Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Iwaka Moon"Murder Mystery
47 total reviews
Comment from ScarletClearwater
Thank you for all the author notes. Greatly appreciated. I really love your descriptive writing. it makes me feel like I'm inside the world you write. Great job,.
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thank you for all the author notes. Greatly appreciated. I really love your descriptive writing. it makes me feel like I'm inside the world you write. Great job,.
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Why, thank you so very much for this gracious and generous review, Scarlet. I really appreciate hearing fom you! Bev
Comment from Kate Walker
Hi Bev,
I've had a cold for the past two weeks. I can't shake it, and I'm not firing as well as I should. So this review might be brief.
The chapter works well. I liked the dog and Fr. Brian's devotion to it. That says good things about his character, esp when we have the housekeeper's opinions to compare it to.
The scene setting is good, especially when Oleson arrives at the rectory. You've probably guessed by now I have a catholic background and the lovely old place you described reminded me of the old turn of the century presbyteries the priests used to live in when I was a girl. They always had an old world, Victorian charm.
The recap on Oleson's character surprised me. I hadn't remembered him as being quite so manly or of 'uncommon demeanor'. Gregory Peck no less! That got me in interested all over again.
The interaction between Oleson and Fr Brian was well played too. As close as they seem to be, you had Oleson retain a professional air, and Fr Brian retain a certain reserve. I thought it added an extra undertone to their relationship, and another layer to both their characters.
All the usual plot re-caps and hooks were in place. The writing was visual and clear as a bell.
I can't see myself posting anything before NEXT weekend. I've been writing most days but I haven't felt at all inspired. I look forward to your next chapter.
Cheers, Kate
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Hi Bev,
I've had a cold for the past two weeks. I can't shake it, and I'm not firing as well as I should. So this review might be brief.
The chapter works well. I liked the dog and Fr. Brian's devotion to it. That says good things about his character, esp when we have the housekeeper's opinions to compare it to.
The scene setting is good, especially when Oleson arrives at the rectory. You've probably guessed by now I have a catholic background and the lovely old place you described reminded me of the old turn of the century presbyteries the priests used to live in when I was a girl. They always had an old world, Victorian charm.
The recap on Oleson's character surprised me. I hadn't remembered him as being quite so manly or of 'uncommon demeanor'. Gregory Peck no less! That got me in interested all over again.
The interaction between Oleson and Fr Brian was well played too. As close as they seem to be, you had Oleson retain a professional air, and Fr Brian retain a certain reserve. I thought it added an extra undertone to their relationship, and another layer to both their characters.
All the usual plot re-caps and hooks were in place. The writing was visual and clear as a bell.
I can't see myself posting anything before NEXT weekend. I've been writing most days but I haven't felt at all inspired. I look forward to your next chapter.
Cheers, Kate
Comment Written 30-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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I hope you're feeling back on top soon, Kate. And I so appreciate your taking time to review my chapter in such depth. I got into Sheriff Oleson's appearance a little more, partly because one fan of the write asked to find out more about him. I don't plan on keeping the primary focus on him - Father Brian is my story focus. Thanks, also, or mentioning the part about the rectory. Boy things have changed - priests often own their own homes, and they're not always even next to the church.
Comment from Anisa-
Yikes! I'm falling behind here. Looks like I've missed a couple of chapters.
Anyway, another great write here, Bev. I love how everything seems so natural. The characters, the dialogue, setting, everying.
Interesting ... All of the religious artwork is missing. Hmmm... I wonder what's up with that.
Great job so far! Looking forward to reading more.
Anisa
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Yikes! I'm falling behind here. Looks like I've missed a couple of chapters.
Anyway, another great write here, Bev. I love how everything seems so natural. The characters, the dialogue, setting, everying.
Interesting ... All of the religious artwork is missing. Hmmm... I wonder what's up with that.
Great job so far! Looking forward to reading more.
