The Day the Earth Died
For the Conundrum of Purple Roses competition.22 total reviews
Comment from nocturnalblue
Excellent despite the note it was made is great rush!
I really liked the metaphor of purple roses, well known as symbol of love in this short novel seems to be w deadly weapon...is a satire, afterall is what we are missing: more love and understanding.
It became a word without meaning...we say I love you and next evening shot our wife, abuse our child...
Hope this is the hidden meaning or I really am far away from the subject!
I liked the countdown of journal excerpts...keep the attention high till the end...3, 2,1...boom, the earth died in a bloom of roses.
What a image..The earth dying in a burst of roses! Simply marvelous...
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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Excellent despite the note it was made is great rush!
I really liked the metaphor of purple roses, well known as symbol of love in this short novel seems to be w deadly weapon...is a satire, afterall is what we are missing: more love and understanding.
It became a word without meaning...we say I love you and next evening shot our wife, abuse our child...
Hope this is the hidden meaning or I really am far away from the subject!
I liked the countdown of journal excerpts...keep the attention high till the end...3, 2,1...boom, the earth died in a bloom of roses.
What a image..The earth dying in a burst of roses! Simply marvelous...
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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Thankyou Blue. I'm glad my vision wasn't impenetrable (something I have been rightly accused of in the past is dressing up my writing to the point where nobody knows what the hell I'm on about!) :-)
Comment from luvcraft
I loved it so much! Very brave, and clever. Sci-fi horror is fun, and hard to do. In the paragraph when the roses had been set off, it was unclear to me at first what was happening. How about WE DEPLOYED THE ROSES, AND...
Just a thought. Good luck in the Conundrum....I'm competing also.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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I loved it so much! Very brave, and clever. Sci-fi horror is fun, and hard to do. In the paragraph when the roses had been set off, it was unclear to me at first what was happening. How about WE DEPLOYED THE ROSES, AND...
Just a thought. Good luck in the Conundrum....I'm competing also.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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Thanks Luvcraft, I appreciate it. I'll take another look at that line. In future, I may well expand this one a bit; I'm sure there's a short novel in it, if I ever find the time!
Comment from wirenut
Fleedleflump,
I bit my tongue trying to say your name i bet your kids have trouble too LOL.
Good story, interesting predictions of our doom... I hope you are waaaaay wrong
with more responsibility than I know what to do with. [<==doesn't this look cool wrapped in withs? how about a rewording like... "than any man should have" or something like that...
I'm 28 years old[,] for heaven's sake!
Sometimes[,] all I can do is sit in the observatory
our military might(,) and enough colonists [<==broken thought, remove comma}
a new society(,) based on hardship [<==broken thought, remove comma}
and (jerry-rigged )as it was [jury-rigged. [The term "jerry-rigged" is a relatively recent mingling (or perhaps garbling) of "jury rig" with "jerry-built". (Wikipedia...) ... jury-rigging has a positive connotation of resourcefulness, of making something useful from limited resources, while both jerry-rigging and jerry-built have negative connotations based on their definitions.(Crossword Bebop) <= which do you mean since both terms are acceptable though they mean something different"?
and here[,] we will be hard
Good luck in the contest...
rick
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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Fleedleflump,
I bit my tongue trying to say your name i bet your kids have trouble too LOL.
Good story, interesting predictions of our doom... I hope you are waaaaay wrong
with more responsibility than I know what to do with. [<==doesn't this look cool wrapped in withs? how about a rewording like... "than any man should have" or something like that...
I'm 28 years old[,] for heaven's sake!
Sometimes[,] all I can do is sit in the observatory
our military might(,) and enough colonists [<==broken thought, remove comma}
a new society(,) based on hardship [<==broken thought, remove comma}
and (jerry-rigged )as it was [jury-rigged. [The term "jerry-rigged" is a relatively recent mingling (or perhaps garbling) of "jury rig" with "jerry-built". (Wikipedia...) ... jury-rigging has a positive connotation of resourcefulness, of making something useful from limited resources, while both jerry-rigging and jerry-built have negative connotations based on their definitions.(Crossword Bebop) <= which do you mean since both terms are acceptable though they mean something different"?
and here[,] we will be hard
Good luck in the contest...
rick
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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Wirenut, your notes are very much appreciated; I shall go through and do some slight revisions methinks. Your time and diligence are very welcome, as is the review.
Comment from William Walz
very entertaining tale. great use of the language and very imaginative. You just never know about those purple roses. good luck in the contest. looks like it could be a winner.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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very entertaining tale. great use of the language and very imaginative. You just never know about those purple roses. good luck in the contest. looks like it could be a winner.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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Thanks William. This was a bit of a departure for me, so I'm glad it came out well :-)
Comment from ccarp
A very different use of roses than other stories I have read for this contest. You leave the reader wondering about what all has happened before. Ever think of expanding this into a longer piece?
