Billy and Tubby (Part-2)
Trick-or-Treat Night29 total reviews
Comment from Julie Helms
Your last line balanced the entire story. What a night! Hijinks and fiasco start to finish...
Some suggestions:
unnoticed far as he could tell
(unnoticed as far as...)
rung the bell
(rang)
wheelchair's right front wheel edged off the asphalt, sunk in the mud
(sank)
dead meat, ran over for days or weeks
(run over)
An uplifting story, by way of a few disasters!
Julie
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Your last line balanced the entire story. What a night! Hijinks and fiasco start to finish...
Some suggestions:
unnoticed far as he could tell
(unnoticed as far as...)
rung the bell
(rang)
wheelchair's right front wheel edged off the asphalt, sunk in the mud
(sank)
dead meat, ran over for days or weeks
(run over)
An uplifting story, by way of a few disasters!
Julie
Comment Written 05-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Thank you so much, Julie, for your generous review, kind words, and suggestions. I can't thank you enough for taking time to point out my atrocities; well, boo boos might be more fitting. But that many faults in a high-rise's foundation could implode the structure. I can't thank you enough. Much appreciated!
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My pleasure!
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Ric,
well, this was an interesting story. I suppose that everyone should be happy that the injuries weren't worse. Tubby's mom sounds like a real piece of work, but when the adrenaline runs high, people can react in all kinds of ways, so I guess it's somewhat understandable. Thanks for sharing.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Hello Ric,
well, this was an interesting story. I suppose that everyone should be happy that the injuries weren't worse. Tubby's mom sounds like a real piece of work, but when the adrenaline runs high, people can react in all kinds of ways, so I guess it's somewhat understandable. Thanks for sharing.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 05-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2024
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Thank you so much, Tom, for your generous review and kind words. I don't usually post two parts of a story at the same time, not wanting to prey on readers' time. But I don't post often, and with this one being a Halloween story, I couldn't wait a week to post. It can be hard for many to understand the whole story when the parts aren't read in sequence. Much appreciated!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Tonight I was living - was. too bad it was was
...my nineth." - oops (ninth)
And Billy? And his freedom? You gonna have him go back voluntarily, or get caught?
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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Tonight I was living - was. too bad it was was
...my nineth." - oops (ninth)
And Billy? And his freedom? You gonna have him go back voluntarily, or get caught?
Best wishes.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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Thanks for your kind words and generous review. Nope, nineth isn't a recognized word in the English language. Oops. I changed, for better or worse, "Tonight I was living," to "Tonight, I lived my dream." As for Billy, I guess readers will have to figure it out for themselves, since two chapters is as far as I'm taking this one. LOL. Halloween is over. Much appreciated!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Well, good for Tubby to get out and about, but danf Billy got him drop, bitten and in need of EMT treatment. Maybe, if offered a second outing maybe Tubby will see the error of the way, if he survives the first.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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Well, good for Tubby to get out and about, but danf Billy got him drop, bitten and in need of EMT treatment. Maybe, if offered a second outing maybe Tubby will see the error of the way, if he survives the first.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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LOL. I guess someone had to absorb the conflict, and unfortunately for Tubby, he got elected. Thanks for hanging with me. Much appreciated!
Comment from Charles D Ezell
For sure you know street talk. I had a prison ministery once and ealt with young people as you mentioned. SO SAD DRUGS HAVE DESTROYED our society. Good one, Ric.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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For sure you know street talk. I had a prison ministery once and ealt with young people as you mentioned. SO SAD DRUGS HAVE DESTROYED our society. Good one, Ric.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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Yes, sir, so many kids lives are destroyed before they even have the chance to find out what it's all about. And in so many cases it's because they raise themselves or by terrible examples. I let home at 15, and believe me, I could have easily gone the wrong way with bad choices. Thanks for the extra special six-star review and kind word. Much appreciated!
Comment from BethShelby
I'd loved it. You managed to put a paraplegic nine-year-old through a lot of Ric-style violence. Likely about all one in such bad shape could handle, but like a real he man he declared for the first time in a while he was really living. My sympathies go out to poor homeless but ingenious Billy who got quite a tongue-lashing from Tubby's ungrateful mother.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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I'd loved it. You managed to put a paraplegic nine-year-old through a lot of Ric-style violence. Likely about all one in such bad shape could handle, but like a real he man he declared for the first time in a while he was really living. My sympathies go out to poor homeless but ingenious Billy who got quite a tongue-lashing from Tubby's ungrateful mother.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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Thank you so much, Beth, for hanging in there with my story. Yes, we never know who we can learn from; and hopefully, Tubby's mother will fill her judgmental, unsympathetic blind eyes with knowledge and empathy for others. I appreciate YOU!
Comment from lyenochka
That's a great message for parents who tend to overprotect their kids. I know I have that tendency (didn't want my oldest daughter joining the wrestling team! I should have. Lol)
Your knowledge and use of slang words (thanks for the definitions!) is amazing.
