The Heart of Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Living Faith"'Tis not the Bard, but pretty good poetry anyway
26 total reviews
Comment from Sagnik Das
An immensely potent & REMARKABLE opening, fraught in ephemeral connotations (over the vitality of devotion -- Humility -- if I may {just a perspective}), with an array of adeptly woven monorhymes & a well-executed refrain --
"Pure in heart oh let me be
Loving, kind dear Lord like Thee" -- very evocative & EXPRESSIVE, both in terms of narrative (when read aloud), as well as an intricately descriptive theme. It has sublime Emily Bronte-styled overtones & an almost Saintly passion for attaining Divinity, absolute & perfect.
I adore the robust undertone of optimism that characterizes this HAUNTING extravaganza; the reader shall inevitably be struck deep within by such meticulous attentiveness imparted in the divulgence of your thoughts. Your comparison of the realm of Faith to a bumblebee (the indirect symbolism) was VERY subtle, & brought a beaming radiance to my countenance.
And, ah! you improvised STUPENDOUSLY when it came to the cleverness of perpetual rhyming [marked by regular reiteration of 'e' phonetics]]... the most daunting task for a poet to attain (let afar an impeccable execution!) & believe me, Carolyn, when I depose you have done both! Brilliant!
However, there are aspects whereupon I believe, you can excel further. The issue persists mostly with meter (it's inflexibility at certain places), noted below with suggestive edits for your consideration :)
I observe your 1st para to have been entirely composed on an admixture of 8 & 9-syllabled cadences. Now, with that metrical arrangement in mind, the following lines in the 2nd stanza make me trip a bit:--
" Falling humbly upon my knee " -- here the unnatural stress on 'upon' affects the narrative flow much, & for me, there the rhythm falters.
*Suggestion: How about taking 'upon' off & replacing it simply with 'on' instead? :--
"Falling humbly on my knee" -- see, here you can entirely evade the unnatural rhythm & yet preserve the depth of your expression to the fullest. Hence, there you are! --all fixed & polished! :)
Lastly, a couple of minute suggestions:
In the expression 'From temptations lure oh let me flee', add an apostrophe (temptation's) and, similarly:
In "Unlock my soul with loves pure key", include the apostrophe after 'love' (love's)...
That is all, my dear friend -- as for the rest, you know you are the Master. :)
Wonderfully done!
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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An immensely potent & REMARKABLE opening, fraught in ephemeral connotations (over the vitality of devotion -- Humility -- if I may {just a perspective}), with an array of adeptly woven monorhymes & a well-executed refrain --
"Pure in heart oh let me be
Loving, kind dear Lord like Thee" -- very evocative & EXPRESSIVE, both in terms of narrative (when read aloud), as well as an intricately descriptive theme. It has sublime Emily Bronte-styled overtones & an almost Saintly passion for attaining Divinity, absolute & perfect.
I adore the robust undertone of optimism that characterizes this HAUNTING extravaganza; the reader shall inevitably be struck deep within by such meticulous attentiveness imparted in the divulgence of your thoughts. Your comparison of the realm of Faith to a bumblebee (the indirect symbolism) was VERY subtle, & brought a beaming radiance to my countenance.
And, ah! you improvised STUPENDOUSLY when it came to the cleverness of perpetual rhyming [marked by regular reiteration of 'e' phonetics]]... the most daunting task for a poet to attain (let afar an impeccable execution!) & believe me, Carolyn, when I depose you have done both! Brilliant!
However, there are aspects whereupon I believe, you can excel further. The issue persists mostly with meter (it's inflexibility at certain places), noted below with suggestive edits for your consideration :)
I observe your 1st para to have been entirely composed on an admixture of 8 & 9-syllabled cadences. Now, with that metrical arrangement in mind, the following lines in the 2nd stanza make me trip a bit:--
" Falling humbly upon my knee " -- here the unnatural stress on 'upon' affects the narrative flow much, & for me, there the rhythm falters.
*Suggestion: How about taking 'upon' off & replacing it simply with 'on' instead? :--
"Falling humbly on my knee" -- see, here you can entirely evade the unnatural rhythm & yet preserve the depth of your expression to the fullest. Hence, there you are! --all fixed & polished! :)
Lastly, a couple of minute suggestions:
In the expression 'From temptations lure oh let me flee', add an apostrophe (temptation's) and, similarly:
In "Unlock my soul with loves pure key", include the apostrophe after 'love' (love's)...
That is all, my dear friend -- as for the rest, you know you are the Master. :)
Wonderfully done!
