From Dawn to Sunset
Ageing and Life Lessons20 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
I feel like we've been in class together at some point. The good news is you were one of the few who learned from all of your lessons. I enjoyed this story that compared the journey of the sun to life and aging. Well written. Thank you for posting. Gretchen
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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I feel like we've been in class together at some point. The good news is you were one of the few who learned from all of your lessons. I enjoyed this story that compared the journey of the sun to life and aging. Well written. Thank you for posting. Gretchen
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Thanks so much Gretchen! I love your review. Probably most of the lessons will resonate with many if not most of us. People are the same all over the world - another lesson. Regardless of race or skin or politics etc we all have the same feelings, needs and challenges.
Wendy
Comment from jmdg1954
Wendy,
Far be it from me to offer any improvements here. Your talent far exceeds mine.
The mechanism to trigger when the comparison does sunset begin and ask the same question when does old age begin is perfect for the contest you expect to enter.
You took us through the schools of life with words and phrases depicting each one vividly.
I can't offer any improvement. Hopefully other reviewers will provide some "tweaking" suggestions.
Keep us apprised on your entry!
John
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Wendy,
Far be it from me to offer any improvements here. Your talent far exceeds mine.
The mechanism to trigger when the comparison does sunset begin and ask the same question when does old age begin is perfect for the contest you expect to enter.
You took us through the schools of life with words and phrases depicting each one vividly.
I can't offer any improvement. Hopefully other reviewers will provide some "tweaking" suggestions.
Keep us apprised on your entry!
John
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Thank you so much John - for your extremely encouraging and supportive words and also for the six beautiful stars, meaningful to me and much valued. The contest opens for submission in April, but the chosen ones won?t be known till June, so it?s a while to wait. Thanks again. Wendy
Comment from patcelaw
If I had the ability to give you more than six stars I would have. This is an outstanding story. There is so much truth about how life proceeds. So many times as young people we do not cherish the moments that we have and when we get old, we don't have those memories to share with others. You have done a beautiful job of weaving life into what it is like to go from sunrise to sunset each day. I enjoyed your story so very very much. Patricia.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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If I had the ability to give you more than six stars I would have. This is an outstanding story. There is so much truth about how life proceeds. So many times as young people we do not cherish the moments that we have and when we get old, we don't have those memories to share with others. You have done a beautiful job of weaving life into what it is like to go from sunrise to sunset each day. I enjoyed your story so very very much. Patricia.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Patricia, thank you so very much. That is such a special and encouraging review. Very greatly appreciated, along with six beautiful shining stars. Thanks so much. I am so glad it resonated with you.
Wendy
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Comment from Pantygynt
To answer your first question, I would say sunset begins when, looking towards the western horizon you can see both horizon and sun without raising your gaze.
As for suggestions I would suggest you trim the content a little. For example, towards the end you have a paragraph beginning 'Now the sun is low in the sky.' Five paragraphs later you begin a paragraph with 'As the sun hovers low on the horizon'. The opening line in the first instance is unnecessary as the content is not about the sunset but the children.
There are are probably several places where the piece would benefit from some judicious pruning.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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To answer your first question, I would say sunset begins when, looking towards the western horizon you can see both horizon and sun without raising your gaze.
As for suggestions I would suggest you trim the content a little. For example, towards the end you have a paragraph beginning 'Now the sun is low in the sky.' Five paragraphs later you begin a paragraph with 'As the sun hovers low on the horizon'. The opening line in the first instance is unnecessary as the content is not about the sunset but the children.
There are are probably several places where the piece would benefit from some judicious pruning.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Thanks so much Jim! Very valuable feedback. (I will nominate you next month). I've done a few changes based on your words, and will take another detailed look tomorrow. Many thanks again.
Wendy
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You are most welcome.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nicely done. Good work.
I suppose it would be appropriate to include a 'lesson on dying' despite the fact that you haven't quite mastered it yet. You could learn the lesson by watching someone else, though.
Which brings another point - how good it must be to learn from other's mistakes , and not have to make the mistakes ourselves in order to learn.
Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Nicely done. Good work.
I suppose it would be appropriate to include a 'lesson on dying' despite the fact that you haven't quite mastered it yet. You could learn the lesson by watching someone else, though.
