Oh My!
A young fellow's relationships.39 total reviews
Comment from Judy Lawless
I had no idea where this story was headed, Terry. You've done a great job of writing it and keeping us completely in the dark, with suspense, until the very last line, when you ended with that twist. Good one!
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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I had no idea where this story was headed, Terry. You've done a great job of writing it and keeping us completely in the dark, with suspense, until the very last line, when you ended with that twist. Good one!
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Judy, I am glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for reading. Terry.
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You're most welcome, Terry.
Comment from karenina
Very entertaining, nice dialogue, your now trademark "twists" that I still never quite anticipate...
I'm enjoying your foray into fiction! You have your own distinctive voice and style...
Karenina
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Very entertaining, nice dialogue, your now trademark "twists" that I still never quite anticipate...
I'm enjoying your foray into fiction! You have your own distinctive voice and style...
Karenina
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Karenina, thank you very much for the review, I am glad you are enjoying the foray! Terry.
Comment from WalkerMan
This story of "A young fellow's relationships" is plausible with plenty of realistic dialog to carry the plot forward. In the last section, about forty-nine years later, Cooper is not narrating because he is not present as Rachel, his wife (Dr. Balew), discusses his status with Dr. Otis Taylor, President of the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, Florida, where Cooper has been admitted for evaluation some heart issue. During that conversation, we learn that Cooper's career had made him wealthy enough to have donated millions to that hospital. Rachel then reveals that their daughter, Cindy, named after the girl he broke up with before marrying her. It all seems like a tale of a life that turned out well, making the truth of the name "Dr. Balew" a big surprise -- yet plausible, as such marriages do occasionally occur. Superb.
One typo in the last section, in paragraph 6, sentence 1:
twenty-five-million dollar donation. => twenty-five-million-dollar donation.
[Add the missing hyphen. Compare: "a six-foot-tall man."]
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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This story of "A young fellow's relationships" is plausible with plenty of realistic dialog to carry the plot forward. In the last section, about forty-nine years later, Cooper is not narrating because he is not present as Rachel, his wife (Dr. Balew), discusses his status with Dr. Otis Taylor, President of the Mayo Clinic in Jacksonville, Florida, where Cooper has been admitted for evaluation some heart issue. During that conversation, we learn that Cooper's career had made him wealthy enough to have donated millions to that hospital. Rachel then reveals that their daughter, Cindy, named after the girl he broke up with before marrying her. It all seems like a tale of a life that turned out well, making the truth of the name "Dr. Balew" a big surprise -- yet plausible, as such marriages do occasionally occur. Superb.
One typo in the last section, in paragraph 6, sentence 1:
twenty-five-million dollar donation. => twenty-five-million-dollar donation.
[Add the missing hyphen. Compare: "a six-foot-tall man."]
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Thank you for the six stars and your insightful review. I also thank you for the suggestion on the edit. Terry.
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You are most welcome Terry. I have little time for reviewing these days, but your post was too interesting to skip.
If you fix the typo, I'll remove my comment on it to leave you a clean review. :)) -- Mike
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Mike, I did correct it, but I really don't mind you getting credit for catching it I need all the help I can get! Terry.
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You are welcome, Terry. It is my custom to remove my comments about items that have been corrected; but this one may be educational for anyone reading my review, so I'll accept your request to leave it. Your willingness to learn will accelerate your improvement as a writer, as your rising rank on this site indicates. Bravo! :)) -- Mike
Comment from Wendy G
Excellent twist at the end, and one that I didn't expect at all, even though I was looking for a twist. Fine writing, a well told story, as always. My father wanted me to be called Marjory after an ex girlfriend, but my mother would not hear of it, thankfully!
Wendy
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Excellent twist at the end, and one that I didn't expect at all, even though I was looking for a twist. Fine writing, a well told story, as always. My father wanted me to be called Marjory after an ex girlfriend, but my mother would not hear of it, thankfully!
Wendy
Comment Written 12-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Wendy, thank you for the your review, did you notice that the artist of the picture was Cindy? Terry.
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Oh, no I didn?t notice that, but it is a remarkable painting.That completes the circle of the story then! Great story!