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Sagnik, Thank you dear friend for such a wonderful review and much appreciated edits. I will take care of all three areas immediately. It is so good to know that you are present with us again. Glad you enjoyed Living Faith. My best to you and your family, :-) Carolyn
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Carolyn, I revisited just now, & guess what? -- IT IS OUTSTANDING!!! :D
Comment from angelface2
What a lovely poem, my dear. Love the picture of the bumble bee. A miracle in itself. He does fly! The rhythm is a little off, but the poem is very lovely. Miss Sally
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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What a lovely poem, my dear. Love the picture of the bumble bee. A miracle in itself. He does fly! The rhythm is a little off, but the poem is very lovely. Miss Sally
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thanks Miss Sally, I am fixing that rhythm... :-) I am happy you liked the poem. :-) Carolyn
Comment from krys123
Your continuous rhyming in each verse was done very well and neither of all your rhymes were forced, labored or strained.
The poem is very inspirational and religiously spectacular how you intertwined the the bumblebees capabilities of flying to faith in the Lord. They even though it's may seem impossible it is so true. Thank you for sharing this with others including myself. May you have a good one and God bless.
Alex
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Your continuous rhyming in each verse was done very well and neither of all your rhymes were forced, labored or strained.
The poem is very inspirational and religiously spectacular how you intertwined the the bumblebees capabilities of flying to faith in the Lord. They even though it's may seem impossible it is so true. Thank you for sharing this with others including myself. May you have a good one and God bless.
Alex
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thank you Alex for this awesome review of Living Faith. You are always such an encouragement to me. :-) Carolyn
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You are so welcome Carolyn
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very wel written, carolyn, you did an excellent job writing this monorhyme poem about the faith that is essential to life. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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this is very wel written, carolyn, you did an excellent job writing this monorhyme poem about the faith that is essential to life. i enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thanks for the comments, rating and best wishes. :-) Carolyn
Comment from Gungalo
Hand in hand I'll walk with Thee
Until one day Thy face I'll see
Forever blessed tranquility
Faith without end eternally
Just beautiful Caroline, just beautiful. Your quatrains show an apt ability to poetry girl. Wonderful words choices and imagery.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Hand in hand I'll walk with Thee
Until one day Thy face I'll see
Forever blessed tranquility
Faith without end eternally
Just beautiful Caroline, just beautiful. Your quatrains show an apt ability to poetry girl. Wonderful words choices and imagery.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thank you Pam, I appreciate your wonderful remarks and compliment. :-) Carolyn
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Smiling Carolyn.
Comment from Cajungirl
What a beautiful and heartfelt message in your faith poem contest entry. The poem flows well and makes a wonderful nightly prayer. Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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What a beautiful and heartfelt message in your faith poem contest entry. The poem flows well and makes a wonderful nightly prayer. Thank you for sharing and best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thank you for your generous rating and wonderful comments. :-) Carolyn
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U R welcome
Comment from Tomes Johnston
This is a beautiful poem from the author in this post. It would be great if everybody took this to their hearts. The world would be a lot more loving and forgiving place to live if that were the case.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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This is a beautiful poem from the author in this post. It would be great if everybody took this to their hearts. The world would be a lot more loving and forgiving place to live if that were the case.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Thanks Tomes for this wonderful review. :-) Carolyn
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My pleasure.
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
This is a beautiful prayer for grace and inspires the reader with happiness and hope. You have certainly done the contest requirements justice and I think this will be a strong contender for top honors. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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This is a beautiful prayer for grace and inspires the reader with happiness and hope. You have certainly done the contest requirements justice and I think this will be a strong contender for top honors. I wish you all the best in the judging and thank you so much for sharing this with me.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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I appreciate your awesome comments, best wishes and rating. I am so glad you enjoyed Living Faith. :-) Carolyn
Comment from MizKat
Hi Carolyn,
Your poem is absolutely wonderful and well written. The picture you took in your front yard is beautiful too. You did a top notch job all the way around. Bravo!!!
Kat
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Hi Carolyn,
Your poem is absolutely wonderful and well written. The picture you took in your front yard is beautiful too. You did a top notch job all the way around. Bravo!!!
Kat
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Smile... thanks Kat for this awesome review. :-) Carolyn
Comment from Benny Beeharry
Hi Carolyn
Well this is a great writing ,full of love for The Lord and of faith. You prayers will surely be answered. I dearly wish a lot of people read and benefit from it.
Benny Beeharry
Incidentally how is the snow there.
Everything was so quiet on the FANStory.
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Hi Carolyn
Well this is a great writing ,full of love for The Lord and of faith. You prayers will surely be answered. I dearly wish a lot of people read and benefit from it.
Benny Beeharry
Incidentally how is the snow there.
Everything was so quiet on the FANStory.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 14-Jan-2014
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Hi there, first of all thank you Benny for the wonderful review. It always means a lot to me to know that you enjoyed a poem. Secondly, the snow has finally melted, except in areas where it was plowed and piled so high. We have had a few days in the 40's.. Bring on the flowers and Bumblebees :-) Carolyn
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Thank you so much.
Glad to hear that the snow has melted.
I wonder if you could read my last poem The permanent and the Impermanent. I always treasure comments from you.
Thank you.
Benny Beeharry