Comment from kiwisteveh

Excellent

A spoiled child from New Zealand? No such thing, surely!

One little nit - you are in past tense for almost all of this, but the present tense creeps in, in a couple of places - line 3 and lines 13-14... Maybe a little tinkering could fix this so it's all either one or the other?

I'm also wondering whether Priscilla could be Prigsley rather than Pigsley - it adds to the alliteration and also gives an extra element of meaning - makes her a prig, rather than a pig which she doesn't seem to be.

Apart from that, it's lovely - the lines bounce along as usual and keeping the 'spoiled' line as a descender in each stanza is a good idea too.

Steve

 Comment Written 19-May-2017

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reply by the author on 20-May-2017

Hi Steve. Love your comments as usual. I thought I all my tenses had agreed to work together in this, but have gone back and realized that I was remiss. The piece, I think, has been properly tinkered now. I did, and still do want the last stanza to be present tense, indicating the result of all the spoiling, rather than a continuation of the underlying theme of what her parents had done to her. I do love the quaturn form and I appreciate your noting the refrain line in particular. - Wendy

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

A-w-w-wwww, shucks, Wendy. I wouldn't want to play with Priscilla Pigsley either.
She's one'a those kids who always expects you to share all of your stuff with her, but she's never willing to do the same.
Great children's fare, coupled with wonderful rhyming and a snappy cadence, made this a delight to read.
Well done.~Dean

 Comment Written 19-May-2017

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reply by the author on 19-May-2017

Hi Dean. I wrote this back in 2012, but felt it was a good fit with the other Alphabet Kids (well, except for that not playing well with others thing) and so I slipped it into the book as Pp. Glad you enjoyed it. - Wendy

reply by Dean Kuch on 19-May-2017

You're very welcome.
~Dean

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Sounds a little like my sweet granddaughter, she's adored bu has her moments, gives her mum a hard time, but not her Nan, teacher or indeed me. Beautifully written entry to this contest Wendy, the narrative is articulate, nicely rhymed in abcb and in smooth iambic tetrameter is a lovely, quirky poem, well done, good luck, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 19-May-2017

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reply by the author on 19-May-2017

Thanks for the read and review Roy. This was written in 2012, but seemed like a perfect fit to slide into the Book. New artwork, a bit of a spag check and off she went. She didn't win the contest, and spent hours stamping her feet and having a hissy fit. - Wendy

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

the poor little girl! She is a great example of the problems in parenting that exist today. As always, your P is presented and structured well. This one has a nice rhythm AND teaches a lesson. Thank you for sharing,
~patty~

 Comment Written 19-May-2017

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reply by the author on 19-May-2017

Thanks for giving it a Patty peek and a thoughtful review. - Wendy

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Very well done rose. Perfect rhythm and rhyme and by George I think you've got it. It's a great poem for small children, especially with that mean looking girl. :-| All the best to you in the contest.

 Comment Written 23-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 23-Sep-2012

Thank you so much for the read and review. It is rewarding to have someone notice the work that goes into consistency of rhythm and finding the perfect, not "near," rhyme. That is especially true, as in your case, when I admire the work of the reviewer. I appreciate the stars too. By the way, my name is actually Wendy. My Bed and Breakfast, which I have been neglecting terribly in order to write, is Rose Hill-- so I used it for my site name to remind me what I am supposed to be doing. ; )

Comment from writingdream7

Excellent

You did a great job writing this poem... I like the end with the slinky... Good luck in the contest. Thanks for sharing..... :)

 Comment Written 22-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012

Thank you for the Read and review. At first I was afraid that Slinky was too old fashioned but my daughter said they were still popular. Whew, there weren't that many exact rhymes for spoiled and I refuse to cheat with what they call "Near Rhymes." Just lazy rhymes if you ask me. So, now I'll get off my soapbox and thank you for the stars too.

Comment from chasdflynn

Excellent

Priscilla was a spoilt child for sure. It is a good poem and good entry. I like the way it ryhmes and flows smoothly. Good luck.

 Comment Written 22-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012

Thank you so much for taking the time to R & R my words. It is rewarding to have someone note the work that goes into exact rhymes and a consistent rhythm. Thanks for the stars too!

Comment from Viji Srinath

Excellent

I love the flow of the poem.I could totally connect to the feelings of Priscilla. Indeed she is a poor little thing who fought for attention.

 Comment Written 22-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review my words.

Comment from Earl of Oxford

Excellent

Thanks very much for entering, Wendy.

Blimey, that Priscilla DOES look spoiled in the picture. Fun made up name on 'Presley' too.

It's aleways a treat to read properly metered poetry - there's far too little of it on here, IMO, though many readers/writers don't seem to appreciate or understand it.

Top entry that deserves to do well.

Good luck and best wishes, Ray

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012

Thanks for jumping in the contest game again. You do seem to attract some of the better writers on the site which makes me want to enter. Then I know that I have a chance of getting reviews have some weight. Children's poetry is what I do, and you have thought up very clever ideas to write to. My well was pretty dry so I thank you for the hydration. I do agree with you on the meter. I have even had some people try to tell me that I had it wrong and sent me fixes that were so bizarre I was left stunned. Some of them had you twisting your mouth and tongue into a pretzel to try and get the beats right. Some only go by accents and forget how many there need to be. And when I look at some of the contest winners, a lot of the voters don't care either. It can't be that hard, can it?

reply by Earl of Oxford on 21-Sep-2012

I don't think many are bothered to write in meter. Maybe they have a point when you see some of the glowing reviews of un-metered rubbish and forced rhymes that my friggin dead pet totroise could write. x

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Very good, Wendy! Great picture too! Parents who spoil their kids actually harm them, as you point out here so clearly. THey think they are "being good" to them... just the opposite.

 Comment Written 21-Sep-2012

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reply by the author on 21-Sep-2012

Thank you for the read and review. I did have fun with this. Children's poetry is where I started and where the bulk of my work is, so it is fun to have someone else think up the plots for me. I had plum run out of steam in that regard! Thanks for the stars too.