That Damn Man on the Moon
Short Story-What Is This Contest Entry25 total reviews
Comment from reconciled
this was freakin' wonderful. I'm a real sucker for happy endings...-smile-. ya know nine out of ten times this would have played out the other way...and thats really messed up.
I'm very pleased that murdering mother fucker finally got out smarted. Well done Sir. love to you...michael
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
  |
this was freakin' wonderful. I'm a real sucker for happy endings...-smile-. ya know nine out of ten times this would have played out the other way...and thats really messed up.
I'm very pleased that murdering mother fucker finally got out smarted. Well done Sir. love to you...michael
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
-
No way I was letting this jackass off the hook. My female characters are always heroines just like in real life. LOL
Delighted you enjoyed this. I worry about regular stories like this. Whew! Thanks a million. Love back to ya. mikey
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Mikey,
Well worth the read, and to be honest you don't notice the length as the writing is very engaging.
Is John Carpenter a direct correlation to the director (The Thing, Ghosts of Mars and so on). If so bravo!
pour my heart out to you with that", - I think the comma should be inside here.
How's that sound. - question mark here, I think.
your son running wild, talking to the tabloids, making wild false accusations. - I would suggest changing one of the 'wild's' here. maybe preposterous, unfounded or something like that.
making wild false accusations. They may be the false ramblings - similarly here with false.
I know both of these take place in dialogue and can be excused by this but just a thought.
Why the serious tone. - question mark needed here.
The descriptions of Earl are superb and give a light-heartedness to cut through some of the more emotional / tense events.
He said "son" like it was a burst appendix risen through his digestive tract to the tip of his tongue where it simply fell off.
- that's a great line.
That's about it. I'm Earl the Pear." / Pearl.
I hope this does well in the competition.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
 |
Hi Mikey,
Well worth the read, and to be honest you don't notice the length as the writing is very engaging.
Is John Carpenter a direct correlation to the director (The Thing, Ghosts of Mars and so on). If so bravo!
pour my heart out to you with that", - I think the comma should be inside here.
How's that sound. - question mark here, I think.
your son running wild, talking to the tabloids, making wild false accusations. - I would suggest changing one of the 'wild's' here. maybe preposterous, unfounded or something like that.
making wild false accusations. They may be the false ramblings - similarly here with false.
I know both of these take place in dialogue and can be excused by this but just a thought.
Why the serious tone. - question mark needed here.
The descriptions of Earl are superb and give a light-heartedness to cut through some of the more emotional / tense events.
He said "son" like it was a burst appendix risen through his digestive tract to the tip of his tongue where it simply fell off.
- that's a great line.
That's about it. I'm Earl the Pear." / Pearl.
I hope this does well in the competition.
All the best
G
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
-
Gotta get to editing and make these corrections. All good ones. So pleased you liked this. About time I wrote a full length story yes? Yeah, I liked the name, so a little inside joke to those who know, plus it's a combo of real astronaut names. :)) mikey
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Bravo! Terrific story! I wish I could get these great ideas that you do. You make it look easy. So well written that it's nearly ready to publish, too. Just a few little typos, etc. A masterpiece, as only the Amazing Mikey can paint! :)
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
|
Bravo! Terrific story! I wish I could get these great ideas that you do. You make it look easy. So well written that it's nearly ready to publish, too. Just a few little typos, etc. A masterpiece, as only the Amazing Mikey can paint! :)
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
-
Jeesh. You make me feel like a real writer. :))
So delighted you liked this. A little insecure when I write a normal story. An endorsement from the best is a great confidence booster!! Thanks a trillion. mikey
-
I don't know why you lack confidence. That story was superb. You have more talent with words than I can dream of. Our styles are different is all. THere are lots of ways to write great stories. Yours is one, for sure. :)
-
Well, thank you. I guess because I'm somewhat new to it and I don't feel like I know very much. Just afraid that it isn't good. Who knows. Neurotic. LOL
Comment from barkingdog
Who but you could get a murder story out of that picture?
Very well done, my friend.
Dr. Blanchard really knew how to set up and prime the egotistical S.O.B.--even had him sign release papers.
One like stuck in my head. I have a question. What did she mean by 'adoption papers' in this line: '"There are a couple forms to sign, adoption papers and the like." Who was going to adopt who? Or is that a typo?
I enjoyed it all, but especially the confrontation between father and son with its realistic dialogue an action.
Length? Who noticed?
Good luck in the contest.
:) e
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
|
Who but you could get a murder story out of that picture?
Very well done, my friend.
Dr. Blanchard really knew how to set up and prime the egotistical S.O.B.--even had him sign release papers.
One like stuck in my head. I have a question. What did she mean by 'adoption papers' in this line: '"There are a couple forms to sign, adoption papers and the like." Who was going to adopt who? Or is that a typo?
