My Mother
a remembrance70 total reviews
Comment from Poetic Friend
Alvin, this is heartwrenching, especially now that the Mother's Day is approaching. This poem brought me to tears. She still lives within your heart. My condolence on your loss.
I chance upon this poem tonight, but a couple of days ago, I posted a poem about my dad's death eight years ago as well.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2010
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Alvin, this is heartwrenching, especially now that the Mother's Day is approaching. This poem brought me to tears. She still lives within your heart. My condolence on your loss.
I chance upon this poem tonight, but a couple of days ago, I posted a poem about my dad's death eight years ago as well.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 11-Apr-2010
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What is the name of your piece? Thanks for a good review.
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The name of poem is "Missed."
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
We never know if these poems are true, or the product of a vivid imagination. This sounds true- and I'm getting 'vibes' regarding this. This reminds me of my poor homosexual, good friend, in California whose family turned from him. His mother also died and he's very lonely. Love your creative writing! Betty
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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We never know if these poems are true, or the product of a vivid imagination. This sounds true- and I'm getting 'vibes' regarding this. This reminds me of my poor homosexual, good friend, in California whose family turned from him. His mother also died and he's very lonely. Love your creative writing! Betty
Comment Written 10-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Yes, this is autobiographical and totally true. By the way, I am gay, so I can relate to that of which you speak. Where does your friend live in CA? I am in Los Angeles County. Thanks for a great review.
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Desert Springs.. and still waiting to hear from you? Betty
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I would be glad to meet him if he can make the trip to Claremont (the eastern border of LA County)
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I think he wanted you to email him. I sent you his email address. His name is Philip. Betty
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What address did you send it to? I think AlvinTEthington@aol.com is full.
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That's odd. I never got his E-mail address. Can you re-send? Thanks.
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My private messages show that you received it on April 11th ?? I just sent it to you again. Betty
Comment from geoniasha
This is such a touching write -- brought tears to my eyes. It reminds me of my father's death. He held on for so long until I told him he could go, we would be alright. He died the next day. Excellently done. Warm wishes and good luck! geo
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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This is such a touching write -- brought tears to my eyes. It reminds me of my father's death. He held on for so long until I told him he could go, we would be alright. He died the next day. Excellently done. Warm wishes and good luck! geo
Comment Written 10-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Thanks for a good review.
Comment from Aletheia
A very sad story, and I can only imagine how difficult that must of been. I particularly was touched by the last three lines. Difficult to reflect on such a painful experience, but you really did a good job of depicting the roller coaster you were forced to ride.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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A very sad story, and I can only imagine how difficult that must of been. I particularly was touched by the last three lines. Difficult to reflect on such a painful experience, but you really did a good job of depicting the roller coaster you were forced to ride.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Thanks for a great review.
Comment from m_plum
This is an extremely touching, powerful piece of writing. That must have been a devastating experience for you, but you also must have been glad that you made it to say goodbye. Thanks for sharing, well done.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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This is an extremely touching, powerful piece of writing. That must have been a devastating experience for you, but you also must have been glad that you made it to say goodbye. Thanks for sharing, well done.
Comment Written 10-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Yes, though while driving I kept my eyes out for the police. Thank you for a good review.
Comment from douglasgclarke
There are parts of this poem that flow very well and others that read like a note.
The ending is good, from "My Mother could not ..." through the end, but the line before it seems so wordy that it get in the way. I think it would be just a strong but flow better if you changed it to.
"I had experience,
so many friends have die of AIDS."
earlier the lines
"My mother asked me every two weeks
to drive to Arizona from California
to see her.
After two days, my sisters would ask me to leave--
they said I was upsetting the household,
so I left.
This I did for two months."
Seem to have to many words that don't add to the story
Free verse is hard to write and even harder to review. I hope my thoughts are helpful.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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There are parts of this poem that flow very well and others that read like a note.
The ending is good, from "My Mother could not ..." through the end, but the line before it seems so wordy that it get in the way. I think it would be just a strong but flow better if you changed it to.
"I had experience,
so many friends have die of AIDS."
earlier the lines
"My mother asked me every two weeks
to drive to Arizona from California
to see her.
After two days, my sisters would ask me to leave--
they said I was upsetting the household,
so I left.
This I did for two months."
Seem to have to many words that don't add to the story
Free verse is hard to write and even harder to review. I hope my thoughts are helpful.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Thank you for your review.
Comment from Mileko
This poem is so sad. The story you wrote out gives the reader a great way to be able to connect with you personally on this great piece. I am sorry for your loss, and I congratulate you on writing such a wonderful poem.
Thomas
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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This poem is so sad. The story you wrote out gives the reader a great way to be able to connect with you personally on this great piece. I am sorry for your loss, and I congratulate you on writing such a wonderful poem.
Thomas
Comment Written 09-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2010
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Thank you. My mother had a good life and she was in such pain, it was a relief to see her go home to God.
Comment from AnetteAurora
For sure these words will touch many people because allmost every family has big problems. No body should feel alone about that and you help here and you were with her when needed and thats the important. Great job!.....really did'nt mean to affend your friend the other day, but when I wanted to write her back, her profile was no longer here. You must tell her I am sorry if she found me roud, I was not menat to be. My husband still says that the gramma is not correct spanish and it was then just in my interest if it is the language that has changed so much over the distance. But with anger I am not sure we are going to find out. maybe...it was only to help you anyway!! .0)
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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For sure these words will touch many people because allmost every family has big problems. No body should feel alone about that and you help here and you were with her when needed and thats the important. Great job!.....really did'nt mean to affend your friend the other day, but when I wanted to write her back, her profile was no longer here. You must tell her I am sorry if she found me roud, I was not menat to be. My husband still says that the gramma is not correct spanish and it was then just in my interest if it is the language that has changed so much over the distance. But with anger I am not sure we are going to find out. maybe...it was only to help you anyway!! .0)
Comment Written 09-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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It was so long ago I don't remember of what you write. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from Kashif Ali Abbas
Alvin, this is extremely heart-touching poem. The way your lines convey your line, the ending lines were powerful and said it all.
I told her it was all right to go home to God.
And the next day
she did. [ Ah.. ]
K
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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Alvin, this is extremely heart-touching poem. The way your lines convey your line, the ending lines were powerful and said it all.
I told her it was all right to go home to God.
And the next day
she did. [ Ah.. ]
K
Comment Written 09-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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Yes, strange how we know thoses things, isn't it? Thanks for a good review.
Comment from dhero
Touching but not overly sentimental. You have captured a lot of the family pathology in this well scripted piece which pulls no punches. Well done. dhero
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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Touching but not overly sentimental. You have captured a lot of the family pathology in this well scripted piece which pulls no punches. Well done. dhero
Comment Written 09-Apr-2010
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2012
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Thanks for a superb review showing exactly what I wanted to convey.