Which brings another point - how good it must be to learn from other's mistakes , and not have to make the mistakes ourselves in order to learn.
Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Thank you very much again, Wayne. Yes, I think that I am learning some of these things a thousand times, over and over. As for dying, I guess it is really important to get that right - there's no second go. I hope to do it well, but fear I'll end up very old, cranky and impatient because I am tired, or in pain, or my body won't manage to do anything and I'll be bored! Thank you for your good wishes. It doesn't open to send entries off till April, and I won't find out till the end of June if my piece has been chosen for the book of the best hundred stories.
Comment from Julie Lau
Wow! This is very well-thought-out, philosophical treatise, perfectly written and full of original thought. I had to give it 6. Apart from the bad time as a child (mine started as a 6yo when my parents split), our lives do not have much in common, but I can empathise fully with yours.
All the best, as always, Julie Lau
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Wow! This is very well-thought-out, philosophical treatise, perfectly written and full of original thought. I had to give it 6. Apart from the bad time as a child (mine started as a 6yo when my parents split), our lives do not have much in common, but I can empathise fully with yours.
All the best, as always, Julie Lau
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Many thanks for a super review - and for the six stars. That's so wonderful and valued- a great encouragement! Congratulations on your second place with the Rabbit Poem too - very happy for you.
Wendy
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Oh yes, the rabbit poem: I paid $5- to enter; there were 6 entries. 2 tied for 1st, 3 tied for 2nd. My share of the pot was $2.50. My partner was much entertained.
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Yes, it frequently isn?t financially worth it to enter. After 27 months I have won the $100 prize three times (site contests) which now has finally paid for all my annual subscriptions. But it is fun, and the contests do help one get better. I ?m not writing poetry at the moment.
W
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Wendy,
You've covered a lot here- a whole lifetime. I loved the sunrise and sunset comparisons. You have much more patience than I have. I love my grandkids, but there are times when I'd like to throttle them. It would be nice to be able to impart what I've learned to them, but they are busy living their own lives, and making their own mistakes. I appreciate your sharing this. The more I get to know you, the better I like you gal. I wish we could visit some time. Have a blessed day.
Tom
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Hello Wendy,
You've covered a lot here- a whole lifetime. I loved the sunrise and sunset comparisons. You have much more patience than I have. I love my grandkids, but there are times when I'd like to throttle them. It would be nice to be able to impart what I've learned to them, but they are busy living their own lives, and making their own mistakes. I appreciate your sharing this. The more I get to know you, the better I like you gal. I wish we could visit some time. Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Not always patient. Had one girl for a sleepover last night (who woke at the crack of dawn to see Nan!), another all day today (who forgets I am not as fit and young as I used to be .... walk yet another kilometre to a playground even further away, then have to return ... ? Nah, my feet are killing me! And I need a cup of tea! NO more ice-cream! I enjoyed reading your interview with Helen - wonderful!
Lovely getting to know you a bit through her story! Thanks so much for a great review. I reallyappreciate your thoughtfulness, your time and your words.
Wendy
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Yes, I agree Wendy, the kids have no idea that we can't keep up with them. Even my own sons used to think until recently that I should be able to go out hunting with them trek around the mountains all day. They're going to be forty this year, I think, so they're starting to get an understanding of things not working as the used to.
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This would be the twin boys, born after all the girls?
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Yes, that's right.
Comment from karenina
I say lucky is the publication that gets to consider this entry! It'd be silly-sauce for them not to run with it. I loved your metaphors, Wendy. It seems within each progression to sunset there are a million dawns. I had the pleasure of reading this through several times and taking a moment to relate your "lessons" with real-life experiences of my own. My mom used to tell me I had two great goals as a mom:
1) Teach my children to walk
2) Teach them how to walk away
It's difficult, at times to see them "not needing" me...and yet isn't that exactly what we'd hoped for them?
Thankfully, for those of us with grandchildren we get the essential joy and bliss of reliving all the innocence and triumphant joy of simply "being!"
I'm tickled pink to push them on swings, blow bubbles in the park, build forts out of sofa cushions, and (on occasion) have "backwards dinners" (with dessert first, of course!)
