haiku (shifting moonbeams stream)
Moon Haiku Promt entry90 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
Oooh. Spooky. I can visualize this. Word choices lend themselves to a slow ponderous beat. The repetition of the whispering s sound also gives ghostly feel. Congrats on your win, friend.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
Oooh. Spooky. I can visualize this. Word choices lend themselves to a slow ponderous beat. The repetition of the whispering s sound also gives ghostly feel. Congrats on your win, friend.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thanks, Spit. I finally pulled off a haiku win, I'm now on cloud ten (It's the big white fluffy one, just above cloud nine).
Thank you!
Comment from JB Lynn
I love the use of the word "twixt" because it's an older, archaic word which perfectly mimics the mood of an old cemetery with "ancient headstones". Congrats on the win, by the way - not that I'm surprised. Your work is always top shelf. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
I love the use of the word "twixt" because it's an older, archaic word which perfectly mimics the mood of an old cemetery with "ancient headstones". Congrats on the win, by the way - not that I'm surprised. Your work is always top shelf. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thank you, JB Lynn, and you wouldn't believe how many reviewers had never heard the word "twixt" before. Of course, as a huge Edgar Allen Poe fanatic, I have seen the word quite often. It just seemed to fit here so well.
Thanks again for your outstanding review.
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I have a feeling you're responsible for introducing quite a lot of people to many things they've never "seen" before. ;)
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Ha ha, yeah, you're probably right, hee-hee!
Comment from His Grayness
Sorry to be out of sixes but this one sure deserves them. I really found this to be powerful and gripping for a Haiku. It's a real challenge to get much emotion transferred in so few lines...but you've done it my friend! Great work! Vance
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
Sorry to be out of sixes but this one sure deserves them. I really found this to be powerful and gripping for a Haiku. It's a real challenge to get much emotion transferred in so few lines...but you've done it my friend! Great work! Vance
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thank you very much, Vance. As always, I truly appreciate your opinions and support of my meager efforts.
Comment from acerisestory
This is a wonderful haiku -- very descriptive! One hardly needs to use one's imagination. The alliteration is very nice: shifting, stream, spectral, silhouettes. The artwork complements the poem very nicely. Thanks for sharing your talent with us. Alana
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
This is a wonderful haiku -- very descriptive! One hardly needs to use one's imagination. The alliteration is very nice: shifting, stream, spectral, silhouettes. The artwork complements the poem very nicely. Thanks for sharing your talent with us. Alana
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thanks for reading the poem and reviewing it so favorably, Alana. I truly appreciate it!
Comment from Lulube
congratulations
I'm a little slow with my reviews as of late.
great word twixt need to look up for full definition though. Great imagery for this eerie setting.
good work
lulube
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
congratulations
I'm a little slow with my reviews as of late.
great word twixt need to look up for full definition though. Great imagery for this eerie setting.
good work
lulube
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Lulube. The word 'twixt is just an archaic, Old English word for between, if that helps you out any.
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that's what I got from the poem, just wasn't sure if I was on the right track or not. thxs for setting me straight Dean
lulube
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Hah, no worries. I appreciate the review.
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sorry I was not in time for the contest, but you didn't need me anyway lol
lulube
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Hey, I can always use you and appreciate the times you do manage to make it.
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Ahhhh now that's just being so sweetly said, I'll use you and glad when I can make it. lol lol
lulube seriously thxs for that
Comment from amada
Congratulation in winning the contest. I missed the opportunity to vote for this spectacular and ethereal work. Everything is perfect. The satori line, spectacular.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
Congratulation in winning the contest. I missed the opportunity to vote for this spectacular and ethereal work. Everything is perfect. The satori line, spectacular.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thank you, amada. I had lots of great suggestions on that line. I ended up changing it three times before the contest began.
Comment from Righteous Riter
shifting moonbeams stream
twixt crumbling ancient head stones
spectral silhouettes
Good complimentary photo. The syllable count is spot on. Good alliteration with shifting/stream...spectral/silhouettes. Clear message that is short and simple.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
shifting moonbeams stream
twixt crumbling ancient head stones
spectral silhouettes
Good complimentary photo. The syllable count is spot on. Good alliteration with shifting/stream...spectral/silhouettes. Clear message that is short and simple.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thanks, Righteous Riter. Short as haiku poetry format dictates, my brother.
Thanks for your encouraging review.
Comment from Ridley Williams
Hey Dean,
This place sounds like the cemetery down the road from us. Our town's only been hear since the 1850's, but there's old wooden markers that are unreadable and leave you wondering about there fate. Fascinating stuff! Well, for some of us, anyway, lol. Best of luck with your entry, later, Bill
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
Hey Dean,
This place sounds like the cemetery down the road from us. Our town's only been hear since the 1850's, but there's old wooden markers that are unreadable and leave you wondering about there fate. Fascinating stuff! Well, for some of us, anyway, lol. Best of luck with your entry, later, Bill
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thanks, Bill, and it is based on an actual ancient, unattended boneyard I frequent, just to sit awhile and reflect on things.
I appreciate the review, my friend.
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Hey Dean, let me also extend my congrat's on the win with that piece,(I don't know where my heads at these days, weeeee) Later, my friend, Bill
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Thanks, Bill. My mind isn't what it once once either, so I completely sympathize, LOL.
Comment from ravenblack
A haunting haiku from you? Who would've thunk it lol. Haunting and damn good. Just curious- have you ever visited haunted places or gone on a ghost hunt?
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
A haunting haiku from you? Who would've thunk it lol. Haunting and damn good. Just curious- have you ever visited haunted places or gone on a ghost hunt?
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Heh, heh, thanks for the review, ravenblack.
Yes, as a matter of fact, my whole family, including our seventeen-year old daughter, are avid spirit chasers. The last place we went was an old cemetery last Halloween, located near my wife's brothers home in Indiana, off county road 675. It's called 100 Steps Cemetery, and we took our spirit boxes, recorders and lasers out there to see what we could find.
You can check out the link below for more info.
http://www.angelfire.com/in/lottgreene/hallo100.html
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Did you get any evp's?
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Oh yeah...several!
The clearest, most chilling one was a young girl's voice, which asked us, "Why are we here?" Yeah, it said "we", as if it had joined us on our little adventure. I still have it, and if I ever need inspiration for a ghost story, all I have to do is listen to that pleading voice.
Comment from Alan K Pease
You have written your lines well through the many constraints of this form of Haiku. Good luck in the moon prompt writing haiku contest
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
You have written your lines well through the many constraints of this form of Haiku. Good luck in the moon prompt writing haiku contest
Comment Written 13-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2014
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Thanks for your kind review, Alan.