The Scent of Darkness
Short Story-Missed prompt!23 total reviews
Comment from Michaelk
Be carefully young padawan, pride leads to the dark side. :)
Your story was great, I'm sure it would've done quite well in the contest. (I would've voted for it)
Your gentleman/villian was well done. Smooth, sophisticated, yet just the right amount of arrogance and self assuredness. Your ending was sublime. You let the reader know in just a few words that something horrible was going to happen, then left the reader's imagination to fill in the blanks.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Be carefully young padawan, pride leads to the dark side. :)
Your story was great, I'm sure it would've done quite well in the contest. (I would've voted for it)
Your gentleman/villian was well done. Smooth, sophisticated, yet just the right amount of arrogance and self assuredness. Your ending was sublime. You let the reader know in just a few words that something horrible was going to happen, then left the reader's imagination to fill in the blanks.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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I'm already three days behind! Sorry to be late with this. I'm pleased to hear from you and delighted you liked this. I'm trying to cut back on the amount of posts so I can get caught up. But, then I see a prompt and I write things! Glad you liked this. Writing books makes these seem a lot easier now. mikey
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
we look with our head in the sand while our bright red bottoms invite a swift kick << Terrrific line!
the buffoon that speaks to you now, knows none << Remove that comma. It separates subjedt from predicate.
Wow! What a wonderful piece of writing! You really have talent, Mikey. I think you might try doing more short stories where you can branch out into a multitude of different characters, something that novels don't allow. You have that knack for getting into a character's head. I'd love to see a whole collection of your short stories published. I'd buy it for sure. :)
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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we look with our head in the sand while our bright red bottoms invite a swift kick << Terrrific line!
the buffoon that speaks to you now, knows none << Remove that comma. It separates subjedt from predicate.
Wow! What a wonderful piece of writing! You really have talent, Mikey. I think you might try doing more short stories where you can branch out into a multitude of different characters, something that novels don't allow. You have that knack for getting into a character's head. I'd love to see a whole collection of your short stories published. I'd buy it for sure. :)
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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What a wonderful encouraging review. I really enjoyed writing this. It seemed so easy after writing these books that go on and on and on!! I'll try and write some more short pieces. It helps the novel too, it clears my head. Thank you so much!! mikey
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Hahahaha! Maybe it was a break for them, I haven't read any other entries. You have portrayed the mind of a predator and showed us how skilled he is at putting his prey at ease until the moment is just right for him to pounce. Poor gal. Well done, Nancy
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Hahahaha! Maybe it was a break for them, I haven't read any other entries. You have portrayed the mind of a predator and showed us how skilled he is at putting his prey at ease until the moment is just right for him to pounce. Poor gal. Well done, Nancy
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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I suppose it's a good thing I'm lazy! It all seems like so much work to me. Ha! Donna is looking at me strange though. Glad you liked it. A fun break from my book that never ends. mikey
Comment from ravenblack
Ummm, uhhh- you have far too easy a time of slipping into the mind of a serial killer, the predator/prey mentality, sniffing-out an opportunity and knowing exactly what levers to push for maximum manipulation... Ummm, how many bodies in your basement? 13 here. Bwah ha ha ha! ( excellent story. Someone must have slipped something in my coffee).
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Ummm, uhhh- you have far too easy a time of slipping into the mind of a serial killer, the predator/prey mentality, sniffing-out an opportunity and knowing exactly what levers to push for maximum manipulation... Ummm, how many bodies in your basement? 13 here. Bwah ha ha ha! ( excellent story. Someone must have slipped something in my coffee).
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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I'm in the desert... a big one! It's fortunate that I am lazy and not ambitious. I'd never make a good serial killer, too much work and commitment. Hahaha. This was actually fun to write after writing novels. Whatever possessed me?
