The Trining
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "A COUPLE OF MOMENTS OF TRUTH"A man must discover his identity and destiny.
18 total reviews
Comment from Fridayauthor
Very nice chapter. It's very detailed, but not boring and ends on a nice note. It makes the reader want to move on.
I found the first paragraph a tad confusing with the quotes from two parties without a break.
Very good work!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Very nice chapter. It's very detailed, but not boring and ends on a nice note. It makes the reader want to move on.
I found the first paragraph a tad confusing with the quotes from two parties without a break.
Very good work!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Ray, for reading and alerting me about the confusion. I can see how that might arise. I went in and changed that first paragraph. If you have a moment, can you check and see if it is anyhow clearer? I hope to have you back, Ray.
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It sounds much better, Jay. It's not at all confusing now.
Happy father's day, if you are one!
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Great! The importance of a paragraph break. I sure appreciate your help with that.
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Oh, I am one, four times over, and a grandfather of 9. Happy father's day to you as well.
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Four children, seven grand children and three great-greats!
We're both old fogies....
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I think you have two years on me. Yep, that qualifies us. Thank God the alphabet oozes out words that keep the brain greased!
Comment from dreamin'
Hi Jay,
I feel like I could ride a crossan, or even a horse, now. I liked your attention to details regarding that so it didn't appear that Doc became expert overnight. He's going to be one sore puppy in the morning, though. :)
the only correction I see is in this line:
"There (Their) crossans were ambling along..."
I'm not really clear on the exchange between Giln and Doc about 5 units vs 5 miles, with Doc remembering Klasco's advice. I'll go back a chapter and see if missed something.
The exchange:
"There's a nice place about five units ahead," said Giln,
I remembered Klasco's advice and repeated, "Five miles?"
Debbie
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Hi Jay,
I feel like I could ride a crossan, or even a horse, now. I liked your attention to details regarding that so it didn't appear that Doc became expert overnight. He's going to be one sore puppy in the morning, though. :)
the only correction I see is in this line:
"There (Their) crossans were ambling along..."
I'm not really clear on the exchange between Giln and Doc about 5 units vs 5 miles, with Doc remembering Klasco's advice. I'll go back a chapter and see if missed something.
The exchange:
"There's a nice place about five units ahead," said Giln,
I remembered Klasco's advice and repeated, "Five miles?"
Debbie
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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I know what you mean, Debbie, about the units vs. miles. Klasco had told him to learn to get comfortable about using the terms in his vocabulary, LEARNING TO DEVELOP FAITH THAT the other DOES understand it. Klasco told him to do it and watch the other for his response (so he can gain confidence that an internal translation is taking place). I'll go in and make that
correction. Those are the ones that embarrass me. I want them changed right away.
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Those are the ones that embarrass me. I want them changed right away. I know exactly what you mean! The things you caught is my story last night caused me embarrassment. I'm just glad we have each other to point these things out. I didn't hear a word from anyone else except they liked the story. Not one critique.
I do remember the conversation about having faith to understand, but I was concerned about him turning their language into his from units to miles. Wait, I just thought of something: He would convert units to miles, and when saying the miles,the others "hear" units. Did I just have an epiphany or a total brain fade? :)
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That's scary when you seem to understand what I don't fully understand. And it came from the sump-fudge of my mind! Don't ask.
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:)
Comment from poetbear
Like the flow and the feeling.
Interesting plot.
Very revealing characters with a great story.
Reads well and make sense.
Captures your attention,reader or writer or both.
Clever and I like it!!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Like the flow and the feeling.
Interesting plot.
Very revealing characters with a great story.
Reads well and make sense.
Captures your attention,reader or writer or both.
Clever and I like it!!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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I already answered this, Maddy. But, yours is so important a voice in my readership, that I want to say it again. Thank you for your input and don't go anywhere.
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You are so talented.
Jusy know you have a friend and an ally right here.
Hugs,
Maddy
Comment from Kausar_Javeria
Hello there~
I'm really glad you included the glossary of characters. makes it easier to follow the story.
BTW, awesome story! Really well-written and interesting~
God Bless~!
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Hello there~
I'm really glad you included the glossary of characters. makes it easier to follow the story.
BTW, awesome story! Really well-written and interesting~
God Bless~!
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Once again, thank you Javeria.
Comment from GracieAnn
Jay, thank you for listing the cast of characters. Very helpful in understanding the story line. Strong dialogue that is interesting and unique. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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Jay, thank you for listing the cast of characters. Very helpful in understanding the story line. Strong dialogue that is interesting and unique. Well done. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 15-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2014
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You are welcome, GracieAnn
Comment from c_lucas
It's a poor method of conversing when one has to declare his leadership. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2014
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It's a poor method of conversing when one has to declare his leadership. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a good read.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2014
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Thanks, Charlie. Yes it does make for an awkward Sunday ride on the ponies.
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You're welcome, Jay. Charlie
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
It has been an enjoyable part of the story to witness the interchange with the Crossan and it takes me back to my own experiences, learning to ride. Giddy
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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2014
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It has been an enjoyable part of the story to witness the interchange with the Crossan and it takes me back to my own experiences, learning to ride. Giddy
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2014
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That's good, Giddy. That means Google didn't let me down. I don't know which end of the horse to feed. I'm so happy you enjoyed it.
Comment from DanielEkine
I can't wait for this author to have their quality seal of approval. Written with remarkable eloquence. A pleasant read and presentation.
""Well, let's go," I said, making the sound through my teeth that I heard Klasco make; I led with the rein to the right. She pulled her head in that direction and her neck and body followed as she ambled off toward the road. "Easy, girl, that's my girl," I whispered. I heard the lazy clomping of hooves behind me." Klasco, hi. Smiles.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2014
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I can't wait for this author to have their quality seal of approval. Written with remarkable eloquence. A pleasant read and presentation.
""Well, let's go," I said, making the sound through my teeth that I heard Klasco make; I led with the rein to the right. She pulled her head in that direction and her neck and body followed as she ambled off toward the road. "Easy, girl, that's my girl," I whispered. I heard the lazy clomping of hooves behind me." Klasco, hi. Smiles.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2014
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Thank you, Daniel. And, thanks to Google! EVERYTHING that I learned about horses (and applied to crossans) I learned from Google research. I hope there is some authenticity.
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There is. Smiles...