Placid lake of blue
34 syllables in 6 lines28 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
You transported me to this lakeside scene as evening overtook the day. I enjoyed the double 5-7-5 format. You followed the contest's instructions to the letter. Best wishes in the competition. Hugs and happy weekend- Joan
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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You transported me to this lakeside scene as evening overtook the day. I enjoyed the double 5-7-5 format. You followed the contest's instructions to the letter. Best wishes in the competition. Hugs and happy weekend- Joan
Comment Written 06-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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thanks Joan for the great review, Mary
Comment from Smoothiecool
good luck in the contest
you follow the contest prompt
your few words portray the lake and its surrounds
good visual for both
cheers Smoothiecool
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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good luck in the contest
you follow the contest prompt
your few words portray the lake and its surrounds
good visual for both
cheers Smoothiecool
Comment Written 05-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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thanks for your review, Mary
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most welcome..SC >.Faye
Comment from NurseBarb
Your Haiku is beautifully written with vivid imagery allowing the reader to understand the beauty this brook has to offer. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Your Haiku is beautifully written with vivid imagery allowing the reader to understand the beauty this brook has to offer. Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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thanks for your review, Mary
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Mary,
mmmmm, how do I say how much I love your creative language and the way you have captured a moment in time... and yet state that there could be a problem with meeting the requirements to the prompt? mmmmmm... look, don't get me wrong, I stopped doing the prompt thing as there was always someone willing to jump in and say..."that's not what the prompt said"...so I'm not convinced that river or brook is equivalent to lake or pond... both of your references are of a moving entity of water... lake or pond has a body of water feel... hey don't know if I'm right or not, just saying... and while I am saying... I still loved what you did here, it was stunning, so lets hope I'm wrong, which is always on the cards... good luck dear friend.
With our thoughts we create,
a moment in time,
James xx
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Hi Mary,
mmmmm, how do I say how much I love your creative language and the way you have captured a moment in time... and yet state that there could be a problem with meeting the requirements to the prompt? mmmmmm... look, don't get me wrong, I stopped doing the prompt thing as there was always someone willing to jump in and say..."that's not what the prompt said"...so I'm not convinced that river or brook is equivalent to lake or pond... both of your references are of a moving entity of water... lake or pond has a body of water feel... hey don't know if I'm right or not, just saying... and while I am saying... I still loved what you did here, it was stunning, so lets hope I'm wrong, which is always on the cards... good luck dear friend.
With our thoughts we create,
a moment in time,
James xx
Comment Written 05-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Hi James I have changed it to a different double haiku about a lake, you may want to read it, Mary
Comment from adewpearl
Your stanzas are both in good 5/7/5 syllable count, but I want to alert you that the contest has to be about a lake/pond, not a river/brook
There is even a thread in the contest page where the contest sponsor specifically states - no rivers, so you need to change that before they disqualify you :-)
You have excellent descriptive detail and strong sensory appeal
I'm giving this a 4 just to make sure you see my warning - as soon as you revise it to be a lake/pond, let me know and I'll up your rating :-) Brooke
rating raised for revision :-)
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Your stanzas are both in good 5/7/5 syllable count, but I want to alert you that the contest has to be about a lake/pond, not a river/brook
There is even a thread in the contest page where the contest sponsor specifically states - no rivers, so you need to change that before they disqualify you :-)
You have excellent descriptive detail and strong sensory appeal
I'm giving this a 4 just to make sure you see my warning - as soon as you revise it to be a lake/pond, let me know and I'll up your rating :-) Brooke
rating raised for revision :-)
Comment Written 05-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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thanks Brooke I have changed the whole double haiku, Mary
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I just raised the rating :-)
Comment from krys123
Mary;
Both of your poems are stunning and very rich in imagery which was very descriptive and eloquently expressive throughout the writings.
You favorably of one my attention as I read this most vigorously and attentively. I enjoyed reading them very much for they cast a vision in my mind so clear.
Good luck in the contest for this is an excellent entry in May the Lord be with you always Mary.
Alex
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Mary;
Both of your poems are stunning and very rich in imagery which was very descriptive and eloquently expressive throughout the writings.
You favorably of one my attention as I read this most vigorously and attentively. I enjoyed reading them very much for they cast a vision in my mind so clear.
Good luck in the contest for this is an excellent entry in May the Lord be with you always Mary.
Alex
Comment Written 05-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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thanks alex I have changed it,for your review, Mary
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You are so sincerely welcome Mary.
Alex
Comment from baustian64
I like this very much. Then I love birds and watching them is a joy. The Kingfisher is one of my favorites although you don't see him to often.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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I like this very much. Then I love birds and watching them is a joy. The Kingfisher is one of my favorites although you don't see him to often.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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thanks for your review, I had to change it to lake etc. Mary
Comment from gazzagodbod
my favourite birds those and robins loved to sit watching them and i loved your poem well done my friend and thank you xxgazzagodbodxx
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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my favourite birds those and robins loved to sit watching them and i loved your poem well done my friend and thank you xxgazzagodbodxx
Comment Written 05-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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thanks for your review, I had to change it, Mary
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Good job with the prompt. I like the descriptive words of the kingfisher. I like the theme you chose. I would not change anything. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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Good job with the prompt. I like the descriptive words of the kingfisher. I like the theme you chose. I would not change anything. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2014
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thanks for the review, but I had to change it, you may like to read it now. Mary
Comment from Ranwolf
Sensational work. Perfect 5-7-5-5-7-5 count. I can see the picture. As a nature lover it brings great pleasure reading this kind of writing. Keep up the great work.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2014
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Sensational work. Perfect 5-7-5-5-7-5 count. I can see the picture. As a nature lover it brings great pleasure reading this kind of writing. Keep up the great work.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2014
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2014
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I am so pleased that you enjoyed my double haiku, Mary