Anisa
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 30-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much, Anisa. I really appreciate your awesome review! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Alyx, sensitive to her animosity, hid in the den on her cleaning days. - Brilliant - dogs know!!! Adore the image of the dog boxing the air.
The televised interview was winding down, and Father Brian leaned in close to the screen as the camera panned the crowd of onlookers. He had only seconds to scrutinize the faces, but with near-certainty, he believed he knew the identity of one that radiated pure malevolence. - Ooo, excellent.
Its white wraparound porch had a cement floor that was freshly painted each year. Planters ran the full length of the wood railings, and still held the mottled remains of the summer's geraniums. Burgundy wicker furniture was stacked beneath the roof's overhang and securely fastened with heavy tarp. - Wonderful descriptions.
Ah, the suspense is killing me. Who the heck has confessed????
You're building the layers up beautifully, Bev. Great thriller! LOVE the author notes - all those little details just add to the colour of your story.
Another excellent chapter, my friend!
Love Av
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Alyx, sensitive to her animosity, hid in the den on her cleaning days. - Brilliant - dogs know!!! Adore the image of the dog boxing the air.
The televised interview was winding down, and Father Brian leaned in close to the screen as the camera panned the crowd of onlookers. He had only seconds to scrutinize the faces, but with near-certainty, he believed he knew the identity of one that radiated pure malevolence. - Ooo, excellent.
Its white wraparound porch had a cement floor that was freshly painted each year. Planters ran the full length of the wood railings, and still held the mottled remains of the summer's geraniums. Burgundy wicker furniture was stacked beneath the roof's overhang and securely fastened with heavy tarp. - Wonderful descriptions.
Ah, the suspense is killing me. Who the heck has confessed????
You're building the layers up beautifully, Bev. Great thriller! LOVE the author notes - all those little details just add to the colour of your story.
Another excellent chapter, my friend!
Love Av
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Av, you do me a great honor with your beautiful and very generous review. I really appreciate the way you've taken so much time to let me know those elements that are working. Especially from the perspective of your amazing talent. Thank you so much, my faithful friend. I didn't realize I'd stolen the name of your character when I made up the dog's name. Oopsy!
Love ya, Bev
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It's a great name, Bev. Good choice!!
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hehehe Xxx Bev
Comment from elgone
You have a very good story line continuing in this piece. The description of the setting and the dog were superb. You have established Father Biran very well.
A couple of things to fix:
his curiosit ypiqued - his curiosity piqued
twenty years[ ] of this work, - delete extra space
E
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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You have a very good story line continuing in this piece. The description of the setting and the dog were superb. You have established Father Biran very well.
A couple of things to fix:
his curiosit ypiqued - his curiosity piqued
twenty years[ ] of this work, - delete extra space
E
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much, E. I really appreciate the sharp eye for the SPAGs. Will make the changes pronto! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from RazberryBullet
Great suspense here, especially when the man in the crowd claims to have killed the woman!
suggestion: his /curiosit>curiosity/ /ypiqued>piqued/ by how much the Sheriff would reveal about Debra's murder.
Good job!
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Great suspense here, especially when the man in the crowd claims to have killed the woman!
suggestion: his /curiosit>curiosity/ /ypiqued>piqued/ by how much the Sheriff would reveal about Debra's murder.
Good job!
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Hiya, Razz. Another sharp-eyed reviewer! Off to change the typo. Thanks so much for your generous review and interest. Much appreciated! Bev
Comment from abbasjoy
Another fascinating chapter continuing the suspense and now with a twist, the supposed killer wanting to confess. The dialogue between the characters is well presented and the description of the Sheriff allows the reader to have a vivid picture of him. The detail in the description of the priest's home as well as his dog, lends a natural feel to the priest, not just as a "man of the frock" but as a caring human being. Well done.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Another fascinating chapter continuing the suspense and now with a twist, the supposed killer wanting to confess. The dialogue between the characters is well presented and the description of the Sheriff allows the reader to have a vivid picture of him. The detail in the description of the priest's home as well as his dog, lends a natural feel to the priest, not just as a "man of the frock" but as a caring human being. Well done.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much, abbasjoy. I sure appreciate your generosity both in your review and words of insight for the story. It helps so much to know what's working with the readers. Much appreciated! Warm regards, Bev
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Very well deserved Bev. Keep writing.