Comment from K.L. Rockquemore
Terrific write Terry!!
You had me from the first sentence until the well developed conclusion.
There is so much to
like about this story. I love to read a story that grabs me, engages me throughout, and just when you think you know how it will end....
think again!!
I enjoyed the way you weaved the characters together and back and forth.
Excellent use of descriptive language and setting.
Well done!!
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Terrific write Terry!!
You had me from the first sentence until the well developed conclusion.
There is so much to
like about this story. I love to read a story that grabs me, engages me throughout, and just when you think you know how it will end....
think again!!
I enjoyed the way you weaved the characters together and back and forth.
Excellent use of descriptive language and setting.
Well done!!
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your reading and reviewing my little humorous story! Terry.
Comment from royowen
Actually well done Terry. The secret of writing short fictional stories is certainly embodied in your cute story, but it does fascinate how people marry when they are years apart from one another, and remain married, I think divorce is more likely, at social and year compatible norms. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Actually well done Terry. The secret of writing short fictional stories is certainly embodied in your cute story, but it does fascinate how people marry when they are years apart from one another, and remain married, I think divorce is more likely, at social and year compatible norms. Beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Thank you for your review, kind comments. Terry.
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Well done Terry
Comment from lyenochka
That's a great story! And you gave us just enough surrounding details to make it feel believable! It's too bad that Cooper had to lie about his beloved's profession but apparently, it worked to get her accepted into the family.
Punctuation nits which you probably already fixed since I opened this post a while ago:
"Excellent" (period or exclamation point needed)
"Otis, Cooper, and I were happy (Otis, Cooper and I) comma is for addressing Otis. But Cooper and Rachel are the compound subject.)
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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That's a great story! And you gave us just enough surrounding details to make it feel believable! It's too bad that Cooper had to lie about his beloved's profession but apparently, it worked to get her accepted into the family.
Punctuation nits which you probably already fixed since I opened this post a while ago:
"Excellent" (period or exclamation point needed)
"Otis, Cooper, and I were happy (Otis, Cooper and I) comma is for addressing Otis. But Cooper and Rachel are the compound subject.)
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Helen, thank you for reading and suggesting the edits. Terry.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You told an interesting story, Terry. Everything seemed on the
up and up til the twist at the end. You did a great job leading
to that ending. Your characters were well-developed, the dialogue
flowed smoothly, and it was fun to read. One question--how did
they have 25 million to donate--that intrigued me. Or did I miss
that it was part of the made-up info?
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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You told an interesting story, Terry. Everything seemed on the
up and up til the twist at the end. You did a great job leading
to that ending. Your characters were well-developed, the dialogue
flowed smoothly, and it was fun to read. One question--how did
they have 25 million to donate--that intrigued me. Or did I miss
that it was part of the made-up info?
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Jan, thank you for reading and reviewing. Jan is explained how they got their money, Dr. Otis Taylor asks Rachel that question, and she answers him. Thank you. Terry.
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I did read it. I didn't put the computer info together as to how its value soared over the years.
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Lol, yeah it turns into lots of money.
Comment from SLMorrical
Once again you have shown why you are at the #2 spot. I was so into the story and the Dr. title he gave her, or should I say the title I thought she had. I laughed so hard at the ending I was crying. That should teach me not to assume until I read the whole thing. Well done, well done.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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Once again you have shown why you are at the #2 spot. I was so into the story and the Dr. title he gave her, or should I say the title I thought she had. I laughed so hard at the ending I was crying. That should teach me not to assume until I read the whole thing. Well done, well done.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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LOL, I thank you for the six stars, and I love your review! Terry.
Comment from LJbutterfly
I knew to follow your story very closely, because there would be a twist ending. I was correct. The best part is that as I read, I had no idea where the story might end up. A twenty-five dollar-an-hour hooker, I would have never guessed. Well done.
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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I knew to follow your story very closely, because there would be a twist ending. I was correct. The best part is that as I read, I had no idea where the story might end up. A twenty-five dollar-an-hour hooker, I would have never guessed. Well done.
Comment Written 11-Sep-2022
reply by the author on 11-Sep-2022
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LOL, I am glad I fooled you. Thanks for reading. Terry