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the picture. I love the poem. Monsters come in all shapes and sizes. Monsters can look so normal. They know how to act normal. They are almost too good to be true. We are in the dark, or lack the knowledge of this kind of monster. Great work.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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I love the picture. I love the poem. Monsters come in all shapes and sizes. Monsters can look so normal. They know how to act normal. They are almost too good to be true. We are in the dark, or lack the knowledge of this kind of monster. Great work.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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I'm so pleased you enjoyed this. I had a great time writing it. It came easy to me after writing novels for so long. It was actually fun to write a short piece!! Thank you so much!! mikey
Comment from Nosha17
This seems like a preview of a forthcoming novel, I can see into the future! It is very well written and has great possibilities for more chapters. Good dialogue, good characterisations, narrative and asides. I spotted 2 errors, I know you don't mind-paragraph 2 line 4 should be 'about herself' and same line, 'attuned to' (it is the participle, not an adjective so needs the extra letter). Most enjoyable read. Faye
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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This seems like a preview of a forthcoming novel, I can see into the future! It is very well written and has great possibilities for more chapters. Good dialogue, good characterisations, narrative and asides. I spotted 2 errors, I know you don't mind-paragraph 2 line 4 should be 'about herself' and same line, 'attuned to' (it is the participle, not an adjective so needs the extra letter). Most enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Hi. This is less behind than normal!! Trying to catch up. Hmm. A novel. I did enjoy writing this. I like the terrible character, but I don't write scary very well. Although this implied stuff worked pretty well. Maybe! Thank you. I'll fix those things. mikey
Comment from Dean Kuch
Aw, dang it, Mikey! It's truly a shame you missed the contest deadline because, in my humble opinion, this had an excellent chance of winning, based on what I've read of the other entries.
This Lance is much more than just the casual observer. He is a wolf in sheep's clothing, a vile and despicable monstrosity in human form. Oh, the unspeakably unbearable things he must do to these poor, unsuspecting females...
Can I watch?
Nicely done!
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Aw, dang it, Mikey! It's truly a shame you missed the contest deadline because, in my humble opinion, this had an excellent chance of winning, based on what I've read of the other entries.
This Lance is much more than just the casual observer. He is a wolf in sheep's clothing, a vile and despicable monstrosity in human form. Oh, the unspeakably unbearable things he must do to these poor, unsuspecting females...
Can I watch?
Nicely done!
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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You already have it pictured in your mind! This was fun for me. I'm so dingy trying to write a book. I am trying to post less and catch up more. Short stories seem to come easier now. Well, if I entered and lost I'd be pissed. This way I pretend like I did them a favor! Thank you, mikey
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Well, I just saw that you tied with Leineco in the stacked 5-7-5, so your luck is running a lot better than mine is. I'm sure you'll best me in the other contest we're mutually entered into. My luck is shitty lately when it comes to these prompts and contests. But, they challenge me to write, so I keep doin' it.
You're very welcome, Mikey! :}
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It seems to run in spurts. Lose, lose, lose and then all of a sudden your cheating! Hahaha. I once won three in a row and they were mentioning me in the forum. They don't say a word when we're in the toilet for a month!
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You sure got that right!
Comment from Donya Quijote
Evil lurks here. Poor girl should have stayed with the monkey. This is going to end badly for the woman I just know it. Did her mother ever tell not to go home with strangers, especially those that frequent bars. Very well done...
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Evil lurks here. Poor girl should have stayed with the monkey. This is going to end badly for the woman I just know it. Did her mother ever tell not to go home with strangers, especially those that frequent bars. Very well done...
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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I'm so pleased you liked this. I always play piano for the moms. It puts them at ease! Hahaha. Glad you liked this. Thank you kindly, mikey
Comment from Sasha
Wow, what a great story. I am so sorry you missed the deadline, this surely would have been a contender. I love how you slowly build to the unexpected ending. Quite a shocker. Great work with this one. I enjoyed it immensely.
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Wow, what a great story. I am so sorry you missed the deadline, this surely would have been a contender. I love how you slowly build to the unexpected ending. Quite a shocker. Great work with this one. I enjoyed it immensely.
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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I'm so pleased you liked this. After writing these stupid novels this was a breeze! It was fun to write a story that I knew had an ending coming up shortly. :)) Thank you so much, mikey
Comment from adewpearl
make a woman feel better about themselves - about herself
is that what you are saying, monkey boy? - add comma for direct address
This is creepy as heck, Mikey :-) You get inside this psychopath's innermost thoughts exceedingly well, enough to give me the creeps :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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make a woman feel better about themselves - about herself
is that what you are saying, monkey boy? - add comma for direct address
This is creepy as heck, Mikey :-) You get inside this psychopath's innermost thoughts exceedingly well, enough to give me the creeps :-) Brooke
Comment Written 29-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2014
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Sorry! I'm too lazy to leave my room, so everyone is safe! I'll fix those items. So delighted you liked this. It was fun to write. Thank you kindly, mikey