I would not trade one single cuddle with any of my four grandchildren for some fancy estate or winning lottery ticket.
In my young life, I learned there was a HUGE difference between a teacher telling me "You're not stupid" and one who smiled and said "You're smart, you'll get this!:---and I think I've tried to instill that in my children and "grands" as well...
In nine short months I will have reached ten years older than my own mom was when she was taken, much too young.
I thank God for every single sunset...and every dawn along the way.
God Bless you for reminding us that aging is truly a blessing!
Karenina
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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I say lucky is the publication that gets to consider this entry! It'd be silly-sauce for them not to run with it. I loved your metaphors, Wendy. It seems within each progression to sunset there are a million dawns. I had the pleasure of reading this through several times and taking a moment to relate your "lessons" with real-life experiences of my own. My mom used to tell me I had two great goals as a mom:
1) Teach my children to walk
2) Teach them how to walk away
It's difficult, at times to see them "not needing" me...and yet isn't that exactly what we'd hoped for them?
Thankfully, for those of us with grandchildren we get the essential joy and bliss of reliving all the innocence and triumphant joy of simply "being!"
I'm tickled pink to push them on swings, blow bubbles in the park, build forts out of sofa cushions, and (on occasion) have "backwards dinners" (with dessert first, of course!)
I would not trade one single cuddle with any of my four grandchildren for some fancy estate or winning lottery ticket.
In my young life, I learned there was a HUGE difference between a teacher telling me "You're not stupid" and one who smiled and said "You're smart, you'll get this!:---and I think I've tried to instill that in my children and "grands" as well...
In nine short months I will have reached ten years older than my own mom was when she was taken, much too young.
I thank God for every single sunset...and every dawn along the way.
God Bless you for reminding us that aging is truly a blessing!
Karenina
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Thank you for such a thoughtful and wonderful review. Yes, we teach them to be independent and then miss their dependence instead of celebrating their adult independent lives. That is a hard lesson at times, but I'm getting there. You are right re grandchildren. And the specific joys you mention - beyond any monetary value.
Yes, I try to be thankful and grateful each day, but often fail. I guess I'll be learning these things till the final dipping of the sun over the horizon. Many blessings to you too, dear friend. Hope you are going okay ...!
Wendy
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Thanks, Wendy. I hope the very same for you. I agree, when we stob breathing that's when we'll stop growing and learning!
Comment from lyenochka
I'm excited that you will enter this lovely aging essay into a contest (outside of Fanstory, I guess?) I loved the metaphor of the sunset for the aging process, and yes, it's a process and we can't pinpoint a particular spot in the sky just as we can't say it's any particular age. I even think my mom has gotten a bit younger now that she's not stressed caring for my dad all day and night. So I think at times of stress, we do age more rapidly. But spending time with grandchildren, we might even become more youthful! I'll be offsite next week so I'll be getting in tune with the grands. Hope this does well in that contest!!
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reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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I'm excited that you will enter this lovely aging essay into a contest (outside of Fanstory, I guess?) I loved the metaphor of the sunset for the aging process, and yes, it's a process and we can't pinpoint a particular spot in the sky just as we can't say it's any particular age. I even think my mom has gotten a bit younger now that she's not stressed caring for my dad all day and night. So I think at times of stress, we do age more rapidly. But spending time with grandchildren, we might even become more youthful! I'll be offsite next week so I'll be getting in tune with the grands. Hope this does well in that contest!!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Yes, it is a statewide entry over here, and they receive around a thousand entries each year, for a story on a specified topic.
Glad to hear your mother has less stress now - and I hope you have a wonderful and special time with your grandchildren next week. Thanks too for the good wishes.
Wendy
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Thank you, Wendy! 💖
Comment from Nicki Nance
The sunset was an excellent metaphor for aging. It really does sneak up on us. What a lovely autobiographical story of the lessons you learned along the way. Your family, your students and the many friends you must have gathered along the way are lucky to have you.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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The sunset was an excellent metaphor for aging. It really does sneak up on us. What a lovely autobiographical story of the lessons you learned along the way. Your family, your students and the many friends you must have gathered along the way are lucky to have you.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2023
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Thank you Nicki, for such a lovely review. Greatly appreciated. Glad you enjoyed it!
Wendy