Steve's Poems for Kids
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Marshmallow and Pumpkin"A collection of my children's poems
21 total reviews
Comment from dmt1967
This is a good poem full of nonsense I love it very well written and nicely portrayed thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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This is a good poem full of nonsense I love it very well written and nicely portrayed thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest
Comment Written 23-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Thank you - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from rama devi
Outstanding, Steve - this is a strong contender for my vote because it manages to make nonsense sound musical and it is so very creative, clever and amusing. I LOVe all your fantastic fresh rhymes - too many to list here - they're all fun!
Favorite stanzas-
So the unlikely pair made a pledge then and there
That the mufficle henchmen they'd seek.
They purchased a battery, oiled it with flattery
And practised each day for a week.
And
"I see by your cheek we've been sailing a week,"
Said the captain (who was also a barber).
"It behoves me to say, if we go on this way,
We will soon make it out of the harbour."
I applaud the extremely well timed internal rhyming-this is delightful to read aloud. Fun made up words too.
The presentation is good as well.
The spelling seems to be UK or AU?
best wishes in the contest.
Chuckling,
rd
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Outstanding, Steve - this is a strong contender for my vote because it manages to make nonsense sound musical and it is so very creative, clever and amusing. I LOVe all your fantastic fresh rhymes - too many to list here - they're all fun!
Favorite stanzas-
So the unlikely pair made a pledge then and there
That the mufficle henchmen they'd seek.
They purchased a battery, oiled it with flattery
And practised each day for a week.
And
"I see by your cheek we've been sailing a week,"
Said the captain (who was also a barber).
"It behoves me to say, if we go on this way,
We will soon make it out of the harbour."
I applaud the extremely well timed internal rhyming-this is delightful to read aloud. Fun made up words too.
The presentation is good as well.
The spelling seems to be UK or AU?
best wishes in the contest.
Chuckling,
rd
Comment Written 23-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Thanks, Rama - do you know Lewis Carroll's Hunting of the Snark - definitely the masterpiece of this genre as far as I'm concerned, and I tried to inject a little of that flavour (NZ spelling) here - not faring too well in the booth however. :o(
Steve
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Haven't read that - thanks for mentioning. I think you did a fantastic job! Warmly, rd
Comment from Quire's Gal
Wow! You have certainly been creative with your nonsense words. I can tell you put a tremendous amount of work into this poem Steve. Dr Seuss would be proud as you have seemed to create a whole new language!
You used highly innovative end and internal rhymes with an excellent rhythm throughout although it seemed a bit confusing at times.
Best wishes in the contest and I hope you will write more poems like this!
Cheers and smiles,
Katherine
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Wow! You have certainly been creative with your nonsense words. I can tell you put a tremendous amount of work into this poem Steve. Dr Seuss would be proud as you have seemed to create a whole new language!
You used highly innovative end and internal rhymes with an excellent rhythm throughout although it seemed a bit confusing at times.
Best wishes in the contest and I hope you will write more poems like this!
Cheers and smiles,
Katherine
Comment Written 23-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Thank you, Katherine. I thought yours was one of the more genuine nonsense poems here, but we have both been well beaten by the power of brooke's pen...
Steve
Comment from adewpearl
fun alliterative made-up words like grimulous grobsters make for good nonsense humor
excellent use of alternate-line rhyme and good steady meter make for a fun read aloud
excellent alliteration and constructed words throughout
Good humor
excellent internal rhyme
Well done with the nonsense poem, Steve :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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fun alliterative made-up words like grimulous grobsters make for good nonsense humor
excellent use of alternate-line rhyme and good steady meter make for a fun read aloud
excellent alliteration and constructed words throughout
Good humor
excellent internal rhyme
Well done with the nonsense poem, Steve :-) Brooke
Comment Written 23-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Thank you for the kind words and the detailed review.
Steve
Comment from dragonpoet
This uses all the aspects of the contest. A plethora of made of words and end and internal rhyme. It is great how two really soft and weak personified beings row off to save their world giving the idea that anyone can do something important.