I was surprised at how conveniently easy it was for Billy to escape juvie. But you were hurrying to finish the story. I think you could have done this in three chapters at least. And I'd like to know what Tubby's parents were doing that they missed all the noise when they kidnapped him.
Great message in your story. We do have more helicopter parenting these days than when we grew up.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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That's a great message for parents who tend to overprotect their kids. I know I have that tendency (didn't want my oldest daughter joining the wrestling team! I should have. Lol)
Your knowledge and use of slang words (thanks for the definitions!) is amazing.
I was surprised at how conveniently easy it was for Billy to escape juvie. But you were hurrying to finish the story. I think you could have done this in three chapters at least. And I'd like to know what Tubby's parents were doing that they missed all the noise when they kidnapped him.
Great message in your story. We do have more helicopter parenting these days than when we grew up.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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Thanks Helen, for all you say and do to pick me up with encouragement. Yes, you are so right, I cut many stories way short of what I'd really like to say out of restraints for readers' time and expectations. This story could have easily had ten or twenty parts, but since I'd already missed getting it posted by Halloween, I couldn't drag it out anymore. LOL. And I will end with what I attempted to explain to , Beth Shelby, another of my favorite FanStory people: Yes, we never know who we can learn from; and hopefully, Tubby's mother will fill her judgmental, unsympathetic blind eyes with knowledge and empathy for others. I appreciate YOU!
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Since you missed the Halloween deadline, and you made it two posts, I think you could have given us three posts and posted the finale by the weekend. Y'know some FS strategizing. Lol. 😊💞
Comment from nomi338
I have racked my brain trying to think of a possible better friend than Billy, I cannot. As strange as it may seem to you, growing up best friend's name was Billy. His actual name was Ronald, but for a reason unknown and unquestioned by me, he was and shall forever be Billy. I had some of the best times of my life with Billy. My mom often objected to our shenanigans' but we did not care. Thank you for writing this great adventure story.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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I have racked my brain trying to think of a possible better friend than Billy, I cannot. As strange as it may seem to you, growing up best friend's name was Billy. His actual name was Ronald, but for a reason unknown and unquestioned by me, he was and shall forever be Billy. I had some of the best times of my life with Billy. My mom often objected to our shenanigans' but we did not care. Thank you for writing this great adventure story.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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Thank you so much, Nomi, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. And most of all for always seeming to understand where my thoughts are coming from and having seemingly lived some degrees of my fragmented of street life. Many times, your reviews touch spots that even my story's can't. Your Ronald, couldn't have hit closer to home, as my Billy, was Donald. I always look forward to what you have to say, and it's always a pleasure! I appreciate YOU!
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I thoroughly enjoyed the story. Every boy needs a friend who is bold and or crazy enough to risk your friend's parents' anger. Let the kid live a little.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
You have the narrator speak directly to the reader here; did you do that in the first part? I don't remember that you did.
Now my heart's breaking for Billy - that kid can't catch a break.
I'm glad that Tubby finally stood up to his parents and said what needed to be said. And you gave us another great character - a heroin addict who can think clearly when called upon. I thought that was a nice twist.
This is a fine Halloween story - they don't all have to be scary. This one was about kids, what they really need and want, and how important friendships are.
Welcome back, Ric!
xoxo
P
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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You have the narrator speak directly to the reader here; did you do that in the first part? I don't remember that you did.
Now my heart's breaking for Billy - that kid can't catch a break.
I'm glad that Tubby finally stood up to his parents and said what needed to be said. And you gave us another great character - a heroin addict who can think clearly when called upon. I thought that was a nice twist.
This is a fine Halloween story - they don't all have to be scary. This one was about kids, what they really need and want, and how important friendships are.
Welcome back, Ric!
xoxo
P
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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Thank you so much, Pam, for your extra special six-star review and kind words. No, I don't think I've ever had the narrator speak directly to the reader in anything I've ever written. And I'm sure I'm not supposed to. But it was the only way I could think of to get that point across the way I wanted. I hope it worked for you, and if not, please give me an alternative with a similar punch. I tried to have a few themes in this story. One I left two people with is: Yes, we never know who we can learn from; and hopefully, Tubby's mother will fill her judgmental, unsympathetic blind eyes with knowledge and empathy for others. I appreciate YOU!
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I looked it up because I remember entertaining the thought of trying it once and, when I did, it was a stretch for me. So, it's second person, but the narrator has to actually address the reader as "you" or "your". So, close, but no cigar:-)
I still liked what you did there.
Comment from GWHARGIS
Oh, this was great. I did enjoy the whole story. Maybe you can expand this and make another installment. These were great characters. I especially liked Billy. He had grit. Great job. Gretchen
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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Oh, this was great. I did enjoy the whole story. Maybe you can expand this and make another installment. These were great characters. I especially liked Billy. He had grit. Great job. Gretchen
Comment Written 04-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2024
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Thank you so much, Gretchen, for your kind words and generous review. I had to rush through many parts of this story, trying to find time to finish it before Halloween; and honestly, I didn't make it. LOL. I could have written 10 or 20 chapters and not run of of material or themes, but I just cut it short. I'm glad you liked it. I appreciate YOU!