A MAN
200 word journey17 total reviews
Comment from NicciFaye
Then they were naked, and covered in sweat as he pounded into them with wild abandonment.-->Very excellent description.
Jack was making himself immortal.-->Great thought here.
This was very well composed and written. I personally enjoyed the ending. A twist on this contest. I definetly enjoyed how you told this story. Many blessings in this contest.
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Then they were naked, and covered in sweat as he pounded into them with wild abandonment.-->Very excellent description.
Jack was making himself immortal.-->Great thought here.
This was very well composed and written. I personally enjoyed the ending. A twist on this contest. I definetly enjoyed how you told this story. Many blessings in this contest.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Dean Kuch
And why would he? Jack's little brother, I mean. Why would he want to be anything like the uncaring, unfeeling monster his big brother, Jack, had become? Sad, because I sensed his younger sibling really looked up to Jack, perhaps even respected him at some time.
But...not any more.
Good work, Lance, and good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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And why would he? Jack's little brother, I mean. Why would he want to be anything like the uncaring, unfeeling monster his big brother, Jack, had become? Sad, because I sensed his younger sibling really looked up to Jack, perhaps even respected him at some time.
But...not any more.
Good work, Lance, and good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much.
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You're very welcome.
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, lancellot.
This is a well-written strong story. You described a man I'd label as an ass. He used women as disposable orifices shunned to the curb like rubbish. Your last paragraph is great especially the last words, "I want to be a man."
Well done. Best of luck in the contest.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Hi, lancellot.
This is a well-written strong story. You described a man I'd label as an ass. He used women as disposable orifices shunned to the curb like rubbish. Your last paragraph is great especially the last words, "I want to be a man."
Well done. Best of luck in the contest.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Michaelk
Good story. I absolutely loved the moral. Well told to make a character so despicable in so few words. I love the continuity between the first line and the last. This boy is quite mature for his age and had the advantage of learning life lessons from watching others mistakes. Having read your contest entry, I'm afraid for mine. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Good story. I absolutely loved the moral. Well told to make a character so despicable in so few words. I love the continuity between the first line and the last. This boy is quite mature for his age and had the advantage of learning life lessons from watching others mistakes. Having read your contest entry, I'm afraid for mine. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from Twilightspire
A creative take on this contest. You hit on exactly what a flash fiction should be, a full story in as little words as possible.
I like how you presented them in positions. It gave the story continuity.
You have a real knack for making a protagonist that no one really likes, but are colorful enough to shoulder the tale.
I liked this story because it was amazingly descriptive for a flash fiction. Most writers can't seem to balance that out well, but you did an excellent job of it.
Great read, my friend and good luck in the contest.
-T.J.
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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A creative take on this contest. You hit on exactly what a flash fiction should be, a full story in as little words as possible.
I like how you presented them in positions. It gave the story continuity.
You have a real knack for making a protagonist that no one really likes, but are colorful enough to shoulder the tale.
I liked this story because it was amazingly descriptive for a flash fiction. Most writers can't seem to balance that out well, but you did an excellent job of it.
Great read, my friend and good luck in the contest.
-T.J.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much. I appreciate the great review and the fact that you did not call Jack an abuser like so many others. He was trashy to be sure.
Jw
Comment from GWHARGIS
I love the character study in this. It wasn't about Jack but the narrator. Great intensity in such a short piece. Nicely done.
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reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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I love the character study in this. It wasn't about Jack but the narrator. Great intensity in such a short piece. Nicely done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from TamzinWhite
OMG. You have captured a new generation. I hear so many people talk about these things, daily, that it is becoming normal. I like the words you have given the girl's expression, it captures the morality of your story well. Very well written.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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OMG. You have captured a new generation. I hear so many people talk about these things, daily, that it is becoming normal. I like the words you have given the girl's expression, it captures the morality of your story well. Very well written.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-May-2014
reply by the author on 10-May-2014
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Thank you very much.