Nina Kitten Leaves The Farm
Nina decides no one likes her and runs away16 total reviews
Comment from barkingdog
Another successful rescue for our hero. Poor little Nina kitty did get herself into a bad situation. I'm glad that she and Gabriel are friends and have no hard feelings. I could see her taking her toy and leaving. Very visual.
-bad dogs[,] so she kept going.
-to be quiet[,] and the dogs
-He had been wrong to wait.[You said 'waiting by the gate' in the previous sentence, and at first, I thought you were referring to him waiting by the gate.]
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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Another successful rescue for our hero. Poor little Nina kitty did get herself into a bad situation. I'm glad that she and Gabriel are friends and have no hard feelings. I could see her taking her toy and leaving. Very visual.
-bad dogs[,] so she kept going.
-to be quiet[,] and the dogs
-He had been wrong to wait.[You said 'waiting by the gate' in the previous sentence, and at first, I thought you were referring to him waiting by the gate.]
Comment Written 03-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much for the great review, I'll look at that sentence again and see how to reword it so it's clearer. Thanks so much!
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You're welcome. It was only a momentary pause.
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I change it as I wasn't sure about that line anyway. I should go with my gut when something does flow right with me. Have to learn to do that. Thanks again.
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I like your change.:) The gut is always right. LOL
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Thanks. =}
Comment from Writingfundimension
What a delightful ending, Rox. I'm so glad that Nina escaped the dogs and got returned to her family. The kitty picture was a nice accompaniment to the your story of tolerance and honesty. Hugs, Bev
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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What a delightful ending, Rox. I'm so glad that Nina escaped the dogs and got returned to her family. The kitty picture was a nice accompaniment to the your story of tolerance and honesty. Hugs, Bev
Comment Written 03-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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Thank you Bev.
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You bet, Rox. xx Bev
Comment from Pierre Francis
A charming tale that little kids would surely love. I have just a couple of points:
a) Mrs Farmer is spelt wrong when first mentioned
b)overly could be replaced with something simpler
c)while the dog sat barking below.
d)"Bad dogs," Nina said, feeling safe with Super Pig.
The story flows well, it has drama, a happy ending, and a message about love and friendship. If you're planning on doing a lot of fiction, make full use of MS Word's features for checking things like consistency in spelling. And best of luck with your book.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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A charming tale that little kids would surely love. I have just a couple of points:
a) Mrs Farmer is spelt wrong when first mentioned
b)overly could be replaced with something simpler
c)while the dog sat barking below.
d)"Bad dogs," Nina said, feeling safe with Super Pig.
The story flows well, it has drama, a happy ending, and a message about love and friendship. If you're planning on doing a lot of fiction, make full use of MS Word's features for checking things like consistency in spelling. And best of luck with your book.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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I read these over a million times, thank you so much for catching these. I rewrote some of it, to simplify it a bit. Thanks so much for taking the time to read and correct. =]
Comment from Supe
Hi. I am giving you five stars because I like the story and the dialogue, etc. is very apt for children. I just finished two college courses for writing for children, and I think you did really, really well. It sounds just like kids wanting to read this. I did see a few editing issues. I read up on how to review and if you needed changes, you should score a Good. I did that once, and was really chastised for it. So, that being said, you get a five but I will point out a couple of things. I want to do this right.
I'm going to find a new home," needs a comma
Nina, come have your dinner." She .....I think it would sound better.
He saw Nina's favorite squeaky toy
He wants you to come home too," Super Pig assured her.
feeling safe with Super Pig.
I am going to let my grandsons read this. They will like it. Good luck with your book. You are way ahead of me.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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Hi. I am giving you five stars because I like the story and the dialogue, etc. is very apt for children. I just finished two college courses for writing for children, and I think you did really, really well. It sounds just like kids wanting to read this. I did see a few editing issues. I read up on how to review and if you needed changes, you should score a Good. I did that once, and was really chastised for it. So, that being said, you get a five but I will point out a couple of things. I want to do this right.
I'm going to find a new home," needs a comma
Nina, come have your dinner." She .....I think it would sound better.
He saw Nina's favorite squeaky toy
He wants you to come home too," Super Pig assured her.
feeling safe with Super Pig.
I am going to let my grandsons read this. They will like it. Good luck with your book. You are way ahead of me.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much for taking all that time to do the corrections. I did go and fix these and changed a few more while I was at it. I know how upset people get over 4 stars, but it doesn't mean the work isn't good, just needs work. That's why we belong to this site, I think anyway. =} I got in trouble for 4 stars too. Not everything is 'excellent'. Many they need a "better" or something. =} Thank you so much for the great review. I'm thrilled to hear you say I did well. VERY ENCOURAGING. Even with boo, boos. =} Thanks so much, I hope your grandsons enjoy it. Let me know if you remember. Kids reviews are the best. =}
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They will be here tomorrow and if I will leave myself a note. They love to read, in fact the 10 year old reads my stories and if he doesn't understand something I change it.
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Great way to proof your writing. I would send all mine to a friend who had a super active 5yr old. Thought if he would sit still and listen, without pics, I would concider publishing. She called me one day and said, "I am so sick of Super Pig!" He made her read them over and over and that was the best review I could ever get. =}
Comment from Righteous Riter
The writer does a good job of targeting the intended audience. From the words selected to the storyline this story is good. The names of the characters, the message as well as the ending is suitable for children.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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The writer does a good job of targeting the intended audience. From the words selected to the storyline this story is good. The names of the characters, the message as well as the ending is suitable for children.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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Thanks so much.
Comment from Mrs Happy Poet
Yes my friend I enjoyed this story again you have done really well bringing the characters to life in such a way the children will love it well done my friend regards Jill
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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Yes my friend I enjoyed this story again you have done really well bringing the characters to life in such a way the children will love it well done my friend regards Jill
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2013
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2013
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Thanks you friend. How is Erick's pain?
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ericks pain is really bad my friend and someone stole his pain pills when they broke into his house ... jill
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yes he told me they had been stolen, how awful. Poor man, so sorry. Will keep praying.