Never Underestimate...
Short story, horror or thriller 100 words20 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
I get the feeling that there may be a rodent problem. When walls 'undulate" nothing good can follow unless its waking up from a rat dream.
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I get the feeling that there may be a rodent problem. When walls 'undulate" nothing good can follow unless its waking up from a rat dream.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Is this a prose version of your poetry entry? I sincerely hope so. If not some major plagiarism is at play. Having read the poem this loses its impact somewhat.
GMG
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Hi there,
Is this a prose version of your poetry entry? I sincerely hope so. If not some major plagiarism is at play. Having read the poem this loses its impact somewhat.
GMG
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2015
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Yes. This is what I entered in the poetry contest. Then I read the rules. :) So I dashed off a poem with the same theme for that.
Comment from TAB_that's me
I like the way the tables are turned on this - the man being the victim and the woman the offender. A very good entry - good luck.
Teresa
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I like the way the tables are turned on this - the man being the victim and the woman the offender. A very good entry - good luck.
Teresa
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015
Comment from nordicgirl
All the elements of a good story are here. Not a wasted word in this chilling tale of retribution. Truly exceptional work. A winner in my view.
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All the elements of a good story are here. Not a wasted word in this chilling tale of retribution. Truly exceptional work. A winner in my view.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015
Comment from Tatarka2
I commend you for trying this daunting prompt. It sure was scary, and creepy, too. My suggestion would be that there needs to be a little more explanation, and/or backstory, even in 100 words, to set up the rats in the wall. How? With just that little suggestion, humbly offered, I think this could be horrific, but great.
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I commend you for trying this daunting prompt. It sure was scary, and creepy, too. My suggestion would be that there needs to be a little more explanation, and/or backstory, even in 100 words, to set up the rats in the wall. How? With just that little suggestion, humbly offered, I think this could be horrific, but great.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015
Comment from Muffins
The beginning starts off strong with the conflict of infidelity. It shows how a character who didn't have power now is in control. The control comes from knowledge about the other person's fear. The moral to this story is never spill you fears to another than betray them because your fears will suddenly come true. Great flash fiction.
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The beginning starts off strong with the conflict of infidelity. It shows how a character who didn't have power now is in control. The control comes from knowledge about the other person's fear. The moral to this story is never spill you fears to another than betray them because your fears will suddenly come true. Great flash fiction.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Anon. Well now I've read everything I could possibly hope to read. How on earth did you come up with something so scary in such a short story, I'm impressed. Good luck in the contest, cheers Fez
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G'day Anon. Well now I've read everything I could possibly hope to read. How on earth did you come up with something so scary in such a short story, I'm impressed. Good luck in the contest, cheers Fez
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015
Comment from Dean Kuch
Well, if he's scared of rats, me thinks this cheatin' heart has a rather rude revelation about to unfold. As for me and undulating walls? I'll take rats of cockroaches any day of the week!
I wonder if when they break through the walls, this dude will scream, "A-w-w-w-w, rats!" Heh-heh-heh...
Good creepy stuff (no pun intended). Best of luck in the contest. ~Dean :}
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Well, if he's scared of rats, me thinks this cheatin' heart has a rather rude revelation about to unfold. As for me and undulating walls? I'll take rats of cockroaches any day of the week!
I wonder if when they break through the walls, this dude will scream, "A-w-w-w-w, rats!" Heh-heh-heh...
Good creepy stuff (no pun intended). Best of luck in the contest. ~Dean :}
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Then he must fear himself. Sounds like he is the biggest rat of all. Story flowed nicely and held interest throughout. Descriptive language helped set the stage. Write on.
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Then he must fear himself. Sounds like he is the biggest rat of all. Story flowed nicely and held interest throughout. Descriptive language helped set the stage. Write on.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015
Comment from Cass Carlton
Oh dear!! As the wall paper comes off the wall his day will come unstuck too BIGTIME!! The cause and effect of this situation is neatly and briefly explained with the first sentence and his dismissive attitude to his infidelity echoing her words. No typos, no misspelling, very tidy and to the point. I don't like rats either, so serves him right (the rat) Well done cheers Cass
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Oh dear!! As the wall paper comes off the wall his day will come unstuck too BIGTIME!! The cause and effect of this situation is neatly and briefly explained with the first sentence and his dismissive attitude to his infidelity echoing her words. No typos, no misspelling, very tidy and to the point. I don't like rats either, so serves him right (the rat) Well done cheers Cass
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2015