Only one correction I noticed. "were: an enigma"---colons are not used after verbs
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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A very different use of roses than other stories I have read for this contest. You leave the reader wondering about what all has happened before. Ever think of expanding this into a longer piece?
Only one correction I noticed. "were: an enigma"---colons are not used after verbs
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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Thankyou for your observation ccarp; there's a couple of small punctuation errors in there, and I'm compiling a list before I do some revision. Your time and review are very much appreciated.
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Thankyou for your observation ccarp; there's a couple of small punctuation errors in there, and I'm compiling a list before I do some revision. Your time and review are very much appreciated.
Comment from darkgreennights
As my niece would say O.M.G. that was really good. I'm not a sci fi fan, but what can I say, its just a good story, and it moves really fast. I like the diary entries. Of course maybe its not sci fi, maybe youre just trying to tell me that McCain is going to win, and this is a heads up. lol
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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As my niece would say O.M.G. that was really good. I'm not a sci fi fan, but what can I say, its just a good story, and it moves really fast. I like the diary entries. Of course maybe its not sci fi, maybe youre just trying to tell me that McCain is going to win, and this is a heads up. lol
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2008
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:-)
I'm happy to say there was no political satire involved, well not specifically targetted satire anyway. I usually fall into the habit of writing too much detail for short stories, so on this one I was very consciously trying to get on with telling the story rather than dwelling on specifics. Thankyou for the review :-)
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:-)
I'm happy to say there was no political satire involved, well not specifically targetted satire anyway. I usually fall into the habit of writing too much detail for short stories, so on this one I was very consciously trying to get on with telling the story rather than dwelling on specifics. Thankyou for the review :-)
Comment from Adam Smith
This was extremely well written, and better still, is the most creative use of purple roses of any of the pieces. I think you may have missed an opportunity to really present a terrific scene regarding the first confrontation. Just how did it go wrong? What happened? Inquiring minds want to know. I realize it's their manner of greeting being physical that led to the first altercation... but I can't picture it for myself.
Anyway... in light of the rest of the story, presented in this diary format, it's not a huge deal. You've managed to keep the sections short enough and engaging enough that I never lost interest.
Nicely done. Good luck with this one! Adam
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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This was extremely well written, and better still, is the most creative use of purple roses of any of the pieces. I think you may have missed an opportunity to really present a terrific scene regarding the first confrontation. Just how did it go wrong? What happened? Inquiring minds want to know. I realize it's their manner of greeting being physical that led to the first altercation... but I can't picture it for myself.
Anyway... in light of the rest of the story, presented in this diary format, it's not a huge deal. You've managed to keep the sections short enough and engaging enough that I never lost interest.
Nicely done. Good luck with this one! Adam
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Thanks Adam. Had I seen the contest a little earlier, and thereby had some more time, I would have expanded a little more I think. As a piece of my work though, it's still a living creature; I'll take on board what you have said and think about expanding it in future. Someone else said they'd have liked some journal entries set earlier in the war too, so I'm still working on ideas in my head.
As for the manner of greeting... well, I thought of a few things, but I didn;t want to make the story funny or silly! Hence, for the time being, I left it to the reader's imagination until I can think of something that fits the tone!
Thanks for taking the time.
Comment from LadyMary
Very well written, and the imagery is excellent, with the journals of the future. Excellent descriptive wording and vocabulary. LadyMary
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Very well written, and the imagery is excellent, with the journals of the future. Excellent descriptive wording and vocabulary. LadyMary
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Why thankyou Lady :-)
Comment from PrincessinPurple
Reading this piece, I find myself reading every word and my attention is on the story. I do not see any revision work that need to be done. This is a good piece. I would like to read more about this adventure.
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Reading this piece, I find myself reading every word and my attention is on the story. I do not see any revision work that need to be done. This is a good piece. I would like to read more about this adventure.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2008
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Thankyou Princess, that's much appreciated. I was worried it would be very rough given the accelerated writing time, but I've had very positive feedback; this may well be one I expand upon for a longer piece. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it :-)
Comment from hunsucker
Great!!!!! looking forward to more of this story!!! keep it coming!!!!
Journal entries were very personal. Sounds like a nother great story is in the works.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2008
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Great!!!!! looking forward to more of this story!!! keep it coming!!!!
Journal entries were very personal. Sounds like a nother great story is in the works.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2008
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2008
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I would indeed love to expand on this. Too many things to write and so little life!!! Thankyou for the review :-)