Good luck and keep writing.
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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This uses all the aspects of the contest. A plethora of made of words and end and internal rhyme. It is great how two really soft and weak personified beings row off to save their world giving the idea that anyone can do something important.
Good luck and keep writing.
dragonpoet
Comment Written 23-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Thanks for the toughtful review and the best wishes - seems I will need more than that!
Steve
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You're welcome. I often feel the same way. But we both have to be more positive in our attitude.
Joan
Comment from juliedickson55
It took awhile for me to find the reference to a boat in your poem, but the graphic is cleverly used. I almost expected to see the marshmallow and pumpkin peeking over the side!
Nonsensical words abound in this poem- many twist the tongue around, and lead the reader on a merry ride on the waves of foam!
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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It took awhile for me to find the reference to a boat in your poem, but the graphic is cleverly used. I almost expected to see the marshmallow and pumpkin peeking over the side!
Nonsensical words abound in this poem- many twist the tongue around, and lead the reader on a merry ride on the waves of foam!
Comment Written 23-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Thank you - saved me having to explain what a coracle is. I did think of tweaking the graphic to make it fit, but I didn't have time....
Steve
Comment from Earl of Oxford
You've obviously spent a lot of time on this one, Steve, and your efforts have been worthwhile in presenting lots of new and fun words - ideal for the contest.
A bit long for me, but your humour, very subtle in places, and also deeper meanings than at 1st meet the eye, kept me interested.
Certainly deserves to contend strongly.
Good luck and best wishes.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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You've obviously spent a lot of time on this one, Steve, and your efforts have been worthwhile in presenting lots of new and fun words - ideal for the contest.
A bit long for me, but your humour, very subtle in places, and also deeper meanings than at 1st meet the eye, kept me interested.
Certainly deserves to contend strongly.
Good luck and best wishes.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Thank you - I think we have both been beaten by the power of Brooke's pen in this one.
Steve
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Yep - surprise, surprise!
I can't read it as she's muted me. but I assume it's something to do with flowers or fairies, as usual.
MEEOW! LOL x
Comment from humpwhistle
Ah, Steve, as nonsensical as this sounds, I believe
there is a real story here.
I particularly like 'some leeks aand a bucket of Jell-O.'
Of course, Twas blillig and the slivey toves...'
jumped right to mind.
Good luck with this Steve. I think you've got
a strong contender.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Ah, Steve, as nonsensical as this sounds, I believe
there is a real story here.
I particularly like 'some leeks aand a bucket of Jell-O.'
Of course, Twas blillig and the slivey toves...'
jumped right to mind.
Good luck with this Steve. I think you've got
a strong contender.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 23-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Yep, that's the flavour I was after, although I actually had the Hunting of the Snark beside me as I wrote - that reference 'Brillig' anyway. No joy in the booth. :o(
Steve
Comment from Cleo Belle
Fabulous use of words which because of their sounds were easily understood. Grimulous grobsters were instantly recognisable as loathsome lobsters (which might not be correct!) but which served me well. The Owl and the Pussycat sprung to mind - especially the boating image - lovely poem. Well done
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Fabulous use of words which because of their sounds were easily understood. Grimulous grobsters were instantly recognisable as loathsome lobsters (which might not be correct!) but which served me well. The Owl and the Pussycat sprung to mind - especially the boating image - lovely poem. Well done
Comment Written 23-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Thank you, Cleo - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from visionary1234
I LOVE it!! LOVE it when you're able to create your own nonsense-language! You've TOTALLY upped the ante on the prompt kiwi! not bad for a president of Old Zooland - best fishes from a previous present of Azaelia!!!:) S
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reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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I LOVE it!! LOVE it when you're able to create your own nonsense-language! You've TOTALLY upped the ante on the prompt kiwi! not bad for a president of Old Zooland - best fishes from a previous present of Azaelia!!!:) S
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2012
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2012
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Yeah, should have given it more of an old zooland flavour, eh, bro?
Steve