marriage before an affair. Two days. Though if they spend their honeymoon in a bar getting drunk that is a bad sign to begin with. It's weird that the men went into the the ladies room to have their altercation.
I think you meant to use transparency instead of transparent's
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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Hi Joan. It was not an affair. The bride had met an old high school classmate at the gym and bought from him a ring as a gift for her husband. He jumped to the wrong conclusion. They were plutonic. No I meant transparent?s. The groom followed her to the bar. Many people delay their honeymoons or just don?t take them. I will add some notes. Thank you for your nice review
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Joan. I changed my mind. Thank you so much for the suggestion. I changed the last line to
?Transparency, this barroom brings?
Thanks again
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No problem. Glad to help.
Joan
Comment from Pantygynt
This is like a medieval morality play brought up to date. To say that this one flows would be an insult here. It is not meant to. The short sentences echo the gun's staccato bark and the rapidly changing tableaux that tell the story though they appear to be disconnected. The police like the reader ave to piece together the fragments to reach a picture of the whole thing. This is an excellent example of an adaptation of your usual style to make the form fit the content. Well done.
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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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This is like a medieval morality play brought up to date. To say that this one flows would be an insult here. It is not meant to. The short sentences echo the gun's staccato bark and the rapidly changing tableaux that tell the story though they appear to be disconnected. The police like the reader ave to piece together the fragments to reach a picture of the whole thing. This is an excellent example of an adaptation of your usual style to make the form fit the content. Well done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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Thank you Jim for an encouraging review. Was it clear that the bride and the man at the bar were just high school plutonic classmates? Thanks
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Er- no I didn't catch that one. Sorry.
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I added some notes. But I said he was a high school chum and that she bought a gift for her husband from him. A ring. It is there but I know how it is.
Thank you for answering my question.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness, did this really happen Pam? Or is this a story, it is one hell of a tale my dear! You have it all here, love, hate, jealous and murder, quite a roller coaster ride, some rhymes are near, 'gun' and 'stunned' for instance, but on the whole this is quite a tale, love Dolly x
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reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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Oh my goodness, did this really happen Pam? Or is this a story, it is one hell of a tale my dear! You have it all here, love, hate, jealous and murder, quite a roller coaster ride, some rhymes are near, 'gun' and 'stunned' for instance, but on the whole this is quite a tale, love Dolly x
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 07-Sep-2018
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Not real. Jusfor the wonderful review t my imagination. Thank you