I enjoyed it all, but especially the confrontation between father and son with its realistic dialogue an action.
Length? Who noticed?
Good luck in the contest.
:) e
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2016
-
That line, "adoption papers", was supposed to be a little humour from the Doc considering the weight of the situation ... father, son, estranged for years. The son got it and started laughing, the father after but forced laughter, he didn't find it amusing. Maybe to subtle, I'll look at it. :))
Thrilled you liked this. WOW. I'm delighted. mikey
Comment from jlsavell
Mr. Cahill, I believe you are spreading your wings and becoming a fantastic prose writer. I would lije to know what's going on in that head of yours. Yes, insanity is bliss! Lololoo..
At first I was disconcerted over the name, but your character is a mix of two astronauts...
And there was a real John Carpenter accused of murder. I was thinking you wouldn't be so bold as to use real names...
Hell even if you named him Buzz Lightyears, but then someone wluld think of Buzz Aldrin.. lol.
Well done. Loved it. Great development and characterization.
Jimi
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
|
Mr. Cahill, I believe you are spreading your wings and becoming a fantastic prose writer. I would lije to know what's going on in that head of yours. Yes, insanity is bliss! Lololoo..
At first I was disconcerted over the name, but your character is a mix of two astronauts...
And there was a real John Carpenter accused of murder. I was thinking you wouldn't be so bold as to use real names...
Hell even if you named him Buzz Lightyears, but then someone wluld think of Buzz Aldrin.. lol.
Well done. Loved it. Great development and characterization.
Jimi
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
-
Great input. Appreciate the encouragement. Thanks so much. mikey
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Brother Mike! You are a freaking author genius! I love this story because it's so well written and intriguing. It held my interest from the get-go.
It was not predictable at all but right before Carpenter rapist m@ther f&cker left the room in handcuffs, I had a feeling that was going to happen. It just made sense.
Awesome story, sweetie pie :)
I apologize, I am out of sixes and this definitely deserves one.
Sister Gypsy
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
|
Brother Mike! You are a freaking author genius! I love this story because it's so well written and intriguing. It held my interest from the get-go.
It was not predictable at all but right before Carpenter rapist m@ther f&cker left the room in handcuffs, I had a feeling that was going to happen. It just made sense.
Awesome story, sweetie pie :)
I apologize, I am out of sixes and this definitely deserves one.
Sister Gypsy
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
-
Great input. Appreciate the encouragement. Thanks so much. mikey
Comment from Neonewman
Damn Mikey! I was so in the zone that I actually believed this event took place. That is hard to do. I could see the entire setting from the look on the Dr.'s face the rage in Mr. Carpenters. Bravo my friend.
God bless!
Steve
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
|
Damn Mikey! I was so in the zone that I actually believed this event took place. That is hard to do. I could see the entire setting from the look on the Dr.'s face the rage in Mr. Carpenters. Bravo my friend.
God bless!
Steve
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
-
Great input. Appreciate the encouragement. Thanks so much. mikey
-
Always my friend!
Comment from Challah1202
I thought it was perfect. You gave the boy the story but also the mental illness diagnosis. The arrogant father who had destroyed both his children. I missed the mother. Seems like she would have had a part in this, or was she out of the picture for some other reason. Good job.
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
|
I thought it was perfect. You gave the boy the story but also the mental illness diagnosis. The arrogant father who had destroyed both his children. I missed the mother. Seems like she would have had a part in this, or was she out of the picture for some other reason. Good job.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
-
Great input. Appreciate the encouragement. Thanks so much. mikey
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Michael,
You did a great job with your short story. It reads smoothly. The progression is well done. I like how you broke it into sections with their own title. While it is long, it reads at a rather quick pace. You did a great job with all of the normal story 'parts'--characterization, plot, dialogue, setting, & resolution.
I see no changes. Good job & best wishes in the contest. Jan
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
|
Michael,
You did a great job with your short story. It reads smoothly. The progression is well done. I like how you broke it into sections with their own title. While it is long, it reads at a rather quick pace. You did a great job with all of the normal story 'parts'--characterization, plot, dialogue, setting, & resolution.
I see no changes. Good job & best wishes in the contest. Jan
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
-
Great input. Appreciate the encouragement. Thanks so much. mikey
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Does it really matter(?)
but he was completely exonerated.(")
It's a hard story to believe...............you have your words mixed
if there is more, I don't know, I was too enthralled with the story and my eyes were reading faster than my mind could.lol
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
|
Does it really matter(?)
but he was completely exonerated.(")
It's a hard story to believe...............you have your words mixed
if there is more, I don't know, I was too enthralled with the story and my eyes were reading faster than my mind could.lol
Comment Written 19-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
-
Great input. Appreciate the encouragement. Thanks so much. mikey