haiku (inside the cabin)
after the death of his wife32 total reviews
Comment from Focused True North
The sorrowful mood comes through very clearly in this well-written haiku. It's one that stays in mind long after the poem is read.
P.S. I learned a lot more about haiku from reading your profile. Thank you for this information.
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2008
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The sorrowful mood comes through very clearly in this well-written haiku. It's one that stays in mind long after the poem is read.
P.S. I learned a lot more about haiku from reading your profile. Thank you for this information.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2008
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Thank you. Saying that a poem stays in the reader's mind long after the poem is read is one of the highest compliments an author can receive. For information on Japanese poetic forms in English, I recommend Jane Reichhold's "Writing and Enjoying Haiku."
Comment from iamwrite
This is haunting, nearly gut-wrenching. It is so poignant, I really don't think you need a photograph. And that's the ultimate compliment: your carefully chosen twelve words paint the picture. Bravo!
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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This is haunting, nearly gut-wrenching. It is so poignant, I really don't think you need a photograph. And that's the ultimate compliment: your carefully chosen twelve words paint the picture. Bravo!
Comment Written 06-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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Yes, but I took the photograph first, and then wrote the haiku. My intention is to turn it into a haiga (in which the poem is embedded in the picture) and then submit it to Japan for publication. Thanks for the great review.
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In that case, ignore all suggestions!! I didn't know there was such a technique.
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Please don't get me wrong. I really appreciated your review. It was the first six star review I had on the poem and I was quite thrilled. I am glad to know the poem can stand on its own. If I have offended you, I humbly ask your forgiveness.
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No, no, not at all. I really didn't know such a technique existed. Your haiku is worth six stars, with or without the photograph!
Comment from Caeric il produttore
Its amazing how you convey emotion, story and depth in so few words. Very well written. I'm not entirely sure how the picture correlates but well done none-the-less.
Il Produttore - My $ .02
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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Its amazing how you convey emotion, story and depth in so few words. Very well written. I'm not entirely sure how the picture correlates but well done none-the-less.
Il Produttore - My $ .02
Comment Written 06-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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The picture correlates in that the husband isn't faced with his wife's ghost outside, but the cigarette, the vodka bottle, and the minimum clothing shows how he doesn't feel anything. Thanks for a good review.
Comment from TheFex
that's good. it's truly meaningful, seems to follow the rules, and is a converged thought. few accomplish this with haiku.
well done
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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that's good. it's truly meaningful, seems to follow the rules, and is a converged thought. few accomplish this with haiku.
well done
Comment Written 06-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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Thank you for your very kind review.
Comment from daizylublue
This is interesting. A good example of the haiku form of poetry. It was sad and beautiful at the same time. I feel a little sad for the model in the picture. Is that snow in the background? poor guy has no shirt. Brrr.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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This is interesting. A good example of the haiku form of poetry. It was sad and beautiful at the same time. I feel a little sad for the model in the picture. Is that snow in the background? poor guy has no shirt. Brrr.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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Yes, the shirtlessness was purposeful to show how the grieving husband didn't feel anything, even the cold outside. It was meant to be sad and beautiful, so I am very glad you "caught" that. Thanks for a great review.
Comment from Teri7
Al, This is a great haiku or haiga that you have penned. You chose a very good picture and the words are so descriptive. Great job as always. Hugs, Teri
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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Al, This is a great haiku or haiga that you have penned. You chose a very good picture and the words are so descriptive. Great job as always. Hugs, Teri
Comment Written 06-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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Thanks for your great review. (Actually, I took the picture myself!)
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That is very neat. You are a good photographer also. Teri
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Thanks.
Comment from BOSSY 311
I enjoy your selective style of poetry. The discipline is impressive and you are gifted in conveying vivid images with, powerful word choice.
A pleasure to review!
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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I enjoy your selective style of poetry. The discipline is impressive and you are gifted in conveying vivid images with, powerful word choice.
A pleasure to review!
Comment Written 06-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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Thank you for your very kind review.
Comment from luna
Alvin, I enjoyed this. Amazing what a powerful message can be conveyed with so few words. I write quite a number of short poems (not haikus, but various other) myself, so I know that short can be hard to do. You've a nice haiku here and I congratulate you. I particularly like the last line, it made me feel.
Yours,
Luna *smile*
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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Alvin, I enjoyed this. Amazing what a powerful message can be conveyed with so few words. I write quite a number of short poems (not haikus, but various other) myself, so I know that short can be hard to do. You've a nice haiku here and I congratulate you. I particularly like the last line, it made me feel.
Yours,
Luna *smile*
Comment Written 06-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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Thank you; you are very kind. I have noted you also write short forms. I am looking forward to reading your work that is published in the same anthology as my latest work--you did quite well. Thank you again for your review.
Comment from kassey
Extremely poignant words, these short poems say so much in so few words, this is an excellent example, and a beautiful dedication, "her ghost brushes auburn hair".
Very deep thought. Kay
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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Extremely poignant words, these short poems say so much in so few words, this is an excellent example, and a beautiful dedication, "her ghost brushes auburn hair".
Very deep thought. Kay
Comment Written 05-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2008
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Thank you for a very kind review. It took me forever to come up with that line, so I greatly appreciate your comments on it.
Comment from Rdfrdmom2
Alvin, I am so sorry that you lost your wife. My mom told me that losing a spouse was harder than losing a parent. I can only imagine the depth of your loss. This is a very touching haiku turned into a haiga.
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2008
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Alvin, I am so sorry that you lost your wife. My mom told me that losing a spouse was harder than losing a parent. I can only imagine the depth of your loss. This is a very touching haiku turned into a haiga.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2008
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2008
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This is fiction. I was never married. But I do appreciate your sympathetic personality. Thanks for a great review. This is going to a contest in Japan, where they judge harshly, so you have reassured me.
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good luck