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I will, thanks for the lovely encouragement!
Comment from IndianaIrish
Such an excellent story this is, Bev. The characters, dialogue, and story line are all so absorbing, but it's the hook at the end of each chapter that's the best!
Smiles,
Karyn :>)
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Such an excellent story this is, Bev. The characters, dialogue, and story line are all so absorbing, but it's the hook at the end of each chapter that's the best!
Smiles,
Karyn :>)
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Thank you so much, Karyn. I really appreciate your generous support and interest. You're the best! Bev
Comment from psalmist
Ooh, you had my mouth watering with that stew. I love hot and spicy, too. The one thing I do not like about reading this way, is that I usually want to continue on but have to stop and be patient for the next installment. Thanks for leaving me hanging, lol. But, also, hungry for more. You continue to build the suspense and intrigue, and I like that. Great job. Linda
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Ooh, you had my mouth watering with that stew. I love hot and spicy, too. The one thing I do not like about reading this way, is that I usually want to continue on but have to stop and be patient for the next installment. Thanks for leaving me hanging, lol. But, also, hungry for more. You continue to build the suspense and intrigue, and I like that. Great job. Linda
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Hi, Linda. I so appreciate your awesome review and continued interest in my Father Brian mystery. Your support means a great deal to me, Linda. Famous writer, Jim Harrison - who is a gourmand - considers posole the perfect meal (with wine, of course). Thanks, my friend. Bev
Comment from Adri7enne
I love the image of Father Brian - both he and Alyx are a bit intimidated by the housekeeper. Nice 'people'.
"Quickly, he located the station, his CURIOSIT piqued..." CURIOSITY. Typo.
"St. Matilde's rectory..." I like the way you describe the building. Good observations.
"Father Brian observed..." You switch POV from Oleson to Father Brian. Usually, that causes the reader to switch allegiance, leaving one unsure of the protagonist. Your call, of course.
"His stomach grumbled impatiently now that he'd teased it with the possibility of SATIATION." I'd just say "FOOD", Bev. Elmore Leonard warns, "If it sounds like writing, rewrite it."
You're making me hungry. Now I have to look up a recipe for posole. LOL!
A good read. I love the pace, which is controlled and easy flowing. Good chapter.
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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I love the image of Father Brian - both he and Alyx are a bit intimidated by the housekeeper. Nice 'people'.
"Quickly, he located the station, his CURIOSIT piqued..." CURIOSITY. Typo.
"St. Matilde's rectory..." I like the way you describe the building. Good observations.
"Father Brian observed..." You switch POV from Oleson to Father Brian. Usually, that causes the reader to switch allegiance, leaving one unsure of the protagonist. Your call, of course.
"His stomach grumbled impatiently now that he'd teased it with the possibility of SATIATION." I'd just say "FOOD", Bev. Elmore Leonard warns, "If it sounds like writing, rewrite it."
You're making me hungry. Now I have to look up a recipe for posole. LOL!
A good read. I love the pace, which is controlled and easy flowing. Good chapter.
Comment Written 29-Apr-2012
reply by the author on 29-Apr-2012
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Thanks so much, Adri7enne, for this extremely generous and helpful review. I've made your suggested changes - and thank you for taking time to help me out. Posole is a fantastic stew/soup that is the famous writer, Jim Harrison's, 'perfect' food. He used to live about ten miles from my house, and is quite the gourmet.
Thanks for highlighting what you felt worked well in the chapter - that's so helpful, my friend.
Warm regards, Bev