What's To Find Within
Children's Story In a Poem22 total reviews
Comment from Dustybones
This is a great poem/story child tale told in an adult manner. It was an enjoyable read, with an nice ending which is true. Don't ask how evil runs from good, but seems to work that way in real life. Can't see any room for improvement. I always think you are one of the best on the Fan.
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This is a great poem/story child tale told in an adult manner. It was an enjoyable read, with an nice ending which is true. Don't ask how evil runs from good, but seems to work that way in real life. Can't see any room for improvement. I always think you are one of the best on the Fan.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
Comment from juliesibs
Such a lovely tale and good, of course, wins over evil. This is very suitable for a young child and battle is well played out.
Great job, Julie
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Such a lovely tale and good, of course, wins over evil. This is very suitable for a young child and battle is well played out.
Great job, Julie
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
Comment from ravenblack
While I do like your invention and fun, great names too- Esprie De Ghoulia ( inspired by Cruella De Ville), I feel like I was thrown into the middle of the story and did not invest in the characters. I know this is a contest piece, but it would work much better in smaller chunks as a fully developed story. Come to think of it, you should attempt a children's book.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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While I do like your invention and fun, great names too- Esprie De Ghoulia ( inspired by Cruella De Ville), I feel like I was thrown into the middle of the story and did not invest in the characters. I know this is a contest piece, but it would work much better in smaller chunks as a fully developed story. Come to think of it, you should attempt a children's book.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2015
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That's just about how I wrote this. I just jumped in where the action started. Damn. That idea is registering in my brain. A children's book. Hmmm. All in verse like this. You have me actually thinking about this. It doesn't see like free verse poet activity though. :) Thanks for the review and the idea. mikey
Comment from emrpoems
Fabulous and attention grabbing, which is what you need in a children's poem . They must be held captive by its words and you have achieved this. wish you all the best in the contest
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Fabulous and attention grabbing, which is what you need in a children's poem . They must be held captive by its words and you have achieved this. wish you all the best in the contest
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
Comment from GabbyLew
I enjoyed reading this poem because it is well crafted, and has a distinct rhyme scheme that remains consistent throughout. I could follow the progress of the battle between the witch, fairy and child.
Unfortunately, I could only give 4 stars because I don't think that this poem is easily accessible to children, who the poem is aimed to please, intrigue and entertain. (I don't think I'm downplaying the intelligence of children in grasping the language of the poem either).
But outside of the parameters of the contest, this poem is great.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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I enjoyed reading this poem because it is well crafted, and has a distinct rhyme scheme that remains consistent throughout. I could follow the progress of the battle between the witch, fairy and child.
Unfortunately, I could only give 4 stars because I don't think that this poem is easily accessible to children, who the poem is aimed to please, intrigue and entertain. (I don't think I'm downplaying the intelligence of children in grasping the language of the poem either).
But outside of the parameters of the contest, this poem is great.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
Comment from robina1978
Nice title for this poem, a kid's poem. Witches and fairies always go down well. I see now that this is a requirement of the prompt. You wrote a whole rhyming story in a poem. Best wishes for the prompt.
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Nice title for this poem, a kid's poem. Witches and fairies always go down well. I see now that this is a requirement of the prompt. You wrote a whole rhyming story in a poem. Best wishes for the prompt.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
Comment from crzypnter
Hi mikey,
Very cleaver to write a children's story in a poem form. You have quite a lot going on here (as usual) but, flows well in the format that was used. I can see this even told at a summer camp around a fire. This is a strong contender for the contest. Good luck, God bless
August
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Hi mikey,
Very cleaver to write a children's story in a poem form. You have quite a lot going on here (as usual) but, flows well in the format that was used. I can see this even told at a summer camp around a fire. This is a strong contender for the contest. Good luck, God bless
August
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
Comment from amahra
This i is a story that is not only a great contest entry but a darn good beginning of a really great kid's short story with a nice moral ending.
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This i is a story that is not only a great contest entry but a darn good beginning of a really great kid's short story with a nice moral ending.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
Comment from flylikeaneagle
Michael: Great story of evil and good winning. You made the girl believe in herself
with a friend besides her. The fiery darts couldn't touch Cindy. This is a good parallel to us speaking God's words when Dean's boogey man appears.
You have great beat and this is written well with descriptions and action. I like the fire from the witches fingers as she tried to destroy. The blinding bright light destroyed the witch. Maybe, Jesus was helping Cindy. I like the transformation of good winning and the gardens turning green.
You must have used a lot of paper in this exciting story for children. Well done,
my friend. I drove 600 miles last week with my daughters. I understand life can slam us. I enjoy your creativity. Enjoy the spring weather. flylikeaneagle
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Michael: Great story of evil and good winning. You made the girl believe in herself
with a friend besides her. The fiery darts couldn't touch Cindy. This is a good parallel to us speaking God's words when Dean's boogey man appears.
You have great beat and this is written well with descriptions and action. I like the fire from the witches fingers as she tried to destroy. The blinding bright light destroyed the witch. Maybe, Jesus was helping Cindy. I like the transformation of good winning and the gardens turning green.
You must have used a lot of paper in this exciting story for children. Well done,
my friend. I drove 600 miles last week with my daughters. I understand life can slam us. I enjoy your creativity. Enjoy the spring weather. flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015
Comment from alf collier
Hi Mikey. there is just so much in this poem to entrance little ones and as I read, I could picture kids in a circle, goggle-eyed as they listened to the story . . . then demanded to hear it again. Love this one, alf
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Hi Mikey. there is just so much in this poem to entrance little ones and as I read, I could picture kids in a circle, goggle-eyed as they listened to the story . . . then demanded to hear it again. Love this one, alf
Comment Written 16-Mar-2015