Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "ILAKA MOON"Murder Mystery
55 total reviews
Comment from GRCwriter
Very well done, the tempo was just right and the images had just enough detail to draw the reader in without overwhelming the reader.
I read Audrey Rose and the Exorcist when I was in my early teens (not recommenced for a fourteen year old) and I can see this piece heading towards similar heights.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
  |
Very well done, the tempo was just right and the images had just enough detail to draw the reader in without overwhelming the reader.
I read Audrey Rose and the Exorcist when I was in my early teens (not recommenced for a fourteen year old) and I can see this piece heading towards similar heights.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
-
I remember reading the excorcist literally through the night with the lights on! And I've seen the movie version of Audrey Rose. That's kind of cool that we have that in common.
Thanks for the great review!
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Glasstruth
What a great chapter. Full of interesting characters, tension and superb dialogue. You keep it moving right along with Marsha's anxiety and creepy Eddie. Great write! Les
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
|
What a great chapter. Full of interesting characters, tension and superb dialogue. You keep it moving right along with Marsha's anxiety and creepy Eddie. Great write! Les
Comment Written 06-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
-
Hi, Les. Thank you so much for your gracious and generous review. I appreciate you choosing to read my chapter! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Cornelius2000
What an intriguing chapter. You've created really interesting characters in Eddie and Marsha, and set up expectations of future confrontations. I'm looking foward to see what happens. Well done.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
|
What an intriguing chapter. You've created really interesting characters in Eddie and Marsha, and set up expectations of future confrontations. I'm looking foward to see what happens. Well done.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
-
Thank you so much for this generous and gracious review. I really appreciate it! Bev
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Is Eddie the serial killer. I am betting so.
she'd worked up more sweat during menopause than she ever had in the bedroom. (LOL)
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
|
Is Eddie the serial killer. I am betting so.
she'd worked up more sweat during menopause than she ever had in the bedroom. (LOL)
Comment Written 06-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
-
Yes, he's one of the killers. Thanks for the great review -- glad you liked that line! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from callihoney
An excellent, building drama. I enjoyed following the nurse on her visit. There is good tension, and it makes you thirst to know more about the characters.
In paragraph 11, I would add the helping verb "had" to studied, to clarify the tense.
Also I would question the use of "backside" in the opening paragraph, in favor of a less abrasive term. The harshness of the description made it harder to connect with the character initially, until I saw her in action.
I look forward to reading more of the tale!
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
|
An excellent, building drama. I enjoyed following the nurse on her visit. There is good tension, and it makes you thirst to know more about the characters.
In paragraph 11, I would add the helping verb "had" to studied, to clarify the tense.
Also I would question the use of "backside" in the opening paragraph, in favor of a less abrasive term. The harshness of the description made it harder to connect with the character initially, until I saw her in action.
I look forward to reading more of the tale!
Comment Written 06-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
-
Thank you so much for this very generous review, callihoney. I really appreciate you choosing to read!
Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Gladness
This chills you to the bone. I don't usually read this genre, but glad I gave this a try. It is well written with meaningful details and good dialog. Found just one typo:
"black voids in the middle of a white pools."
Interesting author note. I see you've done your homework.
Anita
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
|
This chills you to the bone. I don't usually read this genre, but glad I gave this a try. It is well written with meaningful details and good dialog. Found just one typo:
"black voids in the middle of a white pools."
Interesting author note. I see you've done your homework.
Anita
Comment Written 06-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
-
Thank you so much, Anita. I really appreciate your sharp eye and generous review. Yes, I have an extensive library on the subject of possession. Thank you for noticing!
Warm regards, Bev
Comment from mumsyone
This is a great chapter, Bev, so filled with good description and dialogue. I like the way it moves along without giving unneeded and boring details.
Curiosity piqued,(;) she talked with both women by phone.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
|
This is a great chapter, Bev, so filled with good description and dialogue. I like the way it moves along without giving unneeded and boring details.
Curiosity piqued,(;) she talked with both women by phone.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
-
Hi, Lois. Thank you for stopping by to read, and edit, my chapter booboo's. I'll be sure to get that changed. I do apprecite your generosity and support! Hugs, Bev
Comment from Jean Lutz
Must admit clicking on to this one because of the title. I am currently reading up on the moon for something I am considering writing. Although I have jumped into the story some 19 chapters late, just this one sample leaves me begging for more. Will be recommending it for reading by others. Chilling read that although fiction captures present darkness. Very well done.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
 |
Must admit clicking on to this one because of the title. I am currently reading up on the moon for something I am considering writing. Although I have jumped into the story some 19 chapters late, just this one sample leaves me begging for more. Will be recommending it for reading by others. Chilling read that although fiction captures present darkness. Very well done.
Comment Written 06-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
-
Jean, I am so appreciative of your awesome review. Thank you for your kind words of support. I know there's a lot of great writing on the site, so I am especially grateful for you taking time to read my chapter.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Soledadpaz
Love that opening paragraph! Well, I'm sorry I'm coming into this excellent tale so late. Wonderfully descriptive writing. You have the nursing aspect just right. That was one eerie conversation they had about dragon's blood.
Sol
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
|
Love that opening paragraph! Well, I'm sorry I'm coming into this excellent tale so late. Wonderfully descriptive writing. You have the nursing aspect just right. That was one eerie conversation they had about dragon's blood.
Sol
Comment Written 06-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
-
Thanks so much for this awesomely generous review, Sol. I worked for a surgeon for many years, so I have had some experience in the medical field. Thank you for connecting with my story and your words of support. Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Connie C
I couldn't stop reading this once I started--you have such a knack for keeping the story moving. This particular chapter is one of my favorites so far, Bev. You've done such a great job of making Eddie seem pretty creepy, and I could really feel the uncertainty or anxiety that Marsha felt as she walked into the house to examine the woman. And the part about the rosary beads really helps to start fitting things together. And, by the way, I found not one single SPAG! Great job, dear friend.
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
|
I couldn't stop reading this once I started--you have such a knack for keeping the story moving. This particular chapter is one of my favorites so far, Bev. You've done such a great job of making Eddie seem pretty creepy, and I could really feel the uncertainty or anxiety that Marsha felt as she walked into the house to examine the woman. And the part about the rosary beads really helps to start fitting things together. And, by the way, I found not one single SPAG! Great job, dear friend.
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 06-Oct-2012
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2012
-
Oh, Connie, thank you so much for this awesome review. I struggled to get this chapter out. So, it's great to know that you enjoyed it. Thought it was time we got to know Mr. Eddie a little better. Believe it or not, he's going to get even creepier.
I so appreciate your generosity and support, my friend.
